Usually, I’m a person who likes people. But right now I’m in a craptastic, people-despising mood because I just witnessed two videos featuring my newest archnemeses, STARFISH HITLER and ASSHOLE PLAYING HIS BEARD. Now, instead of being happy and enjoying life, I have to decide who I hate more: Starfish Hitler or Asshole Playing His Beard. Maybe you can help.
Here’s Starfish Hitler. He’s a starfish that explodes and turns into Starfish Hitler. I was never a big fan of starfish, and I really don’t like Hitler—so I can’t say I’m pleased that science has genetically married the two. At least he’s getting his Nazi echinoderm ass kicked.
Then there’s Asshole Playing His Beard. You know… I’m done thinking about this. I hate this guy infinitely more than any permutation of Hitler. Please don’t watch the entire video, just skip around, and let the rage build inside of you until the perfect fantasy of shoving this asshole’s head (beard and all) into a wood chipper emerges.
Yeah. Beard guy. Very, very bad. What’s most infuriating is not just that it’s so lame and pointless and irritating, but the production values suggest that someone is taking this guy seriously as an artist. Multiple cameras and professional lighting? For beard guy? He barely deserves a high-traffic street corner.
I’m vastly amused that my blog which originally included the Starfish Hitler video made it this far!
http://echinoblog.blogspot.com/2009/02/j…
“Asshole Playing His Beard” is Hermeto Pascoal, a Brazilian musician who a lot of people consider to be a genius. I guess there’s a fine line between “genius” and “crazy old man.”
my fuckin’ god I got over making that kind of ‘music’ when I was about, uh, 4.
for the love of god.
pox on all y’all making fun of hermeto pascoal
idiots..
well, stick to the fuckin’ accordian Pascoal
I second Riz.
You should hear “asshole playing beard” with a certain fellow “asshole banging on shit” conutnryman and his “assholette screaming like a banshee” wife. You might fucking learn something in the process.
Though I doubt it. Moron.
Uh-oh, seems Slog has angered the beard-playing community.
The second “part” in the beginning of Beard Man is a hoax. His beard is not making that noise as he strokes it violently with his fingernails – he’s blowing into the mic! As Andy Warhol said, “In the future, everyone won’t have their 15 minutes of fame. Everyone will sit next to Beard Man who took their 15 minutes of fame.”
@8 There’s no doubt Pascoal made some great things and worked with some great people, but he also made things like this. And I think this speaks for itself.
Hermeto’s the man. Many musicians claim to be experimental, but Hermeto is the real deal. John Zorn owes him a great deal.
Besides, I see no evidence of “assholism”in this video. Is he punching puppies or butting in line? I don’t like John Mayer, but I wouldn’t call him an asshole. A douchetard maybe, but not an asshole.
How about a Chinese or Korean martial artist kicking some Japanese mass murderer ass. The Japanese don’t need to look beyond their own past to find the archest arch enemies of mankind.
Both of these movies were absolutely terrible. The entertainment value of these comments far exceeded that of the actual videos. Musical genius? HA! So is my baby cousin who blows bubbles in her milk…
Hey, let’s take a giant of Brazilian music, find the least accessible thing he ever did in a lifetime of exploration, and call him an asshole!
Shan3, can your baby cousin do this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhHU9a8Z-…
Hermeto Pascoal is my new crazy man hero.
Nonsense, ahoy!
Now we know what Björk’s been unsuccessfully trying to do for the last decade.