Satellite.jpg

A Chinese-built Nigerian satellite turns out to be a piece of junk: “A multi-million dollar Nigerian satellite launched in May 2007 has been shut down to prevent it spinning out of control and damaging others in orbit.”

The breakdown:

[1.] …telecoms experts told the BBC it was a “white elephant in space.”

Trust Africa to launch a white elephant into space.

[2.] The satellite was limited because the type of frequency it used was disturbed by clouds in the atmosphere, and did not work properly in Nigeria’s rainy season or during the Harmattan, when clouds of dust blow down from the Sahara.

When will the Sahara stop giving black Africans problems?

[3.] “No technology can be a waste of money.”

Nigeria’s Information Minister is a technologist in the worst sense.

[4.] Local media initially reported that the satellite had “gone missing.” But on Wednesday Minister of State for Science and Technology Alhassan Zaku told journalists it had lost power and had to be “parked, like you would park a car”.

Where does the comedy end? The satellite is not broken, it’s parked!

[5.] NigComSat-1 was launched 18 months ago to much fanfare from the government…

NigComSat is to black Africans what Pigs in Space was to hogs.

Charles Mudede—who writes about film, books, music, and his life in Rhodesia, Zimbabwe, the USA, and the UK for The Stranger—was born near a steel plant in Kwe Kwe, Zimbabwe. He has no memory...

7 replies on “The Art of Parking a Satellite”

  2. Wait, it was a Chinese-built Nigerian satellite, not a Nigerian-built Chinese satellite. This is the second retarded comment I’ve made in the last two days, without reading the linked article. Either new comment system is making me stupid, or I need to go get some more coffee.

  5. This car reminds me of those people in Kent driving early nineties Japanese sub compacts, with the small spare perpetually on, weaving around both lanes, driving at 15 mph below the speed limit and always looking for a driveway or parking spot.

Comments are closed.