According to the completely awesome website Restore Stephen Baldwin, Stephen Baldwin = Job. He has been forced into poverty by refusing to take acting roles he didn’t like (just like Job!), and now it’s up to the Christians of the world to save him so he can yell at people some more and still pay for soul-patch wax and pouting cream.
A privately funded and managed website. Our vision is to see Stephen Baldwin publicly restored in front of millions. Stephen’s platform will increase allowing him to reach even more people with the Gospel and God will get all of the glory. Publicly.
Publicly!
Please do not miss the Q&A section of the site. It will answer all your Qs about Stephen Baldwin and why he and God need your money so badly.
For example:
Q- What happened to his wealth?
A- When he became an outspoken Christian in 2002 his income went down by 70% when he refused roles with gratuitous sex and violence.
Q- Why does Stephen need personal wealth?
A- Stephen’s influence is in Hollywood. Hollywood worships money and without it you are seen as a loser and cannot be an effective influence to this group.
Q- Is the site secure for credit cards?
A- The site is as secure as any major online store.
This website really seems too crazy to be real, but the company that created it is the same company that does Baldwin’s official site, as well as his “Breakthrough Ministry” site, and other related works.
thanks, videogum
I love this. I only wish I had more money to give.
He was on Celebrity Big Brother here in Britain last year and came across as incredibly creepy.
At one point in the show he said he had told his daughters to let themselves be shot dead instead of denying their Christianity if such a hypothetical situation came to pass.
But he doesn’t worship money. Yeah, sure. Blah, blah fucking blah.
Maybe he could start selling his own brand of pouting cream?
If anyone is wondering “what happened to his wealth” – I have a copy of THE GENIUS CLUB on DVD where Mr. Baldwin plays – as is explicitly stated in the screenplay, repeatedly – the person with the highest-IQ in the world.
His task in the film was to prove the existence of god.
So yeah. If they were being honest about this, they’d just offer shares in Xtian-themed movies. It’s a much more lucrative circuit than the secular-independent film.
Did he go to the same lip doctor as Meg Ryan?
Leather sportcoat = douchebag. Sorry, dude, you know it’s true.
That Family Guy clip showing the rest of the Baldwin brothers suckling off Alec’s teats couldn’t be more accurate.
My kid’s college savings has been burning a hole in my pocket. This is a much worthier cause.
Ok – I ran across this funny little detail on the page. The DONATE page has a default contribution of $4.21. Why? Well, they tell you:
All this and numerology too? It’s a stupidity cluster. Or more likely, it’s a marketing test to see if there is a profitable stupidity cluster at this junction.
stephen baldwin used to come into a coffee shop i worked at on a daily basis, try to get me to go to his skate church and called my tattoos stupid. i gave him decaf, because that man doesn’t need anymore coffee. and his is still one of my favorite jokes.
Not taking jobs still doesn’t account for where his wealth went, in the first question.
A testament to how stupid Stephen Baldwin really is. Not his website, mind you, but that it took him this long to figure out the *real* way religious people make money is to beg it from suckers.
Evey year, tens of thousands of people uproot their lives and head to southern California with delusions of fame and fortune on their minds. They want to be actors or directors or writers. A very tiny tiny fraction of these folks are successful enough to make a paying career of it. Some combination of talent and luck is necessary to breakthrough into this nepotistic industry of the make believe-engine.
S. Baldwin had the luck part down (he was born a Baldwin) but he turned out to be a horrible actor with or without god. Have you watched anything he’s been in? He is broke because he lacks the charm, charisma, and talent that is necessary in his chosen field.
S. Baldwin needs to find a new career. If this silly “Baldwin is the new Job” website is successful, I predict his new field will be tele-envangelism.. where terrible acting is somehow a virtue.
God spoke to me and said he wants all of you to send me money too.
Now hurry up.
Zoolander face!!!
God, Alec, I’m sorry. I have an idiot brother, too. It’s a trial.
He compares himself to Job because he can’t get acting jobs because refuses to act in mainstream Hollywood movies because of the sex and violence? Has he read the book of Job? It is filled with sex and violence. Oh, yeah, so is the rest of the Bible. Whatta wanknut.
So here’s a guy who’s been busy REFUSING work for the sake of Christians everywhere. Now he’s broke (and surprised about that apparently) and he wants those same Christians to pay him $2 MILLION DOLLARS so he can go back to Hollywood with his head HIGH and preach the gospel? And I quote: “Stephen’s platform will increase allowing him to reach even more people with the Gospel and God will get all of the glory. Publicly.” Yuck!
Then there’s “Stephen’s influence is in Hollywood. Hollywood worships money and without it you are seen as a loser and cannot be an effective influence to this group.” Asking for the $2 Mil sounds a little like Stevie worships Franklin more than Yahweh.
Seems to me that you don’t need money to preach the gospel, just some rags, a hair shirt and a soapbox.
L-O-S-E-R…
The robot devil appears to be challenging Stevie B. to a funds-off:
http://restoresomeoneelse.org
I don’t know if the “creepy” or “douchebag” tag wins out here…they will both be fighting it out for 1st place while “self-righteaous” and “egomaniac” fight for 2nd.
Love the pic with the halo as he preached to the crowd…too bad that Jesus dude didn’t have Stephen’s talent and pouty good looks or he might have had an impact.
How about this one Stephen(Mark 10:17-25)17 And when he was gone forth into the way, there came one running, and kneeled to him, and asked him, Good Master, what shall I do that I may inherit eternal life? 18 And Jesus said unto him, Why callest thou me good? there is none good but one, that is, God.
19 Thou knowest the commandments, Do not commit adultery, Do not kill, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Defraud not, Honour thy father and mother. 20 And he answered and said unto him, Master, all these have I observed from my youth. 21 Then Jesus beholding him loved him, and said unto him, One thing thou lackest: go thy way, sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, take up the cross, and follow me.
22 And he was sad at that saying, and went away grieved: for he had great possessions.
this is REAL important people! stephen needs to have just as much money as his multimillionaire hollywood buddies whilst refusing any role which his crazy a#$ thinks disagrees with the word of God. this is serious business people don’t let this loudmouth feel the thing he should, accountability. nobody wants stephen to suffer just cause he went from crazed drug addict to crazed religious addict.