Delightful.

Most respondents stated that attitudes towards sex changed after the Vietnam and Woodstock wars.

Before the days of colonization, America was like a young, untouched child.

And, if you’ll pardon the redundancy, my personal favorite:

There are many different races of bagels.

20 replies on ““Shit My Students Write””

  1. I’ve taught writing at the college-level for 15 years and am routinely pissed off at peers who post student mistakes as fodder to be laughed at. It’s a dick move and a mean-spirited violation of the trust they put in you to treat their work professionally. I’ve never met a single mocker of student writing errors who was a really good teacher, and when I hire faculty evidence of this sort of “humor” is a sign that the applicant is in the wrong business.

  3. I was an exceptional student (at least by American standards), and even I wrote dumb shit like this when I was unprepared or simply confused. Also, echoing #1, it’s shitty teachers who underprepare and confuse their students to this extent.

  4. This is an exceptional site. And sometimes, they are quite astute; “At some point in a person’s life, they are a teenager, and every teenager is sure to hold a mug of angst close at hand.”

    Truth.

  6. Just a mug of angst?! Hell, I kept a full pitcher close at hand on most days and a keg on bad ones. I love that and am tots stealing it.

  7. Oh, and the latter 2 conditions are completely mockable. I remember writing a paper that equated picking blackberries with murder for the AP exam. Or, another for the same exam where I completely changed the ending of Frankenstein.

    Both deserved to be completely mocked and vilified on the internet (if it had been around at that point).

  8. @7,

    Teachers who can’t or won’t be sympathetic to how fucking horrible it is to be a kid have no business working in education. Full stop.

    I’m sorry you’re incapable of empathy.

  9. The internet ate my comment.

    Mocking kids because no one has bothered to teach them critical thinking, or because they haven’t quite learned to write yet is mean spirited and dumb. I really hope someone explains their mistakes to them rather than sits back and laughs at them for being children.

  11. They are either dyslexic, incredibly tired or have an incompetent teacher with zero compassion.

    @9
    I hate the grammar police.

  13. I see quite a few comments here about incompetent and shitty teachers. Like if these students are writing nonsensical nonsense, then the failure lays at the feet of the teacher. So since we’re passing out blame, where do the parents fit in? And could it be that these students are somewhere in the learning process? I mean, if they can write perfect sentences and papers, why go to school at all? I grow tired of teachers getting the blame for all the “shortcomings” of today’s students. Students are a product of their environment. Nothing more, nothing less.

  15. Jeez, you guys. It’s funny! No one’s mocking the kids; we all do dumb things when we’re young (and not so young). No need to blame the teachers. You can teach well and have great compassion and still have a giggle when you see this stuff. Lighten up!

  18. “The potato literally encouraged the Irish to overbreed.” my personal favorite.

    I dont think they’re fake-the shit we all wrote in high school and college trying to be “creative” or interesting all turned out to be shit.

  19. Many of these are esl errors which makes it even less cool.

    Fine to say these quotes are funny or deserve mocking, but you should be happy about the teachers serious enough about their jobs and their students to think differently. In other words no you stfu.

  20. No, this shit is real. I just graded about 130 10th grade research papers, and boy did I read some whoppers. And I don’t see the big deal about publishing them for shits and giggles. The kids will be the first to admit they were just throwing everything at the wall to hit that 1500 word count, or were sloppy with the rewrite/spell-check.

    Love that the usual humorless twats are here to disapprovingly shake their fingers at us for having a sense of humor.

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