Exhibit A, from Phoenix:

A north Phoenix family struggled in vain Wednesday night to rescue a relative who fell into a backyard fire pit. The man had been roasting a pig in the 3-foot deep pit, apparently for a large block party to celebrate the New Year. Somehow the man fell in about 8:15 p.m….family and friends had been trying to put out the fire with a garden hose and had pulled him out when firefighters arrived. Fire crews pronounced the man dead shortly after.

(I look forward to the inevitable comment from a radical vegetarian claiming the man’s fatal fall was karmic retribution for roasting a pig.)

Exhibit B, from Palm Bay, Florida:

The 911 call made after a 2-year-old Central Florida boy fell into a fire pit during a New Year’s Eve party has been released….Palm Bay police said [24-year-old Michael] Bargeron was drunk at a party and began wrestling with his son near a fire pit. Witnesses told investigators the boy fell into the fire and Bargeron did nothing to get him out.

The kid survived with serious burns, the dad has been charged with aggravated child abuse.

David Schmader—former weed columnist and Stranger associate editor—is the author of the solo plays Straight and Letter to Axl, which he’s performed in Seattle and across the US. His latest...

30 replies on “New Year’s Fire Pits: Horrifying Horseplay Magnets?”

  3. Won’t somebody think of the poor fire trapped in these pits being crushed by drunk people?

    Sincerely, a founding member of People for the Ethical Treatment of Fire

  6. Of course the father did nothing; falling into a fire pit builds character. He’s like the dad in Johnny Cash’s song A Boy Named Sue, he knew he wouldn’t be around forever, so he had to toughen his son up as much as he could, by wrestling with him, covering him with quarter-inch thick scars and removing any appendages like ears, a nose or fingers that could be easily held or torn in a fight.

  17. I find that small contained fires, like in a backyard pit, are really only dangerous to unsupervised children and drunks. Simple solution: don’t leave children or drunks unsupervised with fire.

  18. @18,
    Is it ok if it’s a drunk child? I let mine get drunk and then wrestle around firepits all the time… does that make me a bad parent?

  19. was the guy really old or handicapped or something? i mean, it’s only a three foot deep pit. just stand up and jump out dude. i know you’re on fire and everything but seriously…

  20. @ 20, any number of things could have happened. My guess is that he got flashed with so many severe burns at once that he went into shock, and 3 feet is deep enough, with all that heat, to make trying to get him out very dangerous. He might have hit his head too, or passed out from all the carbon monoxide and smoke.

  23. We of the Society for Fire Elementals protest against the cruel and inhumane torture of the poor fire spirits tortured for your sadistic human amusement.

    Signed,

    Burners R Us

  24. 20: In a report I’d filed away for Last Days and can no longer find, there were more specifics about what happened. Major clues: Friends ran out to find the guy after they heard the man screaming. He was unable to get out of the pit of his own accord—the piece mention him being “overcome”—and his friends did their best to drag him out, eventually succeeding. But the man’s injuries were fatal.

    I really can’t imagine anything worse than smelling a dear friend burn to death.

  25. That fire pit burn thing totally happened on the second season of Survivor- one of the contestants was trying to stoke the team’s fire and accidentally inhaled too much carbon dioxide- he passed out for a second, which was long enough to get 3 degree burns on his hands to the point that his fingers looked like lil’ smokies.

  27. Christ, what’s wrong with using a grill? Does one really need an entire pit full of flames to cook a meal? Even for a large gathering?

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