Only a matter of minutes before our magical night with the head of state begins! We’re hiding out in Old School Pizzeria (thanks RL, an adoring memory of grease already led us here) because Lindy West says it’s bad luck to see the governor before the ball.
Lindy’s urgent matters: What is that apostrophe for? Why did Eli order the “one ton”? Exactly how many different meats make up this literal ton of pizza topping and why am I so dizzy? How fashionably late is fashionably late enough for the gov ball, but not so fashionably late that the government booze is fashionably gone? 
Could I get that Hook-themed pinball machine out of here and into my car without anyone noticing?
Eli’s urgent matters: Dig Dug? Really, Old School Pizzeria? Dig Dug? I can’t even figure out what I’m supposed to do in this game. There are people trapped underground. Do I rescue them? When I rescue them, they kill me. 
Do I dig myself out from underground? When I do that, there’s nowhere to go. Is this a metaphor for something, Dig Dug? Old-school Atari tabletop console, are you sending some sort of cosmic message about my life?
It’s almost time. Lindy is heading to the pizza bathroom to put on her ball face.
oh my god you newb! someone over the age of 30 please take this guy to an arcade and show him the ropes.
Should’ve gone to Dirty Dave’s for the cashew pizza.
As pinball machines go, Hook is not a good one. Don’t sneak it home or else you’ll regret it in the morning.
Not know about Dig Dug?! Not make….sense. Cannot handle… young… people.
everyone knows it’s all about the Breakdancing Instructional poster on the wall. Hell, it’s all about the posters. we (i) demand pics of the posters!
Dig-dug is the fukkin’ shit. 80s arcade games are hard.
Eli: The people trapped underground are HORRIBLE MONSTERS, and your goal is to inflate them with your gas canister until they explode. Hence the haz-mat suit; the plot of the game revolves around excavating their decimated corpses before they contaminate the water supply. Also, the lizard-looking ones spit their entrails out at you and light them on fire. 80’s: Hard. Core.
Dig Dug table top game + pizza = road trip for me
Wash your faces (and/or trendy beards, as the case may be) so you don’t smell like rancid cheese and meat grease.
Old School pizza cannot be fucked with. In a gov.’s ball related note, I hope Lt. Gov. Brad Owen’s shitty band is the entertainment for the night and you have to sit through it!
hittin’ the bong a bit early and a bit hard, are you?
A better pinball machine to steal is medieval madness.
The hatred against DD is inexplicable. Next you’ll hate on Mr. Do?
They used to have 1941 as a tabletop there. It was great. And the original Old School had a gianormous amazing Star Wars mural on the wall. It was just amazing.
If Jon’s working, tell him I say hi.
But how was the schmizza?!?!
They still have 1941. Its on the table next to Dig Dug. Long live Dig Dug.
Matt Old School Pizzeria Name Dropper Hickey
Dude, those underground dig dug monsters are killing your plants! You’re trying to save your garden plants by killing those pests. Notice when you pass a level more flowers grow in your garden? Sheesh, my daughter figured this out by watching the demos. Smarter than a fifth grader?
Best pizza in the Capital City.
the One Ton pizza is a reference to the o.g. Olympia band, One Ton, from the Melvins-Karpolithic era, fyi. xo
Ms. Pac Man rules – Dig Dug is for those on training wheels.
you gotta hit up the clubside cafe for a cheesesteak bro!
clubside sucks giant balls except for the cheesy-tots, johjn. (sorry, if this is really kenny, i think the breakfast burritos are tolerable also)
I wa s going to say Dirty Daves’s too, but I haven’t been in 24 years.