A reader writes (sic throughout):

I am new to Seattle and Cap Hill and am wondering- do you faggots have nicknames for your “Gay Mafia” like the real Mafia does? I mean, is there like a “Timmy the Cocksucker” and Freddie the Pedo-Lester? How about AIDS ASs Bobby or Gaping Rectum Ronny??

Listen to me you fuck- when I talked to my real estate agent abotut my condo, they didn’t say nothing about all these faggots up here and I guess you have to “play the game” and you fucks have your own AIDS infected hell holes like that fucking place by te six Arms where all you can smell is cum in the streets. This is a public health Violation! I am already contacting a lawyer and its one thing to be gay, nobofy gives a FUCK what you fucking faggots do in your PRIVACY OF OWN HOME WITH DOORS LOCKED AND WINDOWS DRAWN but in the streets it is againt the LAW! I hapen to know people who will be hearing about this, not including you you fucking dooooooosh bag. Eat sit and die motherfucker, I hope you all get the AIDS!!!!

Anyone who’d care to answer the letter-writer’s question about gay mafia monikers or anything else may reach him at ma.pistonejr@gmail.com.

David Schmader—former weed columnist and Stranger associate editor—is the author of the solo plays Straight and Letter to Axl, which he’s performed in Seattle and across the US. His latest...

84 replies on ““Question about Capitol Hill ‘Gay Mafia'””

  6. Oh, he’s got the old org chart. The Gay Mafia got folded into the Gay Agenda, what, two, three restructurings ago? We were all under the orders of the Learned Elders of Zion when I started paying attention, though I guess there’s been some talk about merging with the American Sharia Soldiers now. It gets so complicated.

    Look, guy, I think I’ve got the chart here somewhere. Do you want a copy? No promises that it’s the most up-to-date thing you’ve ever seen. You know how we reptiloids are, always chasing the latest fad!

  11. i totally agree. real estate agesnts have a duty to the people of capitol hill to inform potential buyers that they are moving into a largely gay area. also, TO GIVE THESE FUCKING LUNATICS IQ AND PERSONALITY SCREENING TESTS. eg: Do you think the KKK is a) a bad thing, b) the front line of christian america, c) meeting in your new condo twice a week.

  12. Funny but I seem to have missed all the public anal sex every time I walk down by the Six Arms. What block do all you gay mafia do that on? Down by Bauhaus?

  13. @4 – Exactly what I was thinking. This just doesn’t ring true to the way that somebody would actually think about this subject… My guess is that this is some fan who was trying to get his letter up on the Slog and he was happy to write some fake-hate to get it there.

  16. I just emailed him the post to let him know his question has been most thoroughly answered by the good folks of slog. Very convenient link, thanks Stranger!

  17. “the streets smell like cum…”

    Obviously he has a very attenuated sense of smell. Perhaps God is giving you a sign, Mr. Pistone?

  18. in your PRIVACY OF OWN HOME WITH DOORS LOCKED AND WINDOWS DRAWN

    Where does one draw the windows? On the wall, or on a big pad of paper? Is this a gay thing?

  19. @4 & 13 but the misspellings and caps are sooo batshit crazy typical, not sure it can be faked. Kinda like a trained singer trying to intentionally sing off-key.

  20. “Now listen: I want somebody good — and I mean very good — to plant that gun. I don’t want my brother coming out of that toilet with just his dick in his hands, alright?”

  22. @14 FTW

    I wouldn’t mind that as the scenario for my last day on earth, provided the “eat” included chocolate and/or beer…

  23. It’s almost as if thoughtful, well-spoken homophobes who know how to spell and use complete sentences were in short supply. Why would that be?

  25. I also like that ma jr. (my new name for him) “hapen to know people…”

    Isn’t that the most overused (non)threat in existence?

  26. Hell, even if the email is fake, he’s still just a pathetic troll desperate for attention.

    Here’s what I find interesting- somehow, he knew that Club Z was a gay sex club (I assume that’s what he means by “that fucking place by te six Arms”) which means that either he read the very interesting Stranger article about it (in which case he knows full well that Capitol Hill is the gay neighborhood) or he’s been inside the club himself… and seeing as he’s apparently well acquainted with the smell of semen, either way I’d say it’s a sure bet he’s a closet case.

  28. @19 There’s just a part of me that asks, “Would a person that ignorant and incoherent, both in his views and in his ability to write a coherent email, actually be capable of holding employment that would pay sufficiently to enable him to buy a condo in one of Seattle’s most popular and obviously gayest neighborhoods?”

    My inclination is to say “no”, but that may be wishful thinking on my part.

  30. Good lord, I thought the full moon was several days ago. Where is this cray-cray coming from?
    @20: Nice reference! Actually, not a bad idea: Maybe we could get James Caan to come by and could scare the crap out of this punk…

  31. Whether he’s a genuine bigot or a self-hating closet case, we should all take that email address and use it to sign up for some gay porn newsletters. The kinkier the better.

  32. Dear Ma Dot Pissed One Junior: You could move to Tukwila, Carnation or White Center where teh gay is not so much in evidence; but in your case, wherever you go, there you are. Wear a sign so we can ignore you.

  33. I emailed him to sympathize with his awful plight: “It must be a terrible temptation for you to be COMPLETELY SURROUNDED by all those terrible faggots doing all those terrible faggot things to each other, those terrible things that you can’t stop thinking about for some reason.”

  34. @28 Good point. I should’ve considered that. It was kinda fun to think otherwise, though. *sigh*

    Maybe the money was inherited? From someone who did just “eat, sit and die motherfucker”?

  35. @7 FTW. And that was before I noticed your user name!

    Yeah, this guy is either an idiot or someone hacked his email and sent this to start a shit storm. The internet has made me jaded. : (

  37. As much as I want this to be real it’s the last phrase that won’t allow me to think so.

    I don’t think someone on a real rant would say “the AIDS” – most folks who are all worked up and hatey don’t use “the” as a humorous adjective.

  43. Dear new condo owner: You should meet the neighbors! Go down to R Place this Saturday and explain in clear terms your feelings. Have fun!

  44. This guy is an asshole, but posting his e-mail address is likewise a dick move.

    Ask yourself how would everyone feel if Dan started revealing the addresses of all the idiots & assholes asking for his love advice?

  45. what a silly! of COURSE the gay mafia has a name: We’re the Pussy You Faggots. we must invite mr. pistone to the next slog happy and roofie his drink.

  46. I have to remember this the next time someone leaves their email open. Send an extremely homophobic email to The Stranger and watch what they do with it.

  48. I bet the next time I hear this guy’s rancid vitriol will be when he’s shouting a potpourri of slurs at a Metro driver when he’s thrown off a bus.

  49. why even post this david? need something to boost comments? giving people like this publicity is half of the problem.

    and if i ever actually heard of a group of gays calling themselves the ‘gay mafia’ i may just become celibate.

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