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As the website explains:

The Cuchini is a comfortable, light-weight material that adheres to any undergarment (panties, bikini, sports attire, etc). It smoothes the ridges of a woman’s mons pubis area providing a smooth and camouflaged appearance. This eliminates what is commonly known as “Camel Toe.”

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They even provide an historical context for the product:

As we have evolved, hair down there is a thing of the past. As the landing strip and Brazilian wax have become prominent in today’s world, there is no bush for the cush. And though Camel Toe may be a hot topic… it’s not to the gal sporting it!

As for the question posed by my subject line: I have no idea. I’m too busy being deeply upset by that sexy-lady-camel-in-a-bikini mascot.

Thank you, WoW Report.

David Schmader—former weed columnist and Stranger associate editor—is the author of the solo plays Straight and Letter to Axl, which he’s performed in Seattle and across the US. His latest...

43 replies on “The Cuchini: Helpful Fashion Accessory or Burka for Your Vagina?”

  1. “As we have evolved, hair down there is a thing of the past.”

    Um, if that were true – that ‘lack of hair down there’ has an evolutionary cause, then there wouldn’t be a need for the procedures mentioned in the next sentence:

    “As the landing strip and Brazilian wax have become prominent in today’s world, there is no bush for the cush.”

    Just sayin’.

    Thanks David, for today’s disturbing visual.

    Hoff being indecent with the two puppies wasn’t as bad as the lipsticked camel (with or without bikini).

  5. I don’t know a single man who has a big thing against fuzzy on a sexy woman

    all marketing, silly marketing. another way to guilt trip women that somehow, you must spend money, and, you will not be so un wanted

    shit – $$$

    shit shit – $$$$$$

    and written by the fag expert on pussy, sorry, david, but stick to your stick and his stick, you are such a non expert on lady crotch

  7. This post isn’t about “pussy.” It’s about marketing. Am I allowed to write about that, please, ma’am?

  9. David, you left out the slogan from the website:

    “Our lips are sealed”

    Their blogspot has one comment to the one post asking if it’s reusable/washable, which would concern me if I had the least bit of interest in using this…another solution to a non-existant problem.

    And Anna @5, David is asking our opinion, not telling us to do anything…calm down.

  10. Aren’t there better camel-toe avoidance techniques? Like wearing shirts actually long enough to cover your constricted, legging-enclosed vag?

  11. How about avoiding camel toe by actually wearing pants that fit, as opposed to buying some stupid contraption?

  16. “My god. They’ve invented the reverse codpiece. “

    It isn’t new. Back in the day they used to have the actors who played roles like Superman or Batman or anything that had them wearing tights put on something…I tried to google the name of the device and couldn’t find it…that smoothed over the male genital area in a similar fashion. There was a name for that thing and I can’t recall it now. It’s really obvious on some of them, like the first Columbia Batman serial.

  17. @13, I like the IDEA of cameltoe, but in the real world (as opposed to cameltoe.com), the specimens on offer are usually, how can I put this, in need of some dietary and grooming advice.

  20. Dave, dear? It’s a burqa for one’s VULVA (or Volvo). Not that you need to be an expert or anything…

    My vote: NOT helpful. Just an evolution of the fleecing of insecure womanhood.

  26. They should make one for ass toe as well. This sunny weather is putting some weird looking asses into stretch pants impossibly small for the task of fitting at all properly.

  29. I assume all the people on this thread complaining about the use of the word “evolution” never talk about the “evolution of our thinking” or “the evolution of the environmentalists agenda” or “the evolution ofhte welfare state”. But, ya’know, a lot of other people do.

    And if that thing is a burqa, then what are shorts and a T-shirt? A fortress?

  32. Fnarf @17, nothing on that site (the first page, anyway) was an actual cameltoe. Since when is any vulva in a g-string a cameltoe? It is by definition ugly, not sexy. And “backtoe” as a slang term fails on every level.

    I know you know this. But still.

  33. Good Christ, do NOT go to the wikipedia site for “vulva” unprepared!! Bleaghh! It’s time to bring back pubic hair already!

  34. I love that when I googled “vulva”, to get the wikipedia page that so shocked Irena, the only google ad on the results page was for a local clinic performing “vulva augmentation” — Plump Up Your Labia” it suggests. How popular is this procedure, really? I know if I had one, I’d really be keen to jab needles into to it and pump it full of, uh, I don’t want to know what.

  35. This is why carcass eaters must change their ways, first it was pigs, cows and birds and now they want to get rid of the innocent toes of poor camels with this regressive device. There is a better way to hide yer lady bits….

  39. Charles? where’s Charles when you need him?

    Because great visuals deserve great sound, there is a song about camel toe named (of course) Cameltoe (one word) by the band Fannypack from 2003.

  41. Clever in a way, since someone who is insecure enough to go through the torture of a wax job would likely be insecure enough to buy this. But I have to wonder if it would work any better than “tummy control” accessories that roll up and bulge out in the wrong places.

  42. Fnarf @34: It did not “shock” me, it grossed me out! I’m hardly the prude you think I am. I just think that thing would look better with hair on it, that’s all.

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