Across the street from where I’m staying in the Pearl District is Dog Star, a daycare for pets.
All day the barking does not stop. And it’s every type of barking—deep, snappy, sharp, throaty. And the cacophony is maddening because barking is a sound that refuses to become more than it is. A bark and the body of a dog are one. No separation is possible. Barking cannot free itself from its source and self-evolve. A book of barking will never happen.
Barking is the shame of the animal kingdom, Deleuze once said. This is a fact. Mooing is far more sensible than barking. The same is true with the whinnying of a horse, or the roar of a lion, or the strange squeaking of a bat. Even in the wolf’s howling we find a poetry that is entirely missing in barking.
Ha! The idea of you being forced to listen to dogs bark all day brings a smile to my face. Thank you, Charles.
Animal behaviorists have learned that only dogs and wolf puppies bark. Mature wolves do not bark. Barking is a marker for retarded development, for infantilism
Whatcha doin in the Pearl, anyway?
It always surprises me how many dogs I see around the Pearl. If you can afford a Pearl condo, why not get a house and yard?
There will never be a greater Mudede post, even if Salma Hayek was included.
God bless you, Charles Mudede, you crazy, hateful fucker.
Imagining you trying to masturbate to a picture of Dakota Fanning while constantly being interrupted by barking dogs brings warmth to my heart.
@5
i think this might say more about yourself than you intended . . .
and yeah, Deleuze kept spiders and ticks.
they’re pretty quite until you set them loose on Dakota Fanning.
Not enough pot in Portland, eh Charles?
I think I’ll use this post in my next class to show how personal bias clouds thinking and impedes meaningful expression.
Dear Livejournal,
@6
If you know anything about Charles Mudede, you know he’s about to begin OR just finished OR currently masturbating to a picture of Dakota Fanning.
His other hobbies include standing too close to women in line at the grocery store and watching his daughter sleep.
I’m not on this bizarre I-hate-Charles train, which will be made unbelievable by my next statement. Buuuut..
Charles, you look like a dog-loving perv, taking pictures as you peek between bushes and through a fence.
Again though, that was meant to be comedic, not outright hateful.
I once saw a cartoon that speculated what dogs really say when they bark – turns out they’re all just shouting “Hey!” all the time. I agree that it’s one of the most pointlessly aggravating sounds out there, and serves little to no purpose – it’s all just pointless posturing. A dog that’s really going to do anything isn’t going to make any noise at all, or maybe growl at the most.
@5, 11: Get help.
Yeah, dogs suck alright.
Did you see that awesome cartoon where the fella invents a miraculous device that translates the barks of dogs into human speech?
Everyone is excited to hear what the dogs have been saying all this time. The inventor turns on the machine, and it turns out the dogs are all saying:
“Hey!” “Hey!” “Hey!” “Hey!”
And that’s why dogs suck.
@13 you suck too god dammit.
Charles, your disdain for dogs seems almost as obsessive as narn’s disdain for food.
My dog has several different barks depending on the situation. Seriously. He has a bark for people he knows, one for the mailman, etc. It’s cats you have to watch out for. They steal your breath.
@13 and @14 – that’s an old Gary Larson cartoon.
http://www.metafilter.com/47016/Translat…
For the dogs it is just an all day party and they chatting away. There are few things that could make them happier.
Dear Charles,
I hate dogs. I hate their barking. I hate their smell. I hate them jumping on me. I hate them licking me. I hate their bad breath. I hate their neediness. I hate when their owners are oblivious to the fact that you don’t want to interact with their dog. I hate their shit in the yard. I hate their owners neediness. I hate dogs
Sometimes dogma and karma go hand in hand, apparently. 😛
my dog is dying and you hurt my feelings.
Yes to the point about howling. The sound of coyotes howling in the California desert in the middle of the night is so eerie and beautiful. But barking just makes me want to scream.
Thank you dogs. Your animal noises are payback for the useless animal noises that Charles calls hiphop.
bark, bark, bark, i hate dogs, bark, bark…
🙂
Most of your posts sound like barking dogs to me.
My dog Lulu is in intensive care right now suffering from canine bloat, she’ll probably die by morning. I’d give anything to hear her bark again.
@27,
Your post made me so sad I just lost my entire train of thought. My condolences.
@20, Finally!! Someone who feels about dogs & their owners like I do. I love you!
Please stop typing things forever.
Where are these dogs located? I would like to make them bark even louder for you Mr. Muede. It would be interesting to find out what type of thoughts will come out as your response.
They are probably barking in objection to your spying on them. Smart dogs. Perfectly adapted response to weird men staring at them.
After all this, #1 said it best.
What #1 said.
ya, sounds pretty poetic (justice!) to me.
Charles – I don’t agree.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D-fEeT6Ch…
1. seriously mudede? deleuze? totally unnecessary.
2. did you mean whinnying?
3. i nonetheless sympathize. relentless barking is its own particular hell.
“Barking is a marker for retarded development, for infantilism.”
You can’t judge dogs by wolves, they’re not the same animal. It’s like expecting gorillas to write books. Their development isn’t retarded, they’re just different creatures that do different things.
Some dogs suck for sure… But people, in general, suck way more. I often have more respect for dogs than I do their owners. But, ultimately, if you hate dogs, deep down, there’s something missing in your soul.