In 2008, The Stranger rolled out some new chemical compounds to help you get to, and through, Election Day.

Some, like Palium (“Induces a Valium-like calm with respect to all things Sarah Palin”) are a bit past their expiration date. But others—Virginiacodone, Afrodiazepine, Cellexa, Jewbutrin, and Pollzac—may still be helpful. Ask your doctor which one is right for you!

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More aging but potentially helpful pills RIGHT HERE!

Eli Sanders was The Stranger's associate editor. His book, "While the City Slept," was a finalist for the Washington State Book Award and the Dayton Literary Peace Prize. He once did this and once won...