A reader writes (sic throughout):
I am new to Seattle and Cap Hill and am wondering- do you faggots have nicknames for your “Gay Mafia” like the real Mafia does? I mean, is there like a “Timmy the Cocksucker” and Freddie the Pedo-Lester? How about AIDS ASs Bobby or Gaping Rectum Ronny??
Listen to me you fuck- when I talked to my real estate agent abotut my condo, they didn’t say nothing about all these faggots up here and I guess you have to “play the game” and you fucks have your own AIDS infected hell holes like that fucking place by te six Arms where all you can smell is cum in the streets. This is a public health Violation! I am already contacting a lawyer and its one thing to be gay, nobofy gives a FUCK what you fucking faggots do in your PRIVACY OF OWN HOME WITH DOORS LOCKED AND WINDOWS DRAWN but in the streets it is againt the LAW! I hapen to know people who will be hearing about this, not including you you fucking dooooooosh bag. Eat sit and die motherfucker, I hope you all get the AIDS!!!!
Anyone who’d care to answer the letter-writer’s question about gay mafia monikers or anything else may reach him at ma.pistonejr@gmail.com.
is….is he hating on my beloved Seattle Eagle? I will kill.
I can’t blame the man for not being able to tear his eyes off those Bearracuda posters, but really!
Dude, why do you think your condo’s even worth anything?
Move you pathetic excuse for a lump of skin! Funny how you know what cum smells like? I don’t, and I’m a “faggot”. Why don’t you man up and post a pic of yourself. I’d LOVE to run into you at the safeway. Because you know what I’d say to you? I’d say “are you ready to home and tell your mama you got your ass kicked by a faggot?” The area you want to live in is called Kansas you douche bag!
Remind me, do we have AIDS already or are we about to get it? the letter isn’t clear.
@51: The unspoken reality of bear dances is that there will always be at least a couple closeted married men.
The embarrassing reality is that I’ve slept with a couple of them when I lived in Portland and it was as unfortunate as it sounds.
The sad reality is this conversation:
Me: “Hold on, let me get a condom.”
Him: “Nah, I’m allergic to latex.”
Me: “Then there won’t be any buttsex…”
Him: “What? I’m negative!”
Me: “You’re also married, apparently.”
Him: “[Naked Silence] C’mon, man… we’re adults here…”
@27: Thank you for noticing that!
Here was my response: “Move you pathetic excuse for a lump of skin! Funny how you know what cum smells like? I don’t, and I’m a “faggot”. Why don’t you man up and post a pic of yourself. I’d LOVE to run into you at the safeway. Because you know what I’d say to you? I’d say “are you ready to home and tell your mama you got your ass kicked by a faggot?” The area you want to live in is called Kansas you douche bag!”
LOL what.
I’m really hoping this is fake.
I’ll bet 10$ this “ass face” lives in those stupid condos with the palm trees on top!
Sure he’s an asshole and sure he can’t spell/type/probably read — but y’all still haven’t answered his question
Inquiring minds want to know
Come on, obviously his name came up on Gmail, there are too many Pistones on Facebook, help us out!
From: REDACTED
To: ma.pistonejr@gmail.com
Subject: Gay Mafia
Message:
Dear Sir:
I am Swishy Tony the Flamer, right-hand man to the Don of the Seattle Gay Mafia. Having read your letter, I’m downright surprised by your disapproval; if the good citizens of Seattle had such a problem with what we do, they wouldn’t have let us move in on the blowjob market. We do, however, like your spirit, and I’ve been authorized to invite you into the big gay Family. Several of our men will be by shortly to induct you into the Gay Mafia by all making love to your butthole at the same time, if you make the wise choice of accepting the Homo Don’s generous offer. I strongly encourage you to do so. (And if it takes you a while to get used to having a big throbbing cock up your ass, like you’ve always wanted, you can always look at one of the butch lesbians across the room and pretend that it’s just her shoving a double-ended dildo up your ass, like straight guys like to do.) Also, the pants you were wearing yesterday really enhanced your package. Where do you shop?
Welcome to the Fagmily,
Swishy Tony
Oh, to be young, closeted, and new to the big city. How romantic. The array of experiences spread out before him like the Ikea shmorgy-bar. But, alas, he has neither the couth, nor the savvy, nor the courage to partake of the adventure, so instead, he writes a lonely and unamusing email, practically screaming his plea to be welcomed inside. He is shunned.
Well, letter writer, attractive bisexual women open to MFM threesomes are so rare that we’re called “unicorns” and get My Little Pony-themed mafia names. Hope that helps!
With love from your lady friends at the Gay Mafia,
Rainbow Dash & Twilight Sparkle
Someone’s trying to steal Charlie Sheen’s thunder. Don’t try to out-Sheen the Sheen. He’s an F-18, bro.
Dear @7,
I usually avoid reading unregistered posts because they are so often disappointing, but every once in a while, one like yours makes me laugh so hard I start to choke. Thanks for keeping hope alive.
-Lenore
Agreed with @44, posting his email address was dick. Would have been sufficient to post the letter and direct him to the thread mocking him.
And I mean, if I shelled out for a fancy condo and then discovered the neighborhood was full of, like, mormons, I’d be kinda pissed too. I know it’s a bad analogy but if the dude’s going to be unhappy to have gay neighbors and the gay neighbors are going to be unhappy to have him, then would have been a good idea for the real estate agent to give him the heads up. And it would have been a good idea for him to do some basic research, but oh well.
@67: Couldn’t agree with you less. Live by the screeching hate-speech, die by the screeching hate-speech. IF this douche really has a job and a condo, I hope his employer finds out about this and he is out of both real soon.
Dan K., where you been, man? We missed you! Did you move to France pussy you faggot?
how in hell do you buy a condo and THEN find out that there are gay people in the neighborhood ?
something in his milk ain’t clean.
signed,
fudgy the colored ( i mean negro.. i mean black.. i mean african american ) fudge packer.
I wish I was such a rich asshole that I could buy a condo sight unseen without casing the neighborhood.
@71: Really? Look at the problems it brings!
pistone? Somebody’s been watching too much Donnie Brasco. This is obviously a fake, this guy couldn’t afford a studio in auburn, much less a condo in federal way. I’m surprised some of y’all are thinking this is real. Fuggetabout it.
That reminds me, it’s been a while since I wandered past the Six Arms.
If he doesn’t know much about nor want any proximity to gays, how does he know that there is a gay bathhouse near the Six Arms? Its not like they have a billboard. I didn’t even know what that place was for a few years and I’m a faggety fag fag.
I was disappointed that the letter wasn’t longer. His hateful driveI was righteously entertaining!! I mean, really, “smelling cum in the streets,” c’mon! Good stuff!!
Being in the Gay Mafia is a lot harder than being in the real Mafia. We actually have to cover up our garlic breath.
What a fag!
Why do the homos always assume homophobes are closet homos? Please explain this fascinating self loathing. Thanks.
@ 79: I don’t know Kinkaid, why don’t you come out of the closet and tell us?
@79: Richard Curtis… Bob Allen… Glenn Murphey Jr…. Roy Ashburn… Edward Schrock… David Drier… Larry Craig… Ted Haggard… George Rekers… are you sensing a pattern here?
The correct term is Velvet Mafia.
I liked “nobofy” and “hapen” and, especially, “Eat sit.”
what a freaken bore. the only monikers that come to my mind are “the people who are better then you” & “the ones whod whoop your arse if you werent so pussy to anonymously post”. I usually dont post to trolls but i just happened to be bored. stand by your convictions, if they are truly yours. this striking form the shadows is a total bitch move.