Take it away, Boston Herald:
Dorm rooms doubling as steamy love huts have Tufts University throwing cold water on sex on campus—at least when horny students let it all hang out in front of red-faced roommates.
“You may not engage in sexual activity while your roommate is present in the room,” tuts Tufts’ 2009-10 guest policy, newly revised in response to student gripes about rambunctious roomies and their raunchy romps.
Tufts spokeswoman Kim Thurler told the Herald the 8,500-student school has fielded roughly a dozen complaints from chagrined scholars “who expressed concerns that they were experiencing uncomfortable situations” with their roommates’ sex-tracurricular activities.
Anyone who’s ever been trapped in a room (hotel, dorm, other) with people “surreptitiously” getting it on will applaud this policy revision, and to all who think they can have sex without other people in the room noticing: You are insane. Seriously, you’re not fooling anyone, just forcing those trapped in the room with you to retreat to that special place in their minds where such horror cannot penetrate while they pray for you to fucking finish.
Also: Having to listen to/fake-sleep through sneaky “quiet” sex is exactly as awful as experiencing two people fucking like freaks.
In short: If you’re not making any noise, you’re doing it wrong, and if you can’t do it right, you shouldn’t do it at all.
Who are these wimp students incapable of sitting up and saying “Hey, y’all aren’t fucking over there are you?”
I like listening to people having sex. And I like being heard.
If it’s wrong I don’t want to be right.
Trying to fake sleeping through your roommate jerking it is even harder. What’s the protocol for that?
What if you are fucking your roommate?
My freshmen year my roomie was a SLUT…every night a different guy and she’d say the same thing to each guy “don’t tell the other guys on the (insert seasonal sports)team…I don’t usually do this and I don’t want them to think I’m easy”
It was hilarious!
Ah..Stacy St Pierre
@3- You lay there.
Is this experience rare? At boarding school everyone knew the protocol.
Be thankful when your roommates at least try to be surreptitious. I had a friend in college whose freshman year roommate would get it on in full view. When my friend once complained (arguing that he had a right to be able to study), the roommate fucked the girl in the closet.
Fuck you. Any policy banning consensual private sex between consenting adults is wrong. What goes on behind closed doors goes on behind closed doors. What happens in dorm rooms stays in dorm rooms.
If your roomie’s fucking, jerking, or singing old Sons of the Pioneers tunes and you don’t like it, it’s your obligation to know whether or not it’s a breach of common courtesy and stand the fuck up for yourself or get a pillow and crash on the lobby sofa to old ST:TNG reruns.
If you don’t give a shit, it’s your right not to give a shit.
The best solution is to whip it out and start jerking it in front of them while staring at them and moaning softly
Not terribly un-reasonable. I usually would leave if my roomie needed the room and he would extend the same to me. You also would take into account that you have to live with this person for a while and not kick them out at 2 am on a Wednesday.
Doing it while your roommate’s in the room is just wrong.
Give him or her $10 and say you need some private study time with your GF or BF … if the roommate’s not getting the hint, you’re doing something wrong.
And don’t bogart his condoms unless you’re replacing them the next day.
I like #9’s solution. Entirely appropriate, I think, turning the bedsprings like that. Taste of their own indiscretion. Plus who knows? Could cause a threeway.
@8,
By definition, if there’s someone else in the room, it’s not private.
@ The Max,
I had a room mate who invited guys over at any given time of the day? WTF was I supposed to do? Never go home? Instead, because she insisted on fucking on the middle of the floor, I merely said ‘Excuse me’ and stepped over their bodies and did whatever I was scheduled to do whether it was homework, cooking meals, cleaning, or sleeping. If she wanted privacy, she could have asked the RA for keys to an empty room….which is what I (and everyone else) did when we wanted to fuck.
You could always do what my freshman year roomie did to me: I’d be out late doing extracurriculars, and by the time I got home at 11 (exhausted) she had locked the door, put a chair under the handle, and would be screaming loud enough for the whole hall to hear. When she finally let me back in it was so stanky that I ended up sleeping on my RA’s floor. (The RA, incidentally, did absolutely nothing to help this situation.)
If you don’t want a threesome, take your twosome some place else.
If you didn’t bring enough for everyone, keep it in your pants.
Sounds like everybody else had much more exciting dorm careers than I did.
I never lived in the dorms, but went out with a lot of guys who did…I’ve been walked in on (I was secretly in love with his roommate that walked in on us, and after a few awkward minutes of South Park, he left), and one time we were out of condoms and I didn’t know who the Condom Czar was, so I ran down the hall of a dorm I didn’t live in at a school I never went to (at two or three in the morning, barefoot, his pajamas and t-shirt, no bra, virtually blind with no glasses, and hair that looked like I was auditioning for the Lion King) and went right into an open room and asked the girls if they had anything. And they did. And of course, someone I knew was there. Good times.
One of my present boyfriends takes care of and lives with his mother, so when I spend the night we have to be super stealthy. It’s pretty easy, considering he never lets me fucking move so I can actually enjoy myself for once.
i had a roomie who used to fuck in front of me. i jerked off.
I had one rule for my roommates when I was in college (and later, when I joined the Service): If you don’t want me to watch or invite people over, lock me out or do it somewhere else. Cruel? Yes. Effective for ending their lack of consideration? Yes. Equally effective for netting me large amounts of “no date” head while my roommate was fucking? Curiously enough, yes.