I’m a fifteen-year-old girl, and I have a pretty great relationship with my parents, but I’m nervous to tell them that I have an enlarged clit. I know this is a medical problem, but I’m seeking relationship advice with my parents. Should I trust them enough to ask them to see a Gyno? In the past, they’ve seemed reluctant to talk about it. The internet seems to think that it could be caused by an excess of testosterone. Is that why I seem so much more sexually inclined than the other girls my age? Is this weird? I’ve been making excuses not to have [safe, of course] sex with boys, not because I don’t want to, but rather because I’m scared they’ll think I’m a freak.

Concerned Like Intensely Terrified

I passed this question along to regular “Savage Love” guest expert and friend-of-Slog superstar Alice Dreger, a member of the Medical Humanities and Bioethics program at Northwestern University’s Feinberg School of Medicine and a patient advocate for people born with “different-than-average sex anatomies.” Dreger responded at length to CLIT’s letter, fisking-style, and you can read Alice’s brilliant advice after the jump.

I’m a fifteen-year-old girl, and I have a pretty great relationship with my parents, but I’m nervous to tell them that I have an enlarged clit. I know this is a medical problem,

A big clit is NOT a medical problem unless you are going around accidentally poking somebody’s eye out with it. (And then it is that person’s medical problem, not yours, though I guess you might be liable.)

A big clit CAN indicate an underlying medical problem. In that sense, it can be a symptom of something that needs treatment, but don’t confuse the two. It can indicate that you have a hormonal imbalance which may need treatment for you to stay healthy.

but I’m seeking relationship advice with my parents. Should I trust them enough to ask them to see a Gyno? In the past, they’ve seemed reluctant to talk about it.

Your parents are probably dealing with their own issues of confusion, shame, and fear. The best thing to do would be to find a trusted adult (ideally someone who is a social worker, psychologist, or some other kind of counselor who works positively with families) who can sit with you and your parents and talk about all of this. The problem is, I know of only about three people, truly qualified to do this, in North America. I mean that’s how many people are qualified to understand the biology, the sexuality issues, and family dynamics in a way that is sex positive and loving.

Most docs don’t know diddly about sex variations like yours and they will fumble and freak out. That’s not going to help you. You want a doc who is sex positive, who treats you as a young adult, and who understands the difference between a big clit and a medical issue. Contact me and tell me where you’re located, and we’ll try to find you a good doc. Or, if you have a good family doc, use that person and have him or her contact me so I can put that person in touch with the experts so that you combine decent, humane care with biological expertise.

It’s most likely, by the way, that you’ll end up with a pediatric endocrinologist, so you might just start there. But again, you want someone who is decent to you and doesn’t confuse your big clit with a medical problem.

I’m afraid for you. Too many docs in this country will still treat you in a way that is backwards, against the evidence, and sex-negative. They’ll parade in a bunch of medical students and residents to look at the specimen. They’ll offer you surgery you don’t need, implying there’s something wrong with your genitals when there isn’t. They’ll worry your parents and make them feel unnecessarily guilty.

The internet seems to think that it could be caused by an excess of testosterone.

Excess of androgens, actually (testosterone is one kind of androgen).

Is that why I seem so much more sexually inclined than the other girls my age?

Could be, yes. Or maybe you’re just ahead of the curve.

Is this weird?

It’s statistically less common than the more boring kind of clit, but I would do what most women with big clits do: think of it as NORMAL FOR YOU. It is normal for you. A word of advice: A lot of girls find their genitals strange, even when they have the kind that looks more like the gyn’s wall diagram. I’m trying to avoid references to canned ham, here, while making the point to you that you’re not alone in feeling some anxiety about your genitals. The difference is that you have something that stands out, so to speak, and I don’t want to minimize that (rhetorically or surgically).

I’ve been making excuses not to have [safe, of course] sex with boys, not because I don’t want to, but rather because I’m scared they’ll think I’m a freak.

You need to understand your own situation before you have sex with boys, so that you can explain to them what’s up in a way that indicates some level of comfort and confidence. Practicing talking about it with a sex therapist playing the role of a boy would be good. And then try to find boys who are decent enough to get that variations in sex anatomy can be fun. (God knows a lot of teenage boys would be helped by a clit big enough to find easily.) Not all guys like giant boobs, not all like small boobs. Many guys are perfectly comfortable with variations on boob size. They can be educated about the fact that clit sizes vary.

And by the way, the only reason people DON’T commonly know that clit sizes vary is that most women who were born with big clits unfortunately had some surgeon who cut most of it off when they were babies. The docs feared exactly the situation you’re in—having to deal with the social awkwardness of a size that doesn’t meet typical expectations. Believe me, you are fortunate to still have yours—I’ll bet it works. The surgery often leaves people with diminished sexual sensation (you still have the urge, but you can’t get off), with scar tissue (try explaining THAT to a new lover), and with a permanent sense of shame. A study of adult women who had their clits reduced when they were adults found that they did not benefit in the ways they wanted; that is, the surgical reduction didn’t reduce their fears and concerns. It just left them with all the “side effects” of surgery.

Finally, beware fetishists. These are guys who are into your clit, but not into you. You want a guy who is into all of you.

How to find a sex therapist: http://www.aasect.org/
How to find a pediatric and adolescent gynecologist (much more likely to understand these variations than the average gynecologist): http://www.naspag.org/

Alice

76 replies on “SL Letter of the Day: Is My Big Clit a Medical Problem?”

  1. Amazing advice. Sometimes I feel jaded since I’ve been there, done that, know it all. But when young adults reach out to you, I realize just how great your (and crew’s) advice is. Keep it up!

  2. Great advice. I would ask CLIT if her big one causes over-sensitivity or even pain if it presses up against clothing or while seated.

  6. Great advice. I have a fairly large clit (but I would guess that it’s still within the normal range and this girl sounds like she believes she out of that range). I didn’t really know it wasn’t typical until I started having sex with women, but I always figured it was, like Alice said, like boob size. There are variations.

    Every sex partner I’ve ever had has absolutely LOVED my clit (it’s like a bright pink neon sign when I’m aroused, it gives directions almost as well as I do), and so do I.

  7. Great advice. All I’d add is this. I’ve been with a few women with much larger than average clits and all of them had been much larger than average (obese) when they were younger. I don’t know if there’s a real correlation or if it’s just coincidence but could this be related? Also have no idea if this info is even helpful since these women were no longer obese and still had large clits anyway.

  8. She might be freaking about normal changes in her genitalia due to development. Guys have their dicks grow during adolescence, and the genitalia of girls get bigger during adolescence, too. I remember my lips getting bigger and thinking I was growing balls.

    She should enjoy her big clit. There are lots of people who like them. I’m sure it’s normal for her, and some doctor is likely to want to prescribe something or do something just because that’s how they make money off of people. If it’s not causing her physical pain, she should learn to enjoy it and be proud of it.

  12. I want to know how big it really is and what the shape is like. Like, small penis mini-wiener big? Or rounder, maybe hazelnut sized?

  13. Here’s hoping that you embrace your clit as a superpower, CLIT. Enjoy your unique beauty.

    You’ll come to learn that we all have issues with parts of our bodies and concerns about how we perform sexually, it’s both natural and human. You’ll learn that the journey is a beautiful thing, when you embrace yourself and your unique gifts.

    Take care and good luck, kiddo.

  16. Agree with everyone who said that that was some excellent advice. And, Alice spoke to the latter writer like a human being, not like “just a teenager”, which is really nice to see with topics like this.

  17. I hope she reads the slog post and comments.

    I -love- large clits. I think they’re incredibly sexy. My girlfriend’s clit is only slightly bigger than normal, but I love it quite a bit. I hope she finds a guy that is into her and into large clits, so he can worship both her and her amazing clit.

  19. My advice to her is:

    Don’t think that just because you’ve seen a lot of internet porn that you’ve seen the entire range of what’s normal. The people who provide the most content are extremely selective about what they think is marketable, and “normal” people are not always well represented.

    You should see a gyno, who will have seen the whole range in person, and ask them. If you’re fifteen now, your parents may have not wanted to deal with the idea of you being a sexual being in the past (which was when you were what, 14? 13?), but that’s going to get more difficult as you get older. Maybe you can visit planned parenthood on your own?

    Two other thoughts:

    Have you been taking steroids? I recently heard that the largest population of steroid abusers is now teenage girls, trying to get that ‘cut’ look. That can be bad news. An enlarged clit is one of many potentially unwanted side effects.

    Also, more than once I’ve wished that a partner had a larger clit, as that makes it a lot easier to do some extremely fun stuff with mouth and/or fingers.

    Good luck!

  20. Reminds me of the line from Clerks 2: “An abnormally large clit is just a step away from a very tiny penis.” Except that might make the letter writer feel bad, which is not my intention–that line just cracks me up.

    The only other advice I would have for this girl is to let her know that most guys she’d be ready to screw are going to have NO idea what is normal or “above average” for clit-size. Like Dan says about kinks, don’t treat it like you have a disease, treat it like a bonus. And it is! Guys (esp. young guys) have a hard enough time figuring out female genital anatomy–a big clit is a HUGE bonus (no pun intended). Guide them home, honey!

    (My 39 year old boyfriend, purveyor of hundreds if not thousands of hours of porn over his lifetime, and participant in a lifetime of serially monogamous relationships, could still not identify what a “normal” or “above average” clit size would be. He can find it easily enough, he just has no idea whether it “should be” bigger or smaller. I think some men prefer to be a little in the dark, y’know?)

  21. As the prospective parent of an eventually-teenage girl (ultrasound in a few weeks), I’d like to add that she should hold off on having [safe!] sex with a boy for a few years still. Get to know yourself, and learn how to find respectful, generous partners in making out, groping, and even oral before you go the rest of the way.

    It’s probably not a popular opinion around here, but I still think there is a proper age for your first penetrative sexual experience: 17. At least. 20 at the latest. Boys and girls alike.

  22. Aside from all unnecessary anxiety, THIS GIRL IS LUCKY AND I ENVY HER.

    Think of the possibilities we could have if all clits were larger. Why the hell are they so small anyway?

    THIS GIRL IS A GEM AND NEEDS TO USE HER POWER!!

  24. Amazing advice. If I’d had Alice around when I was a girl, I wouldn’t have had to spend so much time fucking around with _Our Bodies, Our Selves._
    By the way, CLIT– consider giving girls the ol’ college try. You will make them very, very happy.

  25. Amazing advice. If I’d had Alice around when I was a girl, I wouldn’t have had to spend so much time fucking around with _Our Bodies, Our Selves._
    By the way, CLIT– consider giving girls the ol’ college try. You will make them very, very happy.

  26. When I read the “canned ham” comment – always funny! – I had to double-check the quote to confirm that it was another person’s words and not Dan’s. Is this expression common in the parlance of sex advice – or was that just a tip of Alice’s hat to Dan?

  27. Bravo Alice! I’m going to print this out and hand it out to all the gyn students who rotate here. Wish I’d had this level of teaching way back when…

  28. I have high androgens due to an adrenal disorder. High T *does* equal higher sex drive. Totally. Went on meds that reduced, sex drive went down. stopped those meds, androgens rose and raised sex drive.

    also re obesity, hirstutism, other metabolic and cosmetic disorders: all of these *are* caused by disorders that feature high androgens, for example PCOS, Cushings (syndrome or disease, classic or non), congenital adrenal hyperplasia….these can also cause enlarged clit.

    I would view a higher sex drive and enlarged clit as an asset to be managed (just think of all the poor girls who don’t know how to come or don’t see the appeal of sex!).

    But LW is correct to want to get this checked out with a gyno or endocrinologist as the aforementioned disorders can have serious implications.

    a couple words of advice:
    1. doctors work for you; if your doc is not listening or is otherwise problematic you can and should fire them and keep looking for a doctor who will work with you to figure this out.
    2. *don’t take steroids* (or any meds) unless you are crystal clear as to why you are taking them, have a timetable of expected results and followup tests, and have access to a responsive doc who can change the dosage or take you off if you experience adverse side effects
    (i gained 60lb in 4-5 months! and i stupidly didnt question my absentminded doc. my T went down but my weight ballooned plus hair, cystic acne…was so not worth it. but i wanted to be cooperative! i didn’t realize that it is my body and i live here and no one else will care about it the way i do)

    good luck! hope your fears are allayed and it isnt too serious.

    ps docs hand out hormonal BC like candy, especially Yasmin for women with high androgens. it can help with pms but can also sap testosterone, lowering sex drive and also inhibiting muscle gain. not to mention the potential for major mood swings. it’s something to consider and monitor, not blithely accept.

  29. I went through all the things Alice described as an adolescent with my male endocrinologist’s team in Ohio. When I was a newborn, the doctors told my Mom that my clitoris should be removed, but she thankfully refused. As an adolescent, I was diagnosed with a battery of hormonal problems, given ridiculous amounts of medication, and peered at like a sideshow freak by med school interns (“have you ever seen anything like THAT before?” was a phrase I heard more times than I care to recall). Several male endocrinologists later didn’t solve anything, diagnosis & treatment-wise, and I was always a bit self-conscious because I always told how “abnormal” I was.

    Then, I moved to Boston for grad school and got a new endocrinologist–a female, and brilliant at that. It took forever to get my medical records, so we started with just my personal narrative of my history coupled with tests and physical exams. Shockingly, my doctor told me that not only was my physical anatomy well within the range of “normal,” that my history and all my test results would indicated that not only was I misdiagnosed and mistreated for like 12 years, but I was very healthy. She theorized that this was partly because male doctors are just not that good with female anatomy and female adolescent hormonal changes.

    I would suggest that, no matter what, this young lady find a crew of female doctors and get some second opinions. Mine has saved my life.

  30. Good advice, but I think a few words might have gone into helping her establish if she really does have a big clit. Sounds like a no brainer, but the girl is 15 and a 20 year old recently called into the podcast because she was not sure she had a clit. I know that clits are generally small so if it’s big then it’s probably bigger than average, but it would not hurt to make sure this girl knows what she is talking about.

  31. Fifteen isn’t that far from 18. If your clit doesn’t hurt, it may be safer to wait until you’re legally an adult in college. Until then, your family doctor might spill the beans to your parents, and your parents might force you into “treatment” because they fear female sexuality.

  32. Oy vey. So much desire to create uniformity in the genitals of newborns. What? Not circumcise your son? He’ll look different than other boys in the locker room! Your daughter has a big clit! We need to fix that now!

    And then, down the road, when they see a large clit, they’re all aghast, Never seen one like that! Yeah, I know. Because other docs have been going after them for too long.

    Leave conformity-peddling to the hairdressers, docs.

  33. Just how fucking big is this thing?

    As long as it isn’t a medical problem and doesn’t hurt, don’t worry about it. Don’t feel like a freak. I’m a guy, and I haven’t the slightest idea how big is “too big” for a clit. I’ve seen a few, but have no idea what the range of sizes of clits are. I would venture to guess that most other guys don’t know either. Especially other boys your own age. If it is a bit larger than is typical, that probably just makes it easier to find — bonus!!

    Unless it’s the size of a basketball or something. That would probably freak me out a bit. Um. It’s not THAT big, is it?

  34. Sir Mix A-Lot remix!

    I LIKE BIG CLITS AND I CANNOT LIE!
    YOU OTHER BROTHERS CAN’T DENY!
    THEY’RE JUST DAMN EASY TO FIND!

    Shout out to Vanessa Del Rio!

  35. Alice Dreger! My hero. Seriously. Dear girl with the big clit: You are in posession of a world of wonder. Consider yourself singled out to be blessed, unique, sexually well-endowed. I’m a lady, too, and goddamn if I didn’t wish I could have a clit as big as my big toe. God speed to you, take care of yourself, and be very careful about vetting medical professionals that should come your way. Most of them don’t know shit from apple butter.

  36. Treasure, my ass. Alice needs to calm the fuck down and stick to facts.

    What if this girl has “normal” anatomy, and is just freaked out because her parents are overbearing and weird? Now thanks to this woman (who has never even SEEN the poor girl), she’s questioning the doctors she has yet to see about the “problem”, and probably freaking out about having a hormone imbalance. Way to go, Alice.

  37. Also worth noting: Alice is in no way a medical professional. She’s got a PhD in History. She may be a fine advocate for people with big clits, but she’s not the girl to be diagnosing them, anonymously, over the internet.

  38. @37: It’s a PhD in History and Philosophy of Science, and her site bio says that she co-directed the Intersex Society of North America for seven years. So it does sound like she’s pretty qualified to give the advice she did…I didn’t see a diagnosis there. And she gave her full name, so she’s not giving anonymous advice either. Just saying.

  39. I have the opposite problem – I have no clit to speak of – at least not that I have been able to find in the ol’ hand mirror, or any of my partners has been able to identify from a distance of 2 centimeters away! I only realized it was missing fairly recently, but it explained why oral sex has always been a nothing experience for me.

    But this QA has made me wonder if I might have been one of those baby girls with a ‘too big’ clit that was removed?

    I’ll be having an awkward conversation with my mother soon, methinks.

  40. Treasure? Dreger? Really.

    Settle down. Dreger is often the sourse of ire for transgender advocates. Especially her alignment with ‘repairative therapists’ like Ken Zucker or a douche like Bailey… Who make a living at pathologizing transgender peeps.

  41. I think that the advice is sound if CLIT actually has a big clit. When i was 14, 15 i was convinced that my clit was HUGE. After i had sex with men, watched some porn and most importantly had sex with a few women i noticed that in fact the size difference was minimal and as an adult i have not had any one comment on the size of my clit. I would encourage CLIT to get her hands on some porn, if she is not interested in a sex with other girls.

  42. @21: That’s not an unreasonable opinion. I was a very fucked up teenage girl, and someone sticking his dick into me would have just added to the storm, so I waited until college. CLIT obviously has some insecurity about her large clit, so I think waiting to have sex until she is more comfortable with her body is probably for the best. This is not to say her clit is abnormal or undesirable, just that having good sex with a partner requires a certain degree of comfort in your own skin.

  45. 15 is not too early to start going to see a gynocologist under any circumstances, and you may be surprised to learn that you’re completely normal (size of genitals, sex drive, etc). There’s a large natural range for these things. Also, parents are often uncomfortable with their teenage daughters’ sexualities – just tell them you need to start having annual exams and get a doctor recommendation from your pediatrician. Your parents don’t really need to know specifics, unless you’re considering some major medical procedure.

    I’m no doctor, but if you’re getting your period, not in pain, have a sex drive but are hesitating to talk about it with your parents or to act on it with boys from your high school, you sound pretty normal.

  46. @38: Philosophy of science isn’t science, and it sure as hell isn’t medicine. It’s not as if by putting the word “science” in a job title you get to be a doctor.

    Also, I didn’t dispense any medical advice. Learn how to read.

  47. @43 and @44 Even if there were pics, the girl is 15, and Dan would risk doing time for posting naked pictures of a 15-year-old’s clitoris.

  48. CLIT –

    Hopefully you won’t need this advice, but just in case: do not, under any circumstances, agree to have your clitoris surgically reduced. I was born with an “overlarge” clitoris, and the doctors convinced my parents that surgery was the only way to prevent terrible damage to my psyche. (Because, you know, little girls go around scrutinizing each others’ genitals all the time. I obviously would have been a social outcast.) Now, twenty-some-odd years later, I’m a sexual cripple. I can only get off after a lengthy session with a very powerful vibrator — and even then, not always.

    If you think it’s no fun explaining to prospective partners that you have an unusually large clitoris, try explaining to prospective partners that the only way you can have an orgasm is with a massive “back massager” — that their hand/mouth/cock/cute little vibrating gizmo just isn’t going to do it. Believe me, it sucks and sucks hard.

  49. Other than checking for endocrine disorders (PCOS, CAH, etc.) and seeing a gynecologist or three to get a more informed perspective on what’s “normal” (which really just means “common”), I’d argue for staying away from anything involving knives. Hey, if you’re not ordinary, then you’re extraordinary. Experience more of life, significantly more, and then decide what’s right for you.

  50. @39: Some women have ‘inside’ or hidden clits: many of these ladies have superbly sensitive areas just inside though, on the front wall of the vaginal cavity – – aka very happy, easily identifiable/raised G spots. Means you might trade the potential for great oral for truly great hand jobs and fab penetration sex.

    Everybody’s different of course.

    @44 wine hurts when it comes out of your nose. Stop that funny crap right now. 😉

    @33 – largest I ever saw in person was the size of a baby carrot or a very small cocktail wiener when it was engorged. I thought it was impressive as hell, and told her so.

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