Oakland is a town known for many things: Urban decay. Hangin’ with Mr. Cooper. Being the sister city of Ulan Bator, Mongolia. Add to this illustrious list “morbidly obese dudes who single-handedly fight off entire Southeast Asian gangs.”
On September 21, Seattle police were dispatched to the corner of 7th Avenue S and S Findlay Street to investigate an alleged assault. The filed police report states that upon arrival at the scene, the victim was already being treated by EMTs for a “probable broken right hand.” The victim wanted to make clear that he called 911 “to get his hand looked at, and did not intend to report the assault stating that he had handled things.”
According to the police report, the victim said he had gone boozing at the Nine Pound Hammer with a friend and “[became] very intoxicated.” After leaving the bar, he noticed a black Acura circling him. The occupants of the car allegedly began to heckle him; “What are you doing here, cracker” and “Get the fuck out, white boy” stuck in his memory. The victim claimed no prior association with this vehicle or its occupants.
The report states that the car then drove off and subsequently returned, at which point it disgorged its occupants: four “Vietnamese or Cambodian gang members wearing black hoodies.” The victim claimed the suspects were shouting at him, leading him to identify himself as half Hawaiian. Perhaps due to a deep hatred of Queen Liliuokalani, the half Hawaiian defense did not pacify the suspects. In fact, the victim testified that one of them soon pulled a shotgun on him.
The victim stated that he “overpowered the suspect with the gun” and then took care of the other three suspects as they jumped in on the fight. Note to suspects: haven’t you watched enough kung fu movies to know that you must engage your target one at a time for the best visual effect?
The victim remained “unfazed.” According to him, he “was handling [the four suspects] just fine, and they quickly left the area.” So why call 911? The report tells us “he thought his hand was broken most likely from punching one of the suspects.”
The victim’s background ties the report up with a flourish. The report describes him as “approximately 6-1 and 400 pounds” and has him “referencing more than one time that he had grown up in Oakland, and could take care of himself.”
You’re doing it wrong, gang dudes. You do not attempt assaults on man-mountains walking alone in Georgetown after last call. Low-hanging fruit that is not.
Read it here days ago …
http://www.seattlecrime.com/2010/09/24/t…
Big guys, unfortunately, can attract people lookin’ for a fight. I’m glad he dispatched the worthless turds.
If he broke his hand from punching somebody, then he most likely doesn’t know how to punch.
at first you think it happened in Oakland, and then you read “Seattle Police” & “9 lb. Hammer” and you think what? and then you get to the big reveal. it’s like The Crying Game.
I’ve always wanted to go to Ulan Bator.
I dated a man-mountain once. When attackers pounced he flicked them away like dandruff from a lapel. Sigh. Too bad he was also self-absorbed, even compared to me.
@3 Wrong. You’ve obviously never been in a real fight.
@2 When I was a kid I was bigger than all of my friends. So when we fought, I inevitably had to fight off 3 or four kids while my friends went mano y mano. Not fun. I really still hate the neighborhood I grew up in.
@3
I would argue that any punches that fend off attackers are punches punched correctly, even if they are technically incorrect.
I like dating man mountains. The first, and tallest, intimidated a few people. Nobody picked a fight with him.
The second, also very tall, did not intimidate anybody. I had to actually fight people when dating him. All man-mountains should know how to fight.
This is not to diminish the heroic stature deeds of the man-mountain.
But when I used to work security at Element and we had allot of problems with the cambodian/laotion (sp?) gangs. And from experience, I can say that with out a shotgun or machete (true story) they are all a bunch little bitches who cant handle their booze, and certainly wouldn’t attempt to fight anyone unless they had their wolf pack behind them.
Then again, that speaks for most gang members.
Always pleased to hear about a bunch of pin-dicked racists getting pwned.
@7: & I stand utterly refuted.
@8: Your hands aren’t fire and forget missiles, they aren’t bee stingers, you want to keep them in proper functioning order so they can be used again immediately should the need arise (like say when you’re fighting off a whole gang of people.) And sure, I’ll take a broken hand and winning over losing, but winning the fight w/o a broken hand is still the preferable (& realistic if you know what you’re doing) option.
@3/13: You read the part where he was shitfaced drunk, right?
@13 Your an idiot. I mean really, you clearly have no idea what you are talking about, yet you keep yapping away.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boxer%27s_f…
Realistic if you know what your doing? If you punch something hard over and over there is a distinct possibility your are going to hurt your hand.
This is exactly the reason professional boxers wrap their hands with bandages under their gloves.
http://www.helium.com/items/258649-why-b…
Now go away. You fucking nitwit.
I am here to say “Good job, Intern.” Sure this was a golden find, but definitely good job. Give that kid a cookie!
Matt “Luby”? Are Stranger interns taking stage names now?
Heads are really hard. Made of bone even. Hands are made of bone too, but little ones. I’m sure there’s some Master of the Open Palm Four-on-One Combat Senseis out there, but the rest of us tend to get hurt.
I have a friend or two, huge, but not looking for trouble, who always seem to get zero’d in on by the drunk-lookin’-for-a-fight-type little dudes. You can’t keep some people away from a bad decision.
@14: Skimmed it and slipped my mind, so yeah you got me there. Muscle-memory can do a lot, but with that level of drunkenness, the guy hardly deserves me harping on him, thanks for pointing that out and my bad.
@15: Assuming you deign to read this Rotten666, the first link doesn’t work, but the second mentions the common pinkie area fracture I’ve been taught to avoid… which is an accident waiting to happen for people that don’t know not to connect with that part of their fist.
Now, I totally agree that you’ll probably hurt your hand if you punch something hard over and over, but we’re talking about self defense & street fighting here, not boxing. The point is to end the fight as quickly as possible, not to see how many rounds you can go. If the fight is lasting long enough for your hands to get hurt, then you have other problems.
Oh, and it should be “You’re an idiot.” Hugz and kisses.
@16 Awww…
@17 I like this guy.
Drunks at the Nine Pound can fight that the word in the GT.
“If the fight is lasting long enough for your hands to get hurt, then you have other problems.”
Ha! Wow. Spoken like a person who has never thrown a punch for realz. Or at least never connected. Seriously, now your (YOU’RE!!!!) just embarrassing yourself. You watch way too many movies, kid. Just admit it, man. You never been in a fight, and you have absolutely no clue what you are talking about. Cause if you have you wouldn’t be spewing such nonsense. I promise I won’t judge you.
@19 You know what your argument reminds me of? That scene in the 40 year old virgin where Steve Carrel says a breast feels like a sandbag.
You’re that guy. Doesn’t that make you feel sad inside?
P.S. feel free to correct my grammar, since it obviously makes you feel better about yourself.
OMG, I’m sorry, I promised myself I wouldn’t but I just can’t help myself…..
“the second mentions the common pinkie area fracture I’ve been taught to avoid… which is an accident waiting to happen for people that don’t know not to connect with that part of their fist.”
You mean the professional boxers? Who wrap their hands to protect this exact spot? Ali? Tyson? Marciano? You’re saying that you are privy to some information on how to magically protect this spot, information that they did not know?
Ugh…I would normally let shit go, but you my friend, you are a special kind of stupid.
No more internet for me, time for a relaxing book. Goodnight!
@16, @17 and @ Unpaid intern
This was posted days earlier on Jonah’s blog.
If you’re giving credit you should at least read his version which predates this post.
Once again the Stranger is piggy backing off hard-working jouranlists/bloggers and trying to take credit for it.
If you really wanted to give Jonah credit, you would’ve linked to his post: Badass Beats Down “Gang Members” In Geor….
I like Jonah’s work. I also like the intern’s work.
@25, 26: All police reports are available online for anyone to read and report on. We comb through them just like Jonah and a dozen other blogs, and we write them up, just like Jonah and a dozen other blogs. I like Jonah’s work but there is no reporting to credit here–no piggy-backing–because there was no reporting lifted from Jonah’s blog.
Don’t ever mess with Hawaians or Samoans…..seriously. Even little ones.
@27,
Cienna,
Next time breaking news happens, like a grandmother shooting and killing half her family, we’ll see how hard the Stranger’s “news team” gets to work.
Fair?
@28 Seconded. That’s one of those things that, if you need to actually say it, it probably won’t matter. But, hell yeah.
Even with expert tape jobs, professional punchers still break bones in their hands with alarming frequency. It’s part of being in the “hurt business”.
DON’T TELL THE COPS WHERE YOU’VE BEEN DRINKING. AND HAYSTACK CALHOUN, BE SAFE.