Speaking on behalf of Science, the astounding Dr. Jonathan Golob wants us to know that “New York City is destined to be underwater.” Here is video of that horrifying event exactly as it will happen:

Seriously, who would want to live there? It’s way too dangerous.

23 replies on “New York City Will Be Underwater Any Day Now, Anyway”

  1. You know, it will be much better used as a winter ski resort when it freezes over after the Atlantic ocean currents shift.

    Plus, NYC women look really cute in those snow boots and fluffy hats.

  2. @4 it’s Friday the 13th. We’re avoiding talking about Triskadelaphobia, or the lack of ham sandwiches in local delis.

  3. @10 i’m going to rent one of those neat James Bond heli-skis when I go. Plus the wrap-around blow up Giant Ball in case of avalanches.

  4. It’s all chuckles now, Cascaders, until your waaay overdue megathrust quake changes your high-tide lines for another 300 years or so. (But in 300 years Seattle will still be yammering about what to do with that viaduct…)

  5. So how well will the foundations and structure of those buildings hold up to flooding like that? Will this be an American Venice sort of situation, like in A.I., or will everything fall over and explode?

  6. i’m pretty sure floods don’t happen over night. i wouldn’t count on new york ever being under water, the city is mostly built on garbage as is, it can go higher. i can’t really decide if that’s a positive or a negative. anyway, seattle being mushed by an earthquake/volcanic eruption is much more likely.

  7. Hey wait a minute … isn’t SEattle mostly surrounded by water? If anyone else was going to be swallowed by rising sea levels, I suppose I would pick Seattle.

    Don’t you guys spend millions of dollars a year controlling and moving water around the city and maintaining the water level?

    What about all those salmon ladders you are always fucking with?

    Don’t you guys get nasty floods coming off the mountains every so often?

    I mean, kettle, this is pot, have you noticed how black you are?

  8. @8: Massive dikes are pretty much a certainty if sea levels rise. It will be expensive but cheaper than any alternative. There are plenty of below sea level coastal cities today — New Orleans comes to mind, though maybe that’s not such a great example.

  9. But the buildings all stay high and proud. It’ll be a canal town, just like Venice! The city so nice they named it twice, now with gondola gridlock!

  10. Yeah but Golob is a hack. So if NYC is gonna be underwater I bet its only for like a second before something golob forgot about fixes the problem.

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