- Hippie sham? Or ALZHEIMER’S DEATH PASTE!?
Okay, so, you know how the whole world won’t shut up about how this stuff that I rub on my armpits every day is a total murderer? And I’m slowly murdering myself to death in the name of vanity, when, instead, I could daintily brush a sprig of lavender (OR A MAGICKAL CRYSTAL) ‘gainst the offending region and be just as non-stinky*, with the added bonus of never, EVER being allegedly starved to death by my ne’er-do-well children because they’re tired of my Alzheimer’s-induced feces consumption?
I resisted for years (I LOVE CHEMICALS), but three days ago I made the switch to hippie deodorant. And you know what? Thanks for nothing, Sir Thomas, King of All Maine! The only difference between me without greasy baking soda loaf rubbed under my arm and me with greasy baking soda loaf rubbed under my arm is a certain HINT OF UNDERARM BAKING SODA GREASINESS. I smell a sham. Sham! (Also, an armpit!)
So even though science seems to say that antiperspirant is not a serial killer (and rapist!), how come everyone else in armpit-monitoring society says it is? Is it because people love screaming? What is a lady to do? What is the answer to this quandary!? I just want someone to tell me what I should rub on my armpit (and don’t say “come”—I know how you people work).
*Incidentally, my natural bouquet is something approaching Pillsbury Crescent Rolls (with a hint of rainbow!) and needs no chemical cover-up but, in fact, is currently the object of a heated bidding war between several Korean industrial air freshener corporations (I thank you kindly for the Pepperidge Farm Cornucopious Country Meat Basket™, Mr. Kim**, but all the summer sausage in the world won’t change my mind). But it’s the principle of the thing, you know.
**Incidentally, as founder and CEO of Kim & Sons’ Original Industrial Air Freshener and Summer Sausage Emporium, Mr. Kim does produce all the summer sausage in the world.
I bought some of that Tom’s stuff a couple of years ago. I used it once and had to jump back into the shower to clean it off. It’s disgusting. I used one of those crystal rocks a few years ago and it was actually pretty good. I’ve been meaning to get more to use on regular winter days when I just sit at my desk all day and read Slog when I’m supposed to be working.
After reading a post like this, it’s awfully hard to believe you don’t smoke pot.
@2: I know, right?
2: That is the miracle of Lindy. (One of them, at least.)
Au natural, baby. Let your stink flag fly!
I’m terrified of Alzheimer’s and it runs in my family which compounds my fear, so naturally I’m freaked out by aluminum + me. However, it’s a quality of life issue. I feel more comfortable when I use antiperspirant and I’m just banking on great strides being made on Alzheimer’s research so that by the time I get it there’s a way to cure it. I say eat, drink, and get some de-o for your B.O. for tomorrow we shall die.
FWIW, I’ve been using Tom’s of Maine for a few years now for the same reason and have found it to by effective and pleasing to my “offending region” both olfactorily and sensually.
Deodorant isn’t the problem, antiperspirant is the sketchy stuff. It actually plugs up your pores (you know, the ones your body uses to expel dead bacteria?) and keeps them from doing their thing.
That’s what people are freaked about. It’s a chemical that stops your body from performing naturally, and cleansing itself appropriately. Even if you shower every day and wash off the cancerous paste, the dangerous effects of antiperspirant are still present.
“As evidence for other causes continues to grow, a possible link with aluminium seems increasingly unlikely. “
– http://alzheimers.org.uk/factsheet/406
That being said, I stopped using anti-perspirant because it was staining the pits of my lighter-colored shirts – turning them yellow. As you found, Tom’s is DISGUSTING. However, I found some non-hippie shit that I love (smells great, non-sticky):
Adidas Cotton-tech deodorant (non-anti-perspirant)
http://www.americarx.com/Products/34225.…
I bought it at wallgreens for $3
tom’s calendula flavor works fine. you need to fucking chill – anxiety causes funk.
Aw, come on – have you tried cum? How do you know it doesn’t work?
I have always used the Tom’s liquid roll-on type. Maybe you should try that instead of the stick. HOWEVER! My friend insists that it’s bad because it contains propylene glycol. There is always something to be afeared of.
I concur with #8 and #9. I used antiperspirant for years until I heard that the aluminum tends to clog the sweat pores. Since switching back to normal deodorant, I sweat less under the pits and I don’t get stains anymore. Can’t comment on hippie stuff.
I just found this fancy looking “organic” stick whose label claimed no aluminum, no alcohol (propylene glycol). I don’t really care, I just needed something that doesn’t itch and doesn’t stain and doesn’t smell. So far it’s great. And I don’t remember the name, which makes this comment super helpful.
of course it doesn’t work – its from maine after all. thats why if you let it anywhere near your dick it’ll make it wilt and soften.
Best post of the century, Lindy. And the hot pit photo didn’t hurt.
Also @11, HAHA.
What @8 said about antiperspirant vs. deodorant. I’ve never used antiperspirant anyways, because I only sweat under the most extreme of conditions. Yes, I am practically perfect in every way and have no need for your Alzheimer’s sticks.
Chrissakes, people.
Deodorant works by preventing the growth of bacteria that emits odor as it ferments sweat. Deodorants with antiperspirant also have an agent that reduces/prevents sweat by plugging the sweat glands and causing them to contract slightly.
Most antiperspirants contain aluminum, which is a neurotoxin. Higher-than-usual quantities of aluminum have been found in Alzheimer’s patients. No link has been shown between putting aluminum on your armpits and finding it in your brain. There are many other ways to come into contact with or ingest aluminum in the course of a lifetime.
Armpits are not a primary source of “eliminating toxins from the body.” Plugging an armpit gland is not equivalent to poisoning yourself. If you are concerned about toxin elimination, stop doing things that impair LIVER function, like drinking heavily and taking Tylenol.
No? Me neither.
I recommend Secret Crystal Clear Gel in “clean powder” scent. Mmmm mmm good!
My aversion to antiperspirant was twofold: Alzheimer’s runs in my family and recently claimed my grandmother, I thought it wouldn’t hurt to eliminate one possible factor; and I too noticed that my shirts were getting disgustingly yellow and cakey. (I thought it was me being a gross human)
I switched to Tom’s of Maine and if I can stress one thing, it’s that it took time to really work. I tried some rose hip Nature’s Gate at one point and I swear to god, it MADE me stink. I also tried Tom’s of Maine for sensitive skin and it was a bust as well. I was better off not using it. So I went back to regular Tom’s, alternating between apricot and lavender, both “long-lasting, with hops”.
It did take a while, but now I take for granted the way I DON’T smell bad at all, even after sweating. My shirts NEVER stain under the arms and don’t have a build-up of whatever the antiperspirants were leaving behind.
So, keep at it. You don’t have to be a smelly hippie. You also don’t have to smell like Old Spice (tried it). You can be a nice neutral-smelling person (with an unoffensive touch of lavender, if you like).
Tom’s of Maine, long-lasting formula. I’m not in the habit of hyping products but seriously, I’m so happy I switched.
Just as you wear different clothes for different occasions, I use different pit juice for different occasions.
On cool or low-activity days, I use the hippie crystal stuff, which actually works just fine a lot of the time.
On really hot sweaty or high-activity days, I’ll use the poison aluminum-based, Alzheimer’s-inducing, chemical antiperspirant. God only knows what its doing to me, but if I work up a serious sweat, I can’t even stand my own funk.
Hopefully switching back and forth on occasion mitigates some of the potential damage the chemical stuff does.
Lindy, swab your pits down with some Jason Natural deodorant. Bartells carries it, and unlike the magickal crystal it actually works. I sweat as if it were my profession, seriously, not even that Certain-Dri stuff works on me. But Jason (in apricot scent!) keeps my pits dry and I no longer smell like a bear. Huzzah!
Most deodorant is a waste of time, provided you shower each day.
Unless you go dancing in high heat environments, in which case, definitely worth it.
toms is great. and i’m a sweaty guy active meat eating guy in my 30s. and it works. dont think the product is the problem.
Lindy-what the hell are you eating you stinky cow?
and ps-its fucking obvious why standard antiperspirants are totally harmful. like disolving and ingesting styrofoam.
I buy the Thai liquid crystal stuff (as opposed to the rock one is supposed to rub on one’s pits) which is aluminum free. Then I add a few drops of tea tree essential oil to it. That deodorizes my fug, and, unless I’m working out, it acts as an antiperspirant as well. (Sir Thomas doesn’t work for me either.)
also-i love how comment number one is all anti natural deodorant and cites rubbing fucking rocks on his pits.
WTF?
I love sweat-gland clogging antiperspirant but had to stop using it one day when my body suddenly decided we were going to be allergic now and my pits turned bright red every time I put the stuff on. After a period of grieving and trying out various and sundry deodorants, hippie-natural and otherwise, I ended up with the hippie-crystal in roll-on form kind because it works, doesn’t smell like perfume (hate that), and doesn’t cake up in my axillary hair thus making my pits unappetizing to potential armpit admirers.
FWIW, that bit upthread about bacteria growth is true so if you’re having persistent funk problems, shaving your pits and thereby depriving said funk-critters lots of surface area to cling to is helpful for men and women alike. Although I hear it feels kind of weird and slimy at first.
I’m some sort of mutant because, although I don’t sweat much at all, antiperspirant stopped working for me while I was in college. After trying multiple alternatives (including that fucking crystal), I settled on Tom’s. It has to be reapplied throughout the day, especially on days I sweat the least, which seems counterintuitive, but it works better than the poisonous crap on me.
Bliss soaps in Capitol Hill also make deodorants and antiperspirants you can try. They work pretty well and the owner makes all of them himself so you can find out exactly what the ingredients are. Plus they smell nice!
The only downsides are it doesn’t come in a stick (it comes in a little tub) and you have to be careful when putting on a shirt because it can smear onto the front.
armpits stink, hippie-dippie solutions seldom work, and unless you’re a freak of nature who doesn’t stink, or you scrub your pits three times a day, for the name of all that is unholy wear some freaking deodorant.
@26, that’s what I do — shave ’em. Works great. When the hair is long, nothing gets the rank smell out, but I smell like precious daisies when I’m trimmed. I use a little deodorant too, but never anti-perspirant, which is stupid stuff.
I like old spice. I’ve been wearing it since I quit antiperspirant in high school. But i like the way it smells. Lindy, that is one sexy armpit. I don’t know if it is yours but i want to lick it. If you washed all the crap out of it first.
“Deodorant isn’t the problem, antiperspirant is the sketchy stuff. It actually plugs up your pores (you know, the ones your body uses to expel dead bacteria?) and keeps them from doing their thing.
That’s what people are freaked about. It’s a chemical that stops your body from performing naturally, and cleansing itself appropriately. Even if you shower every day and wash off the cancerous paste, the dangerous effects of antiperspirant are still present.”
Deodorants don’t do anything for me. Antiperspirants are great and hardly “dangerous”. I worry as much as anyone else about cancer, but they aren’t carcinogenic, and there’s nothing that I’m doing to my body by not having my sweat glands in constant operation. Degree till I die (but not of sweat gland cancer).
I used to swear by those little alcohol wipes, back before I realized that Meggers @18 is absolutely right and I was doing myself a lot more harm drinking than putting a half-gram of antiperspirant on my pits. If you really don’t like using antiperspirants, swab yourself with an alcohol wipe. It takes the bacteria a LONG time to recover from that assault, so they keep you pretty much stench-free for hours. Alcohol kills everything.
Burt’s Bees makes a good herbal (non-aerosol) spray-on deodorant. Roll-ons are sticky-icky.
Kiss My Face active enzyme scented, aluminum and paraben free deodorant, sold at Bartells. I’m a girl, I sweat and used to use Secret or Dove. Alcohol wipes work in tandem. I still use the anti-p if going out dancing or something, but the other stuff works fine for normal day use.
“I just want someone to tell me what I should rub on my armpit”
PIE?
roll-ons are painful if you’ve got hair.
the goopy mitchum is my favorite; as long as you let it dry and dont put too much on it’s the best.
Lindy! Try Weleda–it’s a spray, and it works pretty well, and doesn’t give me a rash like Tom’s. You can get it at PCC. Bonus: If you try the lemon scent, you get to smell like a lemondrop all day.
I’m actually looking for more alternatives that DON’T come in throwaway overpackaged containers.
I found that Lush sells a baking-soda and lemongrass based thing that actually works pretty well as deodorant, and I kind of like the (pretty strong) lemongrass scent. It’s a bit powdery and the bar itself is bound only by a layer of wax on the bottom, so it wouldn’t survive long in a wet environment (laying on your soaked bathroom counter or something).
I like that the Lush stuff is 0 packaging.
I have never needed deodorant. I just wash my pits well, twice. It seems to be sufficient. And even if I did, I would not use chemicals. I’d use baby powder. I really believe that breast cancer is caused by deodorants. There might not be evidence, per se, but it seems to be common for a reason and that seems as good as any.
By the way the magic crystal has aluminum in it. If deoderants contribute to Alzheimer’s, then it does too. I used it for quite a while and it worked great. Except it caused a rash that wouldn’t heal (only in one pit!) until i quit using it…
I use speedstick musk deoderant (no antiperspirant), and both my previous girlfriend and current wife told me they were quite fond of my scent.
Can’t switch now, or I won’t smell like me anymore.
@2 Based on sentence structure — crack, I think. Maybe meth.
@6 – there is no connection with aluminum – that is a statistical anomaly and is actually just an indicator for one’s varied diet and level of in-home care. Don’t fear aluminum.
@39, the thing is, Lush products destroy your sense of smell. Just walking across the street from one of their shops brings a powerful chemical tang to my tongue. Yuck. It’s hilarious when people are opposed to “chemicals” but are more than happy to slather this kind of crap all over their bodies. Mineral salts are chemicals, and so are all fragrances, “natural” or otherwise.
As @41 points out, “aluminum free” deodorant crystals have potassium alum or ammonium alum in them, which is…aluminum.
Try the Lush solid deodorants. They worked for me even when I went clambering all over Angkorian ruins in the heat and humidity of a Cambodian summer.
Oh, and Tom’s of Maine “Crystal Confidence” roll-on deodorant has potassium alum, i.e., aluminum, in it (some of their other deodorant products do not).
Needless to say, there is absolutely no hint of a causal connection between aluminum and Alzheimer’s. Believing otherwise puts you in a class with astrologers, Scientologists, and anti-vaccination kooks. Will in Seattle is right for once.
@ 21 thanks, I am going to try that. Usually Tom’s and the rock crystal does not work well for me but apricot smelling Jason deo sounds good.
I do three things: 1. keep my pits shaved (no place for the bacteria to congregate!). 2. work out in the morning before heading to work (sweat like mad and then all the smelly stuff leaves your body!). 3. use Tom’s long-lasting whatever it is (takes care of any residual odor). It took about two weeks of using Tom’s (or any of the other hippie products) before it actually started to work, and I think it’s because it took my body that long to expel whatever evil chemicals my mainstream deodorant had gotten into it. Now it’s just fine.
I have never used anti-persperant, shit is nasty, it should be a sign that it is difficult to even wash off in the shower. I tried the magick crystal, didn’t do shit for me. I used to use Tom’s, and I swear it just stopped working. Old Spice extra-endurance original scent works for me. I don’t usually sweat, though. Except when I sleep.
i have tried lush, toms, and every natural brand on the market. adidas cotton tech is the only one that doesn’t leave me looking (pitted out) and smelling disgusting. it does take a couple weeks to get re-adapted to it all but hands down adidas.
“So even though science seems to say that antiperspirant is not a serial killer (and rapist!), how come everyone else in armpit-monitoring society says it is?”
You could ask the same thing about global warming.
Antiperspirant raped and murdered a girl in 1990!
D’oh, I’m an idiot, that was the joke of the original reference. Now looking for two-minutes-back time machine.
Adidas cotton tech really works! Now if they’d only offer it in unscented…