Paul Constant is tired of you real-life superheroes. He does not wish to discuss it any further.
But Wm.™ Steven Humphrey has got your back with some superhero fashion advice:
Dear superheroes of the world: Let’s talk “fashion,” shall we? Perhaps it hasn’t been brought to your attention, but you look like a goddamn idiot. As I see it, you have only one job: BEATING THE CRAP OUT OF CRIMINALS. However, the uniform you’ve chosen in which to accomplish this task seems somewhat counterintuitive. For example, would a ballerina dress like a Chuck E. Cheese’s mascot? No. Would a construction worker wear assless chaps? Again, no—unless you’re talking about my most recent New Year’s party. So bearing this in mind, why do superheroes insist on dressing like a Jazzercise video from 1982?
Read more of his sartorial wisdom here.
You know, that TV series The Cape looks really fun.
The Cape looks like all the worst excesses that ruined Heroes (which was at least fun and engaging early on) blown up even worse. Its like it’s impossible for anyone to actually make superhero TV that doesn’t suck. Or, they make a show that goes wildly out of it’s way to dance around being superheroes, but won’t commit for some bizarre reason: Smallville–it took them TEN YEARS of our lives to make him a hero. TEN! No Ordinary Family. Heroes.
Shit or get off the genre pot.
Better catch the Cape while you can, before it’s canceled around this time next week.
Also, the middle aged Clark Kent of Smallville is no hero, and he sure as Hell isn’t Superman.