Originally posted on December 31, 2014.

I’ve recently discovered that I am a panty sniffer. Though since I’m a gay man, maybe I’m a briefs breather? The smell gets me hard and gets me off. I discovered this when a fuck buddy left his shorts behind, and for the next few days I jerked off sniffing his shorts. That brings me to the young millennial techie guys at my work. They are fucking slobs, and they’re always leaving their underwear and socks on the floor of the company’s gym in our office. The janitor picks them up and puts them in a lost-and-found bin. I started checking the bin, and nothing was being removed. No one ever claimed their shorts. So I started taking a pair every now and then. At home, I fantasize about who they belong to, and when I’m done with them, I just toss them. First question: Am I stealing? I assume the guys aren’t missing them, since they’ve been in the bin for a week or more. Second question: Have I become one of those perverted panty sniffers from those old Chester the Molester comics?

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My response after the jump…

First answer: technically, yes. But a case could be made that you’re reusing and recycling. If there were a Green Building Certification program for kinks, SNIFF, yours would qualify.

Second answer: Chester the Molester was a comic strip about a guy, Chester, “who was interested in sexually molesting women and prepubescent girls,” says my old friend Wikipedia. This vile comic strip, which ran in Hustler (of course), made child rape look like harmless and hilarious fun. Dwaine Tinsley, the creator of the strip, wound up going to prison for molesting his daughter—I’m guessing she would argue that child rape was neither harmless nor hilarious.

Since you are not interested in prepubescent boys, SNIFF, I don’t think you’re a pervert in the Chester the Molester mold. But a case could be made that your actions have a whiff of the nonconsensual about them—your coworkers would most likely object to how you’re reusing and recycling their abandoned underpants—and you should probably knock it off. There are plenty of guys selling their used underwear and jocks online, from college athletes to porn stars, and if you work at a place with a private gym, SNIFF, you can presumably afford to buy a few pairs.