The last sentence of this particularly hilarious Onion piece is proof that it was written by a parent. There’s no blow that can’t be softened by a good grilled cheese.

34 replies on ““Now, who wants a grilled cheese?””

  2. I’m a grilled cheese aficionado and I’ll give you Sloggers a little secret. The best grilled cheese are actually baked!

    Preheat oven to 450.

    Butter the sides of the bread which will be facing outward.

    Put whatever you want inside. (I prefer a Havarti with a smidge of garlic)

    Place on a cookie sheet and bake for 5 minutes, flip and bake for 4 more minutes. These times are variable based on the configuration of your oven and sandwich though.

    Voila! The best and easiest grilled cheese you’ve ever made. You can also make multiple sandwiches at once this way if you’re entertaining.

  4. How is that easier than a frying pan and grilling each side with butter for 2 minutes? The secret to a good grilled cheese is good cheese and good bread and don’t burn the hell out of it. Not much of a secret is it?

  6. One word: Waffle grill. Turn the plates so you’re using the smooth side. Sorry, but it just doesn’t get any better than that.

    (I like the suggestion about the Havarti, though. Will have to try that.)

  7. @4 The difference is that the bread comes out dry and crispy with a satisfying crunch rather then slightly damp and a little chewy.

    Now, you may be an expert and nimble pan fryer who can get this perfectly crispy effect in a pan, but sadly 90% of pan-fried grilled cheese I’ve had in my life are slightly soggy affairs.

    Baking allows you to get the ideal texture where everything is golden brown and crispy every time. Also, as I said before, you can bake multiple sandwiches at the same time. So if you’re making sandwiches for 3, everyone gets to eat at the exact same time, which is an obvious logistical advantage to boot.

  8. But if it’s baked then it’s not a grilled cheese sandwich. It’s like roasting steak in your oven and then calling it BBQ’d. Although I can see where you’re coming from with the crispyness but I would think that’s because the baking would take all the moisture out of the bread. Still, not a real grilled cheese.

  9. @8 it’s not in there long enough to desiccate the bread, just long enough to brown it and melt the interior.

    The effect is exactly what a grilled cheese should be. I assure you if you put this on a plate in front of someone and asked them “what is this?” they would say “a grilled cheese sandwich, of course!”

    If you’re going to start arguing semantics about what is a “real grilled cheese” or not, then this conversation has officially gone off the rails.

  12. I make mine in a Foreman-style electric grill. Same principle as the waffle iron concept. Turns out really well.

    I also love that this thread has been mostly hijacked by a conversation about how people like to make their grilled cheese sandwiches.

  17. @2 – If nothing else, this is a brilliant solution to the problem of making multiple sandwiches at once. I am so going to try this.

  18. @14 – Ha! Me too. Also, she’s a little old for it now, but if I’d heard Carol Kane in her prime read this, I think I would have laughed until I lost bladder control and fainted.

    Of course, now I do that even without Ms. Kane’s help.

  20. That was just fucking hilarious! As somebody who recently dated a women out of a loveless and sexless 18 year marriage, it rings very true as well. As I told a buddy about this recent gf, “Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy!”

  23. 2 words bitches: Betty White!

    And grilled cheese has to be done on a griddle or pannini press, otherwise you can’t squish it together.

    Not that Gruyere and Smoked Gouda are not tasty, but the best ones are made with good Ol’ American processed cheese product. I’m sorry, thats just how it is. Deal with it.

    Its like Green Bean Casserole at Thanks Giving. You can gussy it up all you want, but when I take a bite I am expecting some cambles soup and frenches onions, anything else is disappointing.

  26. Dong like a Clydesdale = very expensive emergency room bills!

    Better cheese on toast (deconstructed, reconstructed grilled cheese):

    4 pieces pre-toasted bread
    Butter
    3/4 cup finely grated firm cheese
    1 egg

    Butter the bread. Beat the egg, add the cheese and mix until thick. Spoon over the toast, broil in the oven for 5-6 minutes or so or until the cheesey stuff is brown and puffy.

    If you’re feeling really flash, you can put sliced tomatoes on the toast and mix a couple of tablespoons of beer in with the cheese and call it welsh rabbit.

  28. And grilled cheese has to be done on a griddle or panini press, otherwise you can’t squish it together.

    ??!? You don’t have anything oven-safe that you can use as a weight to press a baked sandwich? Like maybe a plate?

  29. Use of a panini press, a Foreman or waffle grill will produce a Brittish toasty not a grilled cheese sandwich. Both are catharticly, narcoticly, comfortingly delicious though. A nice cup o’ best compliments a toasty while grilled cheese is best paired with a steaming bowl of creamy tomato soup(for dipping!).

  30. I like Swiss (American Swiss, the cheap kind) on dill rye, with horseradish mustard, and I cook it just until it gets to the string stage, not so that it’s slopping all over the skillet. Quick onto the plate next to the tomato soup.

    And I’m gonna go with Madeleine Kahn, although I have a sneaking suspicion Julie Andrews would take the prize if you let her into the competition.

  32. Wheat or rye bread, butter the outside surfaces, pile on a bunch of hand-shredded extra-sharp cheddar, fry in a non-stick pan, no oil. Consume with childish delight.

  33. I have a strange twist, which might horrify the purists, but I find really good: mozzarella, then sprinkle a few chocolate chips in before grilling. The saltiness of the cheese and the sweetness of the chocolate make a nice balance.

    I also like it with onions and tomatoes.

    I usually do a pan, but have done the toaster oven. I like the large oven idea. Time for a party!

  34. It’s sad, but this doesn’t seem that unrealistic to me. My mom would say something like that. Except without the apologetic tone. I kid you not.

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