Police Chief Diaz, with mustache.
  • City of Seattle
  • How it used to be.

Tips are flooding in to The Stranger newsroom that the mustache of Seattle Police Chief John Diaz—a long-time, faithful companion of the police chief himself—has gone missing.

It’s unclear at this point whether the separation was amicable or the result of a robbery or freak shearing accident. All we can say with certainty is that today is a bleak day for Diaz’s vulnerable upper lip and mustache riders throughout our fair city.

I’ll update this story as soon as we know more.

Former Stranger news writer Cienna Madrid has been a writer in residence for Richard Hugo House, a local literary nonprofit. There, she taught fiction classes and wrote 4/5 of a book about a death-row...