From Wikipedia, which never lies:
In 1983, while training for The Mr. America Bodybuilding Championship, he was in a near-fatal car accident in which he suffered numerous physical injuries. He suffered lacerations to his face and body and two herniated discs, a cracked vertebra, and a dislocated knee. He recovered enough to compete in the event and finished in fifth place. Shortly after, he suffered from an untreated case of spinal meningitis, and temporarily lost his eyesight. While visiting a friend during the time while he was recovering his vision, Little accidentally sat in a tub of acid and suffered second degree burns to his genitals and anus. Little has noted that he has been electrocuted several times, once while trying to install a television above his bathtub.
Oh hey there, Tony. What’s that? BLIND? Blind from sudden and tragic meningitis? Of course you can stay with me while you convalesce from your meningital blindness! What are old friends for, right?
Listen, Tony. Make yourself at home. Seriously, feel free to sit anywhere you want. Being blind takes a lot out of a guy, I’m sure. Get comfortable. Take those pants off.
TONY. OH MY GOD. OF ALL THE PLACES TO SIT, WHY DID YOU CHOOSE MY OPEN TUB OF ACID!? Look at your genitals and anus, Tony! Tony, what is WRONG with you!? Are you BLIND or something?
Oh, right. Earlier. With the meningitis. Sorry.
Worst. Caretaker for the blind. Ever.
Wikipedia is 100% reliable.
This explains so much. Only a truly vain man with a grudge could hawk crap on infomercials.
Behind his smile is the hate he has for the rest of humanity.
Remember kids, stay away from steroids.
God bless you, Lindy West. My tragic Saturday night is complete. As if that stroking/rowing bdsm fitness contraption wasn’t obscene enough, now I can fall asleep counting the spandex-clad, acid-burned anus-and-such leaping over it. I absolutely adore you.
Make sure your speakers are on:
http://tonylittle.ytmnd.com/
You’re welcome.
Every goddamn thing you write is hilarious. Seriously. Please post more, it totally picks up my day.
Vandalism. Already corrected.
Honestly…never laughed so hard.
i’d still let him have some.. but i’m a ho
Have you and Charles been in a wine drinking contest? You’re humor died about 15 posts ago.
And that PERM! Oh, the HUMANITY!
@6 It may have been reverted as vandalism, but the article referenced in the Wikipedia edit http://outside.away.com/outside/magazine… “There was the time I accidentally sat in a pool of acid at a pet-supply manufacturer and burnt my butt and balls; then I got kicked in the balls by a horse — those were both in ’85.”
He also says the National Enquirer article about him is mostly accurate. It wouldn’t surprise me if that has a wealth of amusing material.
100% pure Slogenfreude.
(All the well wishing for Hutcherson was a convincing pose; but it threw things out of kilter & required this post & comments, to restore our normal snarkilinicity counts).
Could you please enlighten us as to the chain of thoughts and or events that led you to Tony Little’s wikipedia page?
I mean What the fuck?
@ 13,
I’m going to guess the evening may have started with recreational pharmaceuticals…but that’s just a guess.
He’s so Goddamned obnoxious I’d be tempted to sit him down in a tub of acid myself.
“what’s that chemical smell? it smells like batteries. i need to sit down…”
“Installing this TV will be a cinch! And I’m going to run a hot bubble bath while I do it, so my wee footsies don’t get cold! Doo deee doo deee doo.”
Ha!
I fucking *hate* it when I sit in a tub of acid and burn my anus and balls.
I just want to know if that hat he wears has the fake ponytail attached to it. I Googled around but not finding anything. I wanted to buy one for a friend.
It’s impossible to be “electrocuted several times.”
Hey now, I just met Tony Little at a dinner and he was seriously just about the nicest person I’ve met in a long time. Although, at no point did the conversation turn to this…
Talk about a stingfest. I hate it when I do dat.
@14 On the contrary, I assume Lindy West to be spontaneous (& cool) enough to look Tony Little up. A lot of people do that without the drugs or booze because it’s a fun way to pass the time when you’re sitting around.
Is it possible to become so fit that one actually looks fat? That’s what Tony Little seems to have achieved.
I bet the acid was Nair. Dude was trying to go hairless on the sack and crack.