Why do we even have debates?
I’m not saying the debates are entirely pointless. I’d be open to an argument that they serve some sort of function. It’s just that after watching a ton of them, reading recaps, liveblogging a few and refuting a bunch, I’m just not sure what that function is.
The only people who watch — particularly at this point, weeks before any primaries — already know who they’re voting for. None of the candidates is going to announce any new promises, and even if they did, they wouldn’t stick to them. Viewers might get a better feel for the candidates’ personalities, but what are they going to do with that information? Sigh gratefully, “ah, at last, this confirms my long standing suspicion that Chris Christie sure does have the New Jersey touch”?
I mean, I understand that the networks like debates because they draw ratings, which means CNN can take a nice swim in cash from advertisers the next morning. I understand that the parties like them because they’re like pep talks for investors, seducing more cash into the pockets of the campaigns. I just don’t know what voters get out of them.
It’s as if the debates only exist to enrich the fortunes of a handful of people who are already obscenely wealthy, and — ohhhhh, THAT’S why we have them.
Here are the most important things that happened last night — things that will absolutely, definitely, positively never affect your life:
• Ben Carson pronounced “Reince Pribus” as “Reince Pubis.”
• Rick Santorum said we should send Central American immigrant children back to what amounts to a war zone.
• Mike Huckabee, who has never served in the military, said that we should make young people die in his party’s endless pointless wars instead of helping them get an education, which is kind of just the premise of Starship Troopers.
• Donald Trump announcing he wouldn’t run as an independent. I mean he was never going to make it into the general election anyway, so, sure, fine, whatever. This is as important as Donald Trump announcing he won’t be reclining on a divan and eating grapes fed to him by a woman in a toga.
• Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz recited talking points about how much we should be spying on American citizens, and to what extent we should reject immigrants. <a href=”
http://www.politico.com/story/2015/12/republican-debate-biggest-moments-216809″>Surprise, they have slightly different viewpoints, and each one accused the other of being disastrously wrong! Nothing new.
• Lindsey Graham said he had a question for Ted Cruz (who was at the other debate), and then just quoted The Princess Bride. He never actually asked a question.
Meanwhile, the night before the debate, <a href=”
http://wonkette.com/596992/trumps-las-vegas-rally-sounded-a-lot-better-in-the-original-german”>a Donald Trump rally nearly turned into an all-out riot. There were at least half a dozen fights, and when protestors disrupted the speech, Trump supporters yelled “shoot him” and “light the motherfucker on fire” and “sieg heil” — really, someone actually yelled a Nazi salute, and although I want to assume it was a protestor, who even knows?
“This is what we should have been doing to the other side for the last seven years,” Trump hollered while his supporters cheered for the roughing-up of protestors.
So gee whiz, these debates are fun and all, but are they maybe distracting us from something more important? Something that’s happening not on stage, but in the audience?
