Let’s begin with the opening lines of Lawrence Vambe’s remarkable history of pre-colonial Zimbabwe, An Ill-Fated People.
Almost as soon as you began to be able to absorb facts and to recognize human and animal forms you saw dogs everywhere. There was an infinity of dogs, little, big, tame or vicious dogs whose physical condition largely depended on what they could sniff and scavenge out of the village garbage heap rather than on the generosity and animal-loving nature of their masters.
Now, let’s isolate (or bracket) and give thought to this line: “…the generosity and animal-loving nature of their masters.” What type of generosity is this? The generosity that we find in a dog owner has its cause in the curious human need for something that is needy. Humans have the need to be needed. The dog owner needs the dog’s neediness. And the dog is loyal because its needs are met by the owner; and the owner’s need for being needed is satisfied by the dog’s complete dependence. And the more the dog depends on the master, the more love it gets from the owner. This is why certain dog owners often compare the care of a dog to the raising of a child—a child has nothing but needs. And the only thing we can fully trust is a thing that gives us all of its needs.
A person whose worst fear is betrayal is the sort of person who owns a dog.
Once the relationship between the dog and its owner is established, there is a strange development. The dog owner allows the dog to take control of more and more of his/her life. But this reward of control is in the context of the exchange of needs—the need for being needed that is satisfied by the absolute neediness, the dog. (Cats are not needy.) So, when a dog owner says, “I do not walk my dog, the dog walks me,” this is the need for being needed in its state of freedom. Because the dog has surrendered all of its needs, it is permitted to dominate the need that needs its neediness.
The end result of this domination finds its expression in the dog owner picking up his/her dog’s shit. For many of us, picking up dog poop during walks in the park or the city street is the very reason why we do not own the creature. We have no access to the pleasure of being fully needed. (We prefer cats.) Indeed, the owner of the dog wants us to see him/her picking up the poop. The visibility of the lowly act adds to the first pleasure—being dominated by the need the feeds your neediness. Everyone knows it’s disgusting, and the dog owner knows that what they are doing disgusts others, but they are indifferent to our disgust because all they see in this picking up (a raw aufhebung), and what they want us to see, is an absolute love of the thing that needs it absolutely. Holding the poop in his/her hand, the dog owner is showing us the power of this love. We cannot love like them. The dog owner’s love is beyond us.
You underestimate a dog’s emotional life.
And anyone who has had a baby, much less a dog, will confirm for you that poop and love come hand in hand.
Literally.
You may also be under the mistaken belief that kitty litter is not disgusting and that its odor does not permeate clothes and hair, not to mention every rug and upholstered piece of furniture in a house…
you do not like dogs, so please do not pretend to understand what motivates people who do.
An interesting hypothesis…though you underestimate the neediness of the cat…unless your cats have magic anuses that crap potpourri and scent glands the give off hints of autumn breeze.
How many needs would a needy dog need to need, to be needed by a needy needer?
What.
As someone whose only pets are some fish and a Roomba vacuum, I heartily endorse Mr. Mudede’s intense loathing for dogs.
yeh, every cat i’ve ever known has been more disgusting than every dog i’ve ever had. nothing like the smell of a five-day-old box o’ shit in the bathroom– mmmmm!
This is retarded.
I Love Mudede!
My cat has many, many, many needs. The difference between cats and dogs is that cats are smart. Cats have figured out how to get maximum return on investment from a relationship with a human. There is no herding, no retrieving, no drug-sniffing, no blind-person-guiding for cats. If a cat does something, it catches vermin, which is good for it and happens to be good for people too. A cat doesn’t need to do tricks the way a dog does in order to get approval. If a cat poops in the box, refrains from shredding the furniture, and hops up in a lap for an occasional purr, it is beloved by the cat person. I find that rather admirable, really.
+1 to disgusting litter box shit/piss smell.
Also, can you just distill your thoughts down to: I Hate Dogs and leave it at that? I wonder how many people can actually bother to read through those long ass ponderous sentences of your.
Good day sir.
Cats aren’t NEEDY? I had a cat that had freakin’ SEPARATION ANXIETY, and every time I left the house it would cry for hours. Then take a crap in a blanket on the spare bed.
Spare me, Charles. I participate in Agility and Flyball with my dogs, and just plain enjoy their company. I clean up after them because it’s the polite thing to do (polite to OTHER PEOPLE) not because I want to show off my superiority because something needs me.
The dog owner is the epitome of what Nietzsche referred to as the individual possessed by the slave mentality. Unable to locate a fellow human to enslave his, his only option is to recruit a dog for this purpose. The cat companion by contrast understands the possession of free will, and recognizes that no one can “own” a cat. Whosoever tries, fails, just as the bailouts a la carte, symptomatic of late stage decadent capitalism, will inevitably fail. Dog owners/slaves wish to revert to the womb of the pre-capitalist, feudal universe and its divinely pre-ordained sense of order. To recapture this feeling he must promote the dog, who served under him in feudalism, to a superior position. The cat companion by contrast is the New Man, possessed of free will, ready for the post-capitalist egalitarian promised land that surely awaits us.
COMMENT DELETED: Threatening
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Again in the Mudedeian Prose (Stating (crazy ass?) opinion as fact back to back to back):
The reason Mudede is aggravating like a ulcer to the point one feels an ulcer more acutely than a ulcer of the “here and now” is because he asserts his imagined believes as more real than reality.
The reason Mudede hides under his piles of shit, dog, cat, his own, a baby’s excrement, is because he can find no other place to people are not willing to go. He could not hide behind something rational for he knows nothing of what he speaks of, he could not hide behind something personal, because he has no personal, only absolute. His only possible sanctuary was under something so vile as to be untouchable by most of humanity. He went there in hopes that you would be knocked out by the stench, afraid of the bacteria, and decide to just ignore his “bat-shit” (craziness) he has smeared on the walls of slog.
– got to admit, it’s fun to pretend you are Mudede. Rewarding and empowering. I convinced myself of my own bullshit without me even thinking about it.
Yeah that whole unconditional love thing can really throw a person. It’s okay that you don’t like dogs. They still like you.
I have always known with every fiber of my being that I couldn’t love someone who loves dogs in the way you describe.
There are some dog owners who get annoyed with their dog from time to time, wish the damn thing would jsut leave them alone and shut up, and don’t hesitate to get up and leave their dog for a few hours just to get the hell away from the thing.
I think the type of person you describe actually trains their dog to be needy- dogs are nothing if not trainable. These are codependant people. They sleep with their dog, they take their dog into the grocery store, the book store, the restaurant, EVERYWHERE. These people seek out relationships with large power inequalities- if they are religious, then they are their God’s dog and there God is made in their image, needy for need.
I like cats because having a cat is more like having a roommate. If you go out, they can deal; if you stay out, they might wonder where you are but they’re not going to freak. If you don’t come home until the next morning, they’re like “oh, THERE you are. I’m hungry.” None of the but-I-thought-you-loved-me drama that a dog gives you. (And if you clean the box every day, it doesn’t smell too terrible. Sort of like if you flush the toilet after taking a dump.)
An excellent distinction between the master’s responsibilities for their animal and the necessary outcome as a result of fulfilling their identity as “owner” within society. You draw the change in motivation from love for the animal to public acknowledgment of this love to a simple fear of not being needed.
“Indeed, the owner of the dog wants us to see him/her picking up the poop.”
Where did that idea get excreted from? I’d much rather my dog pooped somewhere out of sight that I could immediately bury it. I don’t think I’m alone in that. (However if I’m ever near your house, I’ll skip on that social nicety just so that you know there are non-coprophilic dog owners out there.)
I’m sure parents would be even more happy to have babies that could do this, since cleaning up after a baby is a much more messy operation.
You should forward this to Ellen DeGeneres or some other dog rescue group!
It would be hysterical.
So you’re into horse love but Dog love is out?
How about we drop the tired old dogs vs. cats conundrum already? It’s entirely possible to like both animals – you really don’t need to choose just one. I have three cats – very clean, very smart, very lovable – and I grew up with dogs, work with dogs, dogsit for friends on a regular basis. They’re both great, and they both provide different things for their owners.
Also, #8 – if a cat owner leaves a box of shit in the room for five days, that makes the owner disgusting – not the cat. Pet ownership comes with certain responsibilities. My cats’ litter box gets scooped at least twice daily, usually more, and scrubbed with bleach once a week. It doesn’t smell, and I’d no more let it sit for five days than I’d let my own shit sit in the toilet for five days.
Also…..jeez, this Charles Mudede character really is an awful writer, no? What’s his position at the Stranger, anyway??
@15: That is only funny when I do it. And then, generally, no one else thinks it is funny. Fair enough.
So, it’s not funny. Knock it off.
what @18 said needs to be repeated:
“I think the type of person you describe actually trains their dog to be needy- dogs are nothing if not trainable. These are codependant people. They sleep with their dog, they take their dog into the grocery store, the book store, the restaurant, EVERYWHERE. These people seek out relationships with large power inequalities- if they are religious, then they are their God’s dog and there God is made in their image, needy for need.”
Indeed, the Christian God is nothing but a dog owner.
Taking care of a cat is like raising a teenager. They’re still dependent on you, but when they don’t need anything from you at the moment, you can just fuck off.
Life in your head has got to be intolerable. Fucking intolerable.
But if you MUST overthink this, here’s the last stop before incoherence:
The love of a human is very complicated. The needs of a human are very complicated. The love of a dog is simple. Its needs are simple. And they are inherently joyful creatures. Most of them stubbornly cling to happiness. Unlike most people, who stubbornly cling to misery. So it’s pretty easy to enjoy having them around, if you can get the fuck over your own perpetual existential crises long enough to appreciate a simple sort of joy.
You know what else I love about dogs? They don’t overanalyze shit. The Stranger should hire some dogs.
I look at that photo…. and I thought ‘I bet that dog just licked her ass or ate some of her own poo before giving her wuvable owner a biiiig ol kissie!”.
Now, let us isolate, (or bracket) and give thought to this line:
“A child has nothing but needs”.
This, from a person who allegedly has children, is even more baffling, clueless, and scary than the opinions about dogs.
A child, like for instance, the early Charles Mudede, has MUCH more than needs- and I pity the kids whose father doesnt realize this.
can some of us just get off the hook for our dislike of cats being rooted in a deep allergy? and then add I have never owned a dog who constantly peed on all of my clothing and furniture.
this is why The Stranger should exclude themselves from the breed ban debate. we get it, you don’t like dogs and think people who do are morons. great. stick to writing about mass transit and leave this arguement to people who are actually willing to be responsible for the animals in question.
I need another beer.
Wow – That’s two posts in a row that have convinced me that you’re a sociopath. If you can’t relate to the immense pleasure that dogs provide, you are to be as pitied as that hideous, emotionally-crippled creature clogging up the White House at the moment.
Your life has to be ROUGH, in world populated by dogs (owned by emotionally complete humans) all around you. They have therapy for emotionally retarded folks, but you seem to be beyond that.
@32: It’s true — people who don’t like dogs are sociopaths. How could anybody not love my lil’ schmoopsy fwoopsy poopsy wu? Who’s a good boy? WHO’S A GOOD BOY?!? Do you have a kiss for dadsy? Do you? Give Dadsy a kiss-kiss! Now let’s go to the park so I can let you run around off-leash!
The reason Mudede doesn’t like dogs is because he hates everything that isn’t urban. Dogs have no place in a city, and no place in his gated heart.
My dog would walk me to the beach and sniff around the shore while I went swimming. Don’t care what you think about it.
@32,
That emotionally crippled occupant of the White House has two dogs he reportedly adores.
What violet @27 said. Also, my dog is an endless source of laughter in our house. He is constantly doing something funny. Chasing his tail, getting pissed when we won’t let him on the bed, being afraid of a bug, etc. You know all those youtube clips of funny dogs? There’s a reason for that. Dogs are entertaining to have around…
I like to think of this in a cost/reward trade-off kind of way. Dogs requires a bigger investment in time/resources than cats, but there is a bigger payoff (I say this as someone who’s owned 4 cats, and whose parents currently have the smartest Maine Coon cat in existence). Kids require the most investment, for (presumably) the most payoff.
“Indeed, the Christian God is nothing but a dog owner.”
Wow, as a non believer and a dog owner…this is a serious litter box full of smelly cat shit. Time to change the litter Charlie.
Again, try to simplify your thoughts: You Don’t Like Dogs.
Period.
The End.
@35 In comments threads, Bush is the new Hitler.
Hitler had a dog, you know!!!!
CHARLES SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=669rlqvXG…
Memo to all pet owners: I’m very happy that your pets give you pleasure and solace, but I don’t give a shit about your pets—especially your dogs. They really are annoying as hell and they always try to attack me when I go running. STFU about them. Forever.
I once had to housesit for a friend of mine and part of my responsibilities were to care for an especially needy cat. Mind you, to this day I consider that beast to be the exception that proves the rule: cats don’t give a good god damn so long as you bring in food now and again and, should the need arise, provide a lap and a good scritching.
If not liking dogs makes me a sociopath, who’ll be my Squeaky Fromme?
Sigh.
No, Charles, you are wrong, yet again. (Is anyone paying attention to the damage caused by studying too much philosophy? Mr. Mudede is a text-book case [pun intended].) Dog owners in the city pick up dog poop because they are In The City! This is what socially-conscious urban canine-owning humans do. They also do it because it is The Law to pick up your dog’s poop in The City. That is why it is done, not so that everyone can see them doing it, not to display how basely they are “owned” by their dogs.
I can assure you that (horrors) rural dog owners do not pick up their dog’s poop. There goes your theory, shot down by a meagre handful of easily discernable facts.
Maybe you might wanna stick to these “facts” for a while there, big fella… Hhmmm? Maybe?
I love all animals. Especially with ketchup.
(OK. To you oversensitive types, that was a joke I love dogs and cats and have been pining for my old dog, who dies 35 years ago this week. His name was Taco and he was a black long-haired chihuahua. I miss him.)
Why is everyone at “The Stranger” always hatin’ on dogs. I am an animal lover to the nth degree (before someone feels the need to analyze me, yes I have psychological issues routed in a paralyzing fear of abandonment) and I don’t expect everyone to love animals as much as I do, but I am amazed at the level of hatred on the part of Stranger folks for dogs. Is that a Seattle thing or just a self-important hipster thing?
Interesting thesis Charles. Unfortunately you overlook people like me that don’t want some creature’s toilet stinking up their living quarters. Furthermore dogs “get it”. If I tell my dog “no” he understands enough to at least look guilty when he gets in trouble, that is because he has a cerebral cortex.
Cats take every bit as much work but have fewer pay offs. Do cat owners have a slave fetish? Do you enjoy being dominated by a creature that could care less for you unless it happens to be hungry? One that will watch impartially as an intruder enters your house and begins hacking at you?
I’m happy to pick up poop OUTSIDE of my house and take my dog for walks, those are the only two additional requirements of dog ownership over cats. The pay off of having a creature follow me around the house inquisitively when I vacuum, kick his dog dish and toss it in the air when he is hungry, and entertain me and my friends with his antics is well worth the trouble. There is also the benefit that dogs are less prone to parasites than cats so they are more appropriate for households with children.
I still can’t get over the film of the dog who drags another dog off the freeway, dodging cars the whole time. One dog needed the help of another dog. And this morning the news that a robber invaded a house with a gun and the home owners dog attacked, suffering several shots while chasing away the perp. We have co-evolved with these beasts!
Charles – there’s a fine line between clever and stupid.
wait – no, the line isn’t fine at all. But you’re still on the wrong side.
Have fun cleaning up your litter box.
Oh, and #47 – backed. I commented about that item on this twit’s anti-dog post yesterday.
i pick up my dog’s shit cause it’s bad for the watershed if i don’t. you fucking idiot.
DO NOT FEED THE TROLL