First: Thousands of dead octopuses are washing up along a five-mile stretch of beach in Portugal.
Officials say they don’t know what’s happening to the octopuses, but it might have something to do with the mini-tornado that ripped up some roofs in the area a few days ago.
Octopuses typically die of senescence—they have sex once, then their minds and bodies slowly fall apart. They stop eating, stop avoiding predators, and sometimes chew off their own arms. As Dr. Roland Anderson, a local octopus expert, likes to say: “There’s no such thing as safe sex for octopuses.” Maybe there’s some mass, M. Night Shyamalan-style senescence happening off the coast of Portugal.
Maybe this is just the beginning…
Second: Portland’s Greek Cuisina (home of an iconic purple octopus) will close, citing punitive and costly fire inspections by the city.
The octopus is going up on eBay.
Papas can’t put the Octopus up until he, uh, you know– pays his fines?
Maybe he should have been charging admission for people to watch him carry a loaded table in his teeth? “$10 to watch the shrill apoplectic Hellene carry around a comically underweight table with his mouth!”
Oooh, which reminds me: the Seattle Aquarium typically holds an Octopus Blind Date on Valentine’s Day, wherein they attempt to mate their octopus with another that is flown in for this express purpose. Some years it ends with both sulking in opposite ends of the tank, other years it’s like a National Geographic special.
This should be a Stranger Suggests, and we should send hapless Kyle out to bear witness.
Wow, I really thought this was a Mudede. Animals, sex, death finished with a tenuous connection to almost completely unrelated quotidian mundanity. You have it all, Brendan!
I love that giant purple octopus. It reminds me of Hockeytown 🙁
in related news, Purple Mark just came up with the title for his eldritch horror poetry book, “Do Sleeping Gods Lie?” ….
hmmm.
I’m staying away from waveswept beaches for a bit i think …
Calamari is back on the menu!
Tell me, O Octopus, I begs
Is those things arms, or is they legs?
I marvel at thee, Octopus;
If I were thou, I’d call me Us.
– Ogden Nash
Looks like Cthulu is vacations on the Iberian coast this year.
I thought “cientos” meant hundreds not thousands.
picky picky.
You’re right. But another report said “thousands.” I conflated.
A belated protest against the octomom?
Isn’t is octopii?
IT. Isn’t *it* octopii?
@13 or 14: You’re close, but as the link illustrates, “octopuses” is quite acceptable.
@ 13, 14, 15 Even if it were “octopi,” it wouldn’t have two “i”s. Octopodes would be the most scrupulously correct in historical-linguistic/scientific terms. Octopuses is “correct” in English. “Octopi” is just backformed nonsense.