I’m sure all of you knew this already, but I’m sharing it just in case.* I sent my mom, who is a nurse, an e-mail about old Granny Laser Eyez over here (the e-mail went something like this: “!!!?!?!!?!!?!?!?!?!?!??!!?!?!??!!!?!???????!?!??!?!?!?!?! EYEBALL TOOTH EYEBALL TOOTH EYEBALL TOOTH” and so on into infinity), and she sent a concise and satisfying response. After the jump.
That eyeball thing. Sounds like her problem was with her anterior eye where the cornea, lens, iris and sclera live. The retina is part of the posterior eyeball, so she didn’t lose her optic nerve or retina, which would have caused permanent blindness.
Usually you can repair a lens/cornea problem with a cornea transplant (from a cadaver) and an artificial lens (plastic). But there was no healthy eye tissue to work with and no pocket (capsule) in which to place the artificial lens. So they had to use something else to hold the lens in place (the tooth) and something else to cover it with (a mucous membrane-inside of cheek) since the cornea/sclera was too scarred. Or something like that.
Maybe she should wear some of those trick eyeball glasses so she doesn’t look so scary.
Love you. Mom
Well, okay then. I feel much calmer now. I don’t know why the original article didn’t just say that.**
*Also, I reeeally just wanted an excuse to publish the phrase, “old Granny Laser Eyez.”
**It’s possible that the original article did just say that, but I was pretty busy screaming and pooping my pants. Sorry.
Lindy, can you have your mom explain Healthcare Reform to me?
Dear Lindy – I thought I dreamed this up yesterday while taking my regular 6pm post-work disco nap, but it is so – both you and ALL THINGS CONSIDERED were channeling the EyeTooth phenomenon yesterday…
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story…
I second that request
I think it would be a lot more entertaining to have Lindy explain health-care reform.
Your mom rocks.
Lindy – the bottle, get control.
That’s exactly what the original article said.
Your mom should have a Stranger column.
God. This is the best.
I’m assuming here that “losing” the retina refers to detachment. That can be fixed by a procedure called vitrectomy. My other half was legally blind because of retinal detachment, which was corrected, to a large degree, by this procedure.
Be carefull. She has the power to summon demons to drag you to hell now.
Lindy, the bottle and the bag. Yes, get help.
I hope she doesn’t get pee in it.
wow