In a move that will likely put a number of local pot dealers out of business, Hearst has apparently ordered the few remaining P-I reporters to undergo drug testing.

Staff members at the P-I have apparently all been required to take—and pass—a pee test in order to keep their jobs, and they could be subject to random testing in the future.

According to an e-mail from Hearst spokesman Paul Luthringer:

Drug testing is not a new policy within Hearst Newspapers and is among the best practice policies for many industries across the country for many reasons.

Drug testing may not be a new thing for Hearst, but it’s definitely something that’s new to the P-I. The P-I’s former sports staff were clearly a bunch of potheads and former P-I reporter Mike Lewis also made reference to the P-I’s pothead staff in his recent piece about the paper’s glory days:

They drank and detonated, married and remarried, and remarried. They smoked pot on the roof, ushered women into the newsroom and, much later, cigarettes and booze out.

Hearst’s new drug test policy is likely a cost-saving measure as some insurance companies give breaks to companies who test their employees. Still, while Hearst may be looking to save cash everywhere it can, asking journalists to not use drugs is like asking a priest to keep his hands off little boys.

Jonah Spangenthal-Lee: Proving you wrong since 1983.

31 replies on “The P-I Pee Test”

  1. A poor analogy. It’s more like asking a priest to keep his hands off the communion wine.

    You see, unlike this, asking priests to refrain from pedorasty would be reasonable.

  2. “asking journalists to not use drugs is like asking a priest to keep his hands off little boys”

    Go back to posting photos of boobies, Jonah. That spoke highly (pun accidental) for you, compared to this piece.

  3. Drug testing is not only a waste of time, they would do better to actually report on how many elected officials have serious drinking problems.

    Anecdotally, it’s really really high.

    Alcohol or grass or whatever, it’s still a drug.

  4. so if the stranger starts drug testing… wouldn’t it be to insure your writers and staff ARE using drugs… i like it!

  5. Emmett Watson used to drink so many Martini’s he put himself into a head hanging stupor every day.Then he sobered up and never wrote anything new again.Just rehashed old stories he couldn’t remember writing the first time. My mom smoked pot with him a few times too.Sorry Emmett.RIP

  6. Considering William Randolph Hearst’s hit campaign on cannabis in the 30’s that ultimately led to the current ban, is this really a surprise?

  7. Had a job for a long time where I worked 21 days on,21 days off.24/7 when on.My supervisor was a pot head too and the company drug tested.My super would only enforce random tests on the last day or two we were on the job.Saved a lot of our jobs,including his own.I got tested 5 or 6 times in 7 years and beat them all.Smoked pot when I was off.Quit that job a few years ago and am now retired.Still smoke occasionally and have since 1965.Or was it 1964 or was it 1966?Ha ha ha.What memory? God!I’m hungry…Can’t find my keys…hahaha

  8. Dear PI,
    As you attorney I advise you to find a bag of clean urine and increase your drug intake several fold, stat. This is your only hope for survival, and to not do so would be, frankly, irresponsible.

  9. So, Hearst decides to enforce their drug-testing policy a week after PI reporters brag publicly about smoking pot at work? Color me not surprised.

  10. does anyone really want to work for a company that has such terrible management they can’t tell if their employees are on drugs without testing them?

  11. @12:

    That’s nothing. I was talking to an old acquaintance a couple of days ago, and she mentioned something about “lids” – that’s a term I don’t think I’ve heard come up in conversation in at least 25 years.

  12. @3 – hey Mr. “Real News,” they have “beats” on SLOG. Jonah is covering his beat that overlaps with Dom’s in this instance – drugs/crime. The coverage of the PI’s demise is ECB’s and Eli’s. Why complain about Jonah writing about the drug testing? I do agree with the rest of you – the analogy was a bad one…

  13. If online journalists weren’t allowed to work if they couldn’t pass a pee test then there wouldn’t be any online journalists. Trust me on this one, friends.

  14. @16 – you’re totally right. It’s a decent piece and deserves credit for that. It’s just that closing line that made me cringe – like finding a piece of crap at the bottom of the plate of an otherwise good meal.

    Oh yeah, and I just like it when Jonah posts pictures of boobies.

  15. So if (hypothetically) insurance companies wants the PI to drug test their employees, but PI management knows they’ve got some good reporters who are total potheads, seems there would be a market for a drug testing service that, you know, doesn’t really work very well.

  16. I’ll work for them.

    I have no quarrel with weed or its smokers, and fully support legalization. It just doesn’t agree with me, and I haven’t touched it in the past five years.

    Do I have the job?

  17. Oh Dan! Ohhhhhh Dan! I am so excited about your mayoral campaign. I’ve been combing the Slog archives for your best writings. I want the citizens of Seattle to know the real Dan Savage. Compassionate, thoughtful, empathetic, generous, OH Dan!!! I can hardly wait for the campaign to begin. I’ll be there for you Dan. I’ll be there for you every day promoting your past musings on matters large and small to the citizens of Seattle.

    Must I report my expenditures to your campaign if we don’t collude on the message?

  18. The real question to ask is, did the staff know about this before they waived their rights to severance pay?

    That’s a nice way to shaft somebody. First, get them to sign away their severance package to work on the new on-line edition. Then, after they sign, tell them to pee in a cup and fire them.

  19. I am totally okay with drug-testing certain kinds of workers: heavy machine loaders, truck drivers, pilots, firefighters. When peak performance is a life or death issue, drug use is unacceptable.

    Now, everybody else who is not a firefighter, pilot, etc.? I don’t care what you do in your down time and neither should anyone else. Just get your job done well and don’t do something that’ll make you a danger to yourself or others. And stay the hell away from meth.

  20. @27 Yep. Pre-employment drug tests for everyone from the mailroom to the newsroom. The only tests after that were if there was a work related injury.
    PS. If you can’t beat a drug test that you know is coming, you are a retard.

  21. Woodface… here goes everything…

    sing it like this ” ok…”

    let’s keep it up in the new old jargon…

    whisper tweet little somethings in our beer and ram it through the front of “The Globe, The Economist, The Daily Mirror ” and of course Joan of Arcs Rembrandt relatives….

    everywhere on the planet there should be feasting and loving and sporting and

    no- whimpers about BONO and U-2 working for the rest of their lives to support my Marijuana habit…

    which at the moment is being hi-jacked by the Hearst Corporation because they don’t want to undue 100 or so years of Land Management Regulations and banking connections to wealthy trusts who would rather tear down trees and build more parks out of poison land shields than rebuild danny-scam forest with very choice sativa and indica.

    Oh ya.. did I forget to distinguish between industrial hemp and the failed war on embedded news journalists?

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