So my gay ass—already pretty sparkly—got glitterbombed at the University of California at Irvine last Monday. This went up on Bilerico yesterday:

According to my source at the event, Savage was in the middle of answering a question from a student who was wondering if her boyfriend was a freak because he watched porn featuring trans women. Savage suggested that her boyfriend was a freak, while freely using the terms “shemale” and “freaky tranny porn.” That is when two individuals ran up and threw glitter on him yelling “Transphobe!”

So: a “source” says that I stood on a stage at UCI and “freely” tossed the word “shemale” and the phrase “freaky tranny porn” around and called someone who was into trans porn—and presumably attracted to trans people—a “freak,” comments which inspired two “individuals” to run up and toss glitter at me. Now there’s a Change.org petition—I’ve already signed it, won’t you?—scolding me for my use of “trans-phobic language” and demanding that I apologize for being a such naughty cissy.

The folks who’ve signed the petition—most with their hearts in the right place—have been misled.

Here’s what went down: I was doing a “Savage Love Live” Q&A at UCI. People submit questions anonymously, just like they would for a regular column, using whatever language or terminology they’re comfortable with. I read their questions aloud—verbatim—and offer some on-the-fly advice. Here’s the complete transcript of my “transphobic” comments at UCI (the italics indicate when I’m reading the anonymously submitted question):

DAN: [READING FROM CARD] My boyfriend is straight but he enjoys anal sex and he asks me to make love to him in his butt all the time. [ASIDE:] You have no one to blame but yourself. [READING FROM CARD] Also, he likes watching she-male porn. Could you tell me why he is acting like this? [ANSWER:] Um, I’m gunna go out on a limb here and say it’s because he likes shemale porn and he enjoys anal stimulation. He’s acting like this because he’s a very freaky boy. If you’re into him, and you’re willing to go there for him, there are a lot of straight guys who are into transexual sex-workers, transexual porn, she-males for lack of a better term, although some people think that’s very offensive—

It was at that moment—just as I was beginning to address the problem with the term “shemale”—that I was glitterbombed.

I did say “shemale.” I read the question as-written, repeated the term in my response, and then used “transexual” in place of “shemale” (“transexual sex-worker,” “transexual porn”), modeling the use of less offensive terms, before circling back to “shemale” in order to unpack why some find it offensive. I never used the phrase “freaky tranny porn.” I never said the word “tranny” at UCI at all; indeed, I’ve made a conscious effort to stop using “tranny” after the memo went out last year declaring the word an off-limits “hate term.” (Mike Signorile wrote a good post about the rapidly changing take on the word “tranny” here.)

As for “freaky boy”: that boy is a bit of a freak and anyone who reads my column knows that I’m pro-freak, pro-kink, pro-porn, pro-just-about-everything. I’m a freak myself, as I’ve said numerous times, I married a freak, some of my best friends are freaks. “Freak,” in the context of “Savage Love,” is a freakin’ compliment. More to the point: I didn’t tell the girl who asked the question to dump her boyfriend because he enjoys trans porn; indeed, I urged her to keep dating him if she was into him and willing to go there (anal, allowing him to enjoy his porn). And this is nothing new with me: I’ve long taken the side of people who are trans or attracted to trans folks. Here’s a column I wrote about trans issues in 1999. (Try not to get bogged down on the headline, thought policepersons, as columnists don’t write their own headlines.) And the advice I was giving to trans/trans-attracted people in 1999 isn’t much different from the advice I gave earlier this year. (Is this the kind of advice that a transphobic sex-advice columnist doles out? Is this? Or this?)

Back to what went down at UCI: It’s clear from the transcript—and it’s clear from the way that my remarks are being actively and maliciously misrepresented—that the people pushing this “Dan Savage is transphobic!” meme are not honest actors. False accusations of engaging in hate speech are themselves a form hate speech—particularly in the hothouse environment of LGBT activism. Any honest reader of my column, like any honest person who attended my Q&A at UCI, knows that not only I am not transphobic, I’m pretty rabidly pro-trans.

Or: If I’m the enemy of trans people everywhere, trans people everywhere could use more enemies like me.

UPDATE: Someone who was at the UCI event describes in his own words what went down in a comment at JMG. The commenter misattributes “freaky tranny porn” to me, based on the Bilerico report, but he gets the rest of the details right.

UPDATE 2: This just in from someone who signed that Change.org petition:

I signed this petition at the request of a trusted friend and, after I signed it, I immediately regretted it after I realized the nature of the petition. Please accept my apologies… I should have been more careful with what I was signing. Thank you for your continued efforts and all that you do. You have been a great influence on my life and those around me.

UPDATE 3: Some folks are slamming trans activists and trans people generally in the comments thread here and on some other blogs. Please don’t do that. And for the record: not one of the folks who’ve glittered me—one at Eugene, three at UCI—is actually trans. I know, right? They’ve all been “allies” of the trans community. (Allies of? Or embarrassments to?) That self-righteous, attack-your-allies, too-angry-to-listen bug isn’t unique to Ts; it’s been documented in Ls, Gs, and Bs too. (I myself have succumbed on, oh, one or two occasions.) Also for the record: the day after my talk at UCI, I met and spoke with a trans student—hey there, C—and we had a perfectly delightful, perfectly rational, and mutually enlightening conversation about transphobia, porn, sex, whether “shemale” is ever okay, his coming out process (recent), my coming out process (not so much), and how he needs to stop smoking. (Really, C. Stop smoking.) It was the best conversation I had at UCI, it was a private conversation (it wasn’t filmed), and it was with a trans man.

So, non-trans commenters, please don’t make generalizations about all trans people based on the actions of a few… non-trans people. [Scroll down: apparently one of the GBers is trans.]

UPDATE 4: More damning evidence of my transphobia emerges! A commenter at JMG:

Dan Savage raises over $5000 (from his largely “straight” readership, mind you) for an African American trans woman’s funeral after her murder.

Dan Savage raises over $2000 (from his largely “straight” readership, mind you) for a young trans student kicked out of the same school in Mississippi that Constance McMillan was kicked out of.

Here’s his support of a brutally beaten trans woman in Michigan.

Dan Savage raises the remaining needed funds (from his largely “straight” readership, mind you) for trans porn star and acitivist Buck Angel to finish a documentary about his life/work.

Like I said yesterday: If I’m the enemy of trans people everywhere, trans people everywhere could use more enemies like me.

And if I may address this piece of batshittery:

You may notice that Dan Savage managed to get the glitter bombers arrested, which tends to be a particularly dangerous experience for trans people. If cis folk with the privilege not to get so badly harmed once they do inevitably get arrested were willing to do it, more power to them.

I didn’t get anyone arrested. There was security at the event—there’s always security at television shoots because the presence of TV cameras brings out the crazies—and campus police officers went looking for the GBers while I was briefly backstage getting de-glittered. I went back on stage and continued with the talk. I didn’t know that someone had been arrested until the talk was over 90 minutes later when the police came backstage and told me they had caught one of the people who “assaulted” me. I laughed when they said “assaulted” because, you know, we were talking about glitter. The cops asked if I wanted to press charges, I said no, and I asked them not to hassle the GBer they’d nabbed. I’ve had no further contact with the police.

And this is my favorite comment:

Savage is so addicted to attention and also seems to have such few scruples that I wouldn’t be surprised if he hired this last group of glitter-bombers to do what they did just so he could play the victim and also create this post with impunity. I would not put such behavior past him. Its already been revealed they were not transwomen.

I glittered myself! And the GBers weren’t brave cis folks putting their privileged bodies on the line in defense of their trans allies! They were working for me! And I had one of them arrested!

UPDATE 5: Oh, right—the glass jar.

I was at the Eugene, OR filming. I hope this doesn’t upset some of you.

I think DSWC is a bio female, and straight. My friends know her, and while they have gone to pains to say she is an ally of the LGBT community, she was wrong here. She has been known to be an ally in LGBT causes before, and is well liked. But this is really unfair to Mr. Savage.

I don’t remember enough about the Eugene, OR speech to say whether Dan had said anything that night to deserve the glitter bomb. I do remember it happened early and she yelled something about being a rape apologist. The thing I find really bad on her part is that she threw the large heavy glass container at his head after she threw the glitter. It made a very loud “clunk” when it hit the floor that could be heard throughout the auditorium. After the talk some other students looked and there was a dent in the stage floor where it hit. It barely missed Mr. Savage’s head. If it would have hit him, she could have done serious damage to him. A concussion or worse. She doesn’t seem to be showing any shame on the blog post that this author, has linked to, but this was seriously dangerous.

Just as the witness from the other school commented, once Mr. Savage was cleaned he went on with his conversation and we all laughed, groaned, blushed and had a really good time. Dan spent a few minutes talking about trans issues as well. All very sex positive.

Just thought you all should know. Someone out there is not telling the truth. Whether it is DSWC or the author of this post.

If I hadn’t have ducked, or if I didn’t see it coming (which I might not have, what with glitter in my eyes and all), that glass jar would’ve hit me square in the face. As luck would have it, I did see it coming, and was able to dodge it. So there was that too.

UPDATE 6: The Eugene GBer Tweets that she’s a trans woman and demands a correction:

eugenegber.jpg

Rose was the GBer who threw the jar at my head but she wasn’t the GBer who was arrested; that was one of the GBers at UCI.

UPDATE 7: A reader writes…

I just want to add one more voice to the chorus of sane and reasonable trans folks who respect what you’ve done for the T in GLBT. I’m a long-time fan of the column/podcast, and I think that queer folks who think that you’re the enemy need to get some serious perspective (and I tell the ones I know that, though I doubt they listen). I’m always wary of the “X doesn’t speak for ME!” cries, because in most cases no one ever fucking said they did, but it worries me a little to see the reactions in the comments threads and to see people piling on trans folks for the insanity of the glitter bombers—I promise we’re not all douchebags!

And of course there’s still some room for improvement in how you talk about trans issues, but you know that, and it doesn’t detract from all the real and concrete support you give to the community. So, thanks again for all your hard work.

At least glitter isn’t much of a punishment for someone of your fabulousness. Glad you ducked the jar.

Wendell

268 replies on “On Glitter, Transphobia, and Hate Speech”

  1. Dan, I am getting mighty pissed at my own community. Several seem to get their tranny panties in a bunch over any perceived insult. Sorry for the glitter bomb, not all of us trannies thought you deserved it.

  3. Shemale shemale shemale shemale shemale.

    Grow the fuck up, people. Dan has done more for the alphabet-soup world than just about anybody alive. If that’s not good enough for you, maybe you’re the one with the problem.

  4. Cheeses and crackers! They should save their bullshit for their real enemies. Assholes. This is what happens as every fucking word gets banned because somebody is a cry baby.

  5. Dan, I’ve been reading your column for 10 years. You’re a lot of things, but certainly not transphobic or sexist, as others claim. People who say that need to a) work on their reading comprehension, b) remember who the real enemies are and c) lighten the fuck up once in a while.

  6. “Any honest reader of my column…. knows that I’m not only not transphobic, I’m pro-trans.”

    As one of those people, yup, I know it’s true and therefore I knew that the glitter bombing stories were bullshit. I think it’s more a matter of the PC police than the trangender police. I wouldn’t read Dan Savage if he was PC.

    Just read Tobi Hill-Meyer’s response to someone correcting her that Dan was only re-reading the question: http://www.bilerico.com/2011/11/dan_sava… She says then don’t quote the question–change the words. Total PC thought police.

  8. yeah people- cut Danny some slack!

    he’s the Faggot Al Sharpton;

    sure he is a lying bigot sack of shit

    butt he’s OUR lying bigot sack of shit…

  10. butt we especially luv all the bitch squealing when the PC police turn their wrath on a HomoLiberal Hero.
    we thought you girls said glitterbombing was good clean fun and only uptight pricks got upset about it….

  13. That troll responsible for posts 8 and 10 continues to slay me. It’s like he sits around waiting for Savage to post something just so he can make up a silly name and continue his crusade. I picture him sitting in a room with no windows, the only light emanating from his computer monitor as he continually refreshes Slog on Internet Explorer. He mutters an awful lot, in my minds eye.

  14. Misled. You were misled. Not mislead. Mislead is in the present indicative tense, not the past.

    True fact: I was probably 25 before I stopped pronouncing that word “myzlled”, and I didn’t get caught out until I used IT in the present: “misle”. “Don’t try and misle me”.

    Talk about your freaks.

  15. Having attended one of these, not this specific event, I can confirm that you read the cards exactly as written. I think I heard a variation of this question back then. I can’t see why you would do something different this time.

    Yes, you sparkle something wonderful as always, Dan. And, I’m glad that it doesn’t seem to trouble you. Clearly there are some very wounded feelings amongst our brothers and sisters, though. Can we help with soothing those feelings, is their a better, neutral terms that can be used instead of those one sees in the alt weeklies? I don’t think ignoring the complaint will work, glitter bombing may lead to further bombing and/or worse, because they see you as appointing yourself their representative and not listening to them (Read the thread discussions). Maybe using more neutral terms is a way to show them that it gets better for them too?

    Take care, Dan. Keep up the good work.

  19. Dan, you’re still doing the MTV thing, right? Presumably that means you have a TV crew recording your talks, so am I right in assuming there is video evidence of what actually went down? I don’t really doubt your version of events, but I wonder how in a room full of college students and a TV crew, no video could exist? Are you not releasing it to not give them attention, or because MTV wants the footage for themselves?

    Frankly I’m very skeptical that this is some group of zealots who actually consider Dan (!!) an enemy of transexuals. This sounds more like pure trolling by the emotionally immature. Just as many “ancarchists” have no fucking clue about actual anarchist philosophy (hint: it does not involve burning down a footlocker) its possible that these are mere hooligans dressed up as LGBT activists because that was the handy label.

  21. @15 Dan’s not ignoring the complaint but indicating that he’s already changed his terminology. The glitter-bombers are confused about how quotations work, thought police or attention whores.

    And I wouldn’t call them thought police if they merely want people to use more respectful terms. They’re thought police if they want to scrub those terms from all language, even if that language is being used to explain why the terms are offensive in the first place, as Dan was doing here.

  22. I like all that you said on this Dan, but one thing. When you say collumnists don’t write their own headlines, I blanch a little. I’m sure it is true, but it certainly doesn’t have to be true. Is this such a deeply entrenched behavior of the machine that, even though it might degrade your own column, you have no control? Find a pair and fix the problem – which I say with admiration and humility and complete ignorance of the obstacles.

  23. As I was reading the first quote, before I even got to your response, I thought, “This *really* doesn’t sound like something Dan would say.” I wonder what people are hoping to achieve by claiming enemies where there are none? It’s not like they don’t have enough actual ones to worry about…

    So, is glitter as hard to get rid of as everyone says?

  25. “This is something that I love, listen I’m about to teach
    Every single girl should embrace their inner freaky freak.
    Don’t be scared, don’t be shy, yes you gotta let it be.
    I can give instructions if ya like to, like to hear me speak.
    Let me see those hand cuffs off
    Let me see that leather gear
    Kiss him, slap him, pull his hair
    Make him yo bitch in here
    He wanna see you get down low
    He wanna hear you, hear you go
    I can be a freak, every day of every week”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rN5XmvRu…

  26. While I generally like and respect Savage, there is something so hypocritical of his attitudes toward trans people when he himself is part of a community that would have commonly gotten the same reaction twenty years ago (and still does in many places).

    Acceptance of difference starts with admitting that other people’s lifestyles really don’t affect yours, and swallowing your disgust. The parents of straights who say, “He’s gay? Whatevs,” were saying, “Ick, but it really doesn’t affect me.”

    I don’t expect someone who is happy with their gender to understand how someone feels when they aren’t in the right body. But no one is going to come at Savage and demand he transition. He has the right to feel disgusted by the process of transitioning, but if he’s an evolved person, he swallows that and treats everyone with respect and compassion.

  27. He’s dissed bears as well. A self-described twink wrote to his column saying he’s into bears, but he gets ingored by them and asked what he should do. He gave a general, try to make friends with some of them, yadda, yadda, yadda and then ended it with commenting how he doesn’t understand why he’d wanna be with fat, smelly guys.

    He’s a douche.

  28. Dan wasn’t being asked for Dan’s personal tastes. If the writer above is correct, Dan was being asked about how the other guy should handle his desire for bears when bears do not seem to want him. I am starting to think, as I said before, part of the problem is that there is an audience for his shtick. Dan is entitled to his desires. He’s entitled to dump on other people for theirs because its not necessary for him to have said that in this context. It was just gratuitous.

  29. UPDATE: Savage just texted me to clarify that the words being objected to were actually used in a question he read from an audience member. In his response to the question, Savage noted that some folks “have trouble” with the terms. He laughed off the incident, adding that he finds the accusations against him and the act of glitter-bombing to be “ridiculous.”

  30. @ Lumpmoose,

    Perhaps my reading comprehension stinks, but I got the impression that a good number of those on the Bilerico post think that they are being ignored. The last time I read it there was no acknowledgment by the author that Dan addressed the issue and there was atleast one call for stronger (but not violent) action to get his attention. That was what I was specifically addressing, their thinking that they are being ignored.

  31. How many times is this excuse going to be used?

    At the end of the day if you offend people, don’t come whining that its “”ridiculous.”

    By the way, I see this kind of mind set a lot with PARTS (I cap that so I don’t hear how I am discussing all) of the gay community a lot. They feel is their right to be as rude as they want to be to anyone else, and not be criticized for it.

  32. The thing for me is I do agree with a lot of Savage’s advice. That’s why it’s off-puttingly incongruous to me when a needlessly stereotypical insult is thrown in with the reasonable common sense. Gratuitous cruelty is the opposite of reason and undermines trust.

  33. Eh, I think expecting that from a columnist of Dan’s stature given his reputation is asking a bit much. I mean, I ‘trust’ Dan to give somewhat relative information thats honest and reasonable.

    But I don’t trust him not to dig into his readers if they present the chance, either out of their own ignorance or for a point to make a column enjoyable.

    Its his bread and butter and how he and his family lives. I don’t think he has a single degree in Psychology, sociology, or sexual health if I’m not mistaken.

  34. Therein lies a problem, you trust Savage to be truthful and tell correct information but he does not do that.

    He has had people tell him when he’s dead wrong about certain sex acts, fetishes, BDSM, and kink, bisexuality and bisexual issues, and Trans/intersex issues-yet he refuses to admit that he’s wrong or correct himself and actually publish the correct information.

    There is no excuse for when Savage went on his racist bitch fit about African American voters in the state of CA how he thought that black voters in CA are the sole reason that prop 8 passed.

  35. well said! there is way too much hate and discrimination within the gay comm..er i mean between the gay groups, sterotypes , and subcultures .. there is no community.

    How can we expect the world to accept us and give us equal rights , when we can’t even get along.

  36. @31 This blog post is the first time he’s directly addressed the glitter bombings, as far as I know. So from that standpoint, they were being ignored up until now.

  37. @16, just don’t get me started on the subjunctive mood (or mode; good god, what is WITH you people?). Compared to that, a little trans porn is nothing.

  38. “But I have a hispanic friend..”

    “But I have a gay friend….”

    “But I have a trans friend…”

    Different groups, same lazy defense. I don’t care how many trans friends you have or what words they use. The word insulting to a lot of people and cis people shouldn’t use it, period.

    And trans people don’t need you to tell us who our enemies are.

  39. Yeah. Its a brilliant way to non violently protest someone.

    I listen to Dans podcast and know he;s done a lot of good but I’ve also heard plenty of evidence that he’s transphobic and almost none that he’s changed his spots. I dunno if he deserves glitterbombing per se but its a valid form of protest. and a striking one.

  42. I think what bothers the trans people is that when he talks about trans people he doesn’t go out of his way to make them feel more positive about themselves, and admonish his audience to be accepting. He should add some kind words to what he says when he discusses trans people because they are highly sensitive about his tone, and need to be thrown a bone. A little kindness can go a long way.

  43. I think the real problem is that we’re in an age where everyone in the sex-positive/lgbtq/etc. culture assumes they have a right not to be offended, and when they are, they chalk it up to oppression or patriarchy or transphobia. So many important debates about individual rights and identities get bogged down in petty language games, where everyone’s in a competition to be the most oppressed person.
    A great example of this is a tumblr I found recently where an anonymous reader asked the person a question along the lines of “Hey, I really enjoy your writing and opinions on sex issues. I was wondering, what’s it like to be trans? What have you experienced personally with coming out and the trans culture?” The blogger replied that she could not begin to express how angry she was that the anonymous fan would assume being trans is associated with a collective experience, that the anon was an oppressor and the reason that she hated walking out of her apartment, and was the cause of her inner shame and depression.
    I agree that privilege exists in all way, shapes, and forms, and is often invisible to the opressor. But just because someone uses a term that another individual doesn’t like doesn’t mean that we should cast all discussions in a black/white, transphobic/transpositive debate.

  44. I went to the site indicated in the first line and I DO understand that people are angry, but it seems misdirected. There is enough to be angry about without Dan Savage, and there is a lot less to be angry about because of Dan Savage. Flaming this site doesn’t change my mind about Savage either.

  45. Go eat a bag of dicks! “Tranny” is just a shortening of “transsexual” or “transgender”, just like “homo” is a shortening of “homosexual”. Neither term is derogatory.

  46. Dan Savage is rightly and deeply concerned about gay bullying.
    I find it sad that he thinks Transgender concerns are a big joke.

  48. @28
    Lighten up. As a younger guy who’s into bears, I laughed out loud when Dan made the bear comments. I think it was intended to be edgy and funny, not intended to be insulting. All the bear friends I have loved it.

    Making fun of what other people find attractive is one of the oldest gay pasttimes. My friends tease me for my taste in men, but who cares? Occasionally someone will be truly nasty and insulting about it, but that’s extremely rare.

  49. Considering that he is being called transphobic so frequently that he now says he is “used to it,” it’s hard to understand how he can continue to see himself as a spokesperson for the LGBT community rather than solely a gay spokesperson.

  50. If this comment had been directed toward gay men you woud have screamed “bigotry” asshollery” et al. Since Dan Savage is gay he gets a pass. Too many seem to think he can do no wrong.

    Dan Savage fits very well into the white affluent gay male subgroup and he connects with them.

    He does not connect with those that fall outside of that narrow sexual, socioeconomic and racial spectrum.

    Pointing out this fact is met with accusations of not “getting” Dan Savage.

    We get his ignorance and contempt and are sick of it.

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