Have you been having trouble keeping up with all this baskey-whatzit going on!? Me too. Luckily, comedian Rob Delaney—my favorite person that I can think of right now—breaks it all down on his blog. Enjoy and you’re welcome!

An excerpt:

MARCH 16: The game is played in full darkness, officiated by blind referees firing 12-gauge shotguns loaded with bird shot at any basketball-related noise they hear.

MARCH 17: This game is simple. Standard basketball. BUT, there are no hoops and anytime a player wishes to “score,” he must build his own hoop, net, and backboard, score his 2 “basketball points,” then burn his handiwork in a ceremonial fire, center court.

MARCH 18: For this game, the standard basketball is replaced with a vaseline basketball. It’s not really a ball, I guess; it’s more of a basketball-sized glop of Vaseline.

MARCH 19: This game is just normal basketball. With one twist – it’s baseball.

READ IT ALL, GODDAMNIT.

Lindy West was born an unremarkable female baby in Seattle, Washington. The former Stranger writer covered movies, movie stars, exclamation points, lady stuff, large frightening fish, and much, much more....

11 replies on “Rob Delaney Explains March Madness”

  1. Oh. I thought it was when the Sounders lose two squeakers in a row and they’re bottom of the League with only one week in.

    By the way, the Sounders game is Friday, not Saturday. They moved it so they could escape the approaching nuclear clouds.

  2. I’ve been meaning to thank you for tipping me to his twitter feed some time ago. It’s the only one I look at every now and then – thoroughly lovely.

    “I should get help.” – what we used to say to ourselves after having the sorts of thoughts we now gleefully post on Twitter

    http://twitter.com/robdelaney

  3. If you dont know shit about basketball (or sports in general), dont post anything. I dont know if your trying to be funny, or trying to be a cruel bitch.

    You might as well let Pat Robertson guest host Savage Love.

  5. I believe the correct spelling is “GODDAMMIT.” If you want to preserve the “n” part of it, I think you would say “GOD DAMN IT.” But I am open to correction on this.

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