…and I lost. Again. Early yesterday morning a Slog tipper sent me a link to a new Christian organization that’s pretty much anti-everything. The Passion 4 Christ Movement is proudly anti-gay (naturally), anti-fornicators (straight ones too!), anti-players (they tend to fornicate a lot), anti-divas (who do you think players be fornicating with?)—P4CM is even proudly anti-masturbators. And they’re selling the t-shirts to prove it:
Yeah we said it….Nobody talks about it, but most people have done it or are still doing it. It’s seems to be a rite of passage for both girls and guys into the world of sex. Some say masturbation is not a sin, some say that it is. But is it really okay in the eyes of God?
Careful—I think that might be a trick question. I mean, they already made the t-shirts, right? In addition to the “EX-Masturbator” t-shirt—and I just gotta have one—P4CM is selling a whole line of “EX” t-shirts, including “EX-Rebel,” EX-Hustler,” “EX-Hustler,” and my personal favorite “EX-Atheist.” I’m going to order one t-shirt for every day of the week.
Anyway, someone sent me the link yesterday and I thought, cool, but I’ll post that tomorrow because I’m on an airplane and the doors are closing. But by the time I got up today P4CM’s t-shirts were everywhere—Gawker, Towleroad, Dlisted, etc. And now here they are on Slog. There’s no need to point out in comments that you’ve already seen these t-shirts on other blogs. I know. The Internet is a race and you won and I lost. Darn it!
EX-alter boy?
I want one of those shirts, but I don’t want to give them money. Hello, B-Bam!
Can I get an Ex-Abstainer?
I SWEAR I’ll stop! But…not…just…now…
Seriously?! We fags can’t even MASTURBATE? Christ!
On the back of the shirt should be printed: “Liar”.
When is someone going to make these shirts with fake cum stains on them?
Ex-Dipshit, for when they leave P4CM.
I want EX-murderer.
I don’t see anything wrong with ex-masturbation as long as both you and your ex are emotionally healthy.
Man, we get it, fundies. Sex is dirty and evil and will make you like a used car or a licked Snickers. Got it. Do you have anything else to say that is potentially more relevant to the world we live in today? Perhaps about social justice, or helping those in need? No?
Ex-Ascetic? Ex-Willfully-Ignorant? Ex-Un-Educated?
@10 ha!
@10 wins!
Also, did you see the “Ex-Slave”? What does that even mean?!
10 wins! LOL! (My officemate is giving me a strange look now.)
You are always so facetious about the Internet race, although you are a marathon runner in it. It’s really passe and trite.
Kinda funny that these tee-shirts are ‘American Apparel’ a company known for it’s sexless ads.
My friend and I used to needle each other with “You cocksucker!”, to which the response was always “Hey, I quit last week!”
Now I realize we missed a great money-making idea about, uh, thirty years ago…
Castrate yourself for Jesus. Let us open our Bibles”
Matthew 19:12
12For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”
“Ex-testicled” t-shirts anyone?
if you read one of the personal testimonies, it is actually a little heart-breaking.
http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fusea…
in fact, this girl will have even more pressure on her if she “falls” again, that she might go closet via the Ted Haggard approach.
it is very tough and i have great sympathy for these people. i know it’s easy to laugh at them, and they really do bring it upon themselves. i’m just at a loss as to what the appropriate response should be. mocking them just pushes them more toward their “support” group. sorry to be a bummer.
Can I get this in thong form?
When I saw the picture before reading I assumed it was a couple bragging about how they have sex together now that they’re a couple, and don’t masturbate anymore. Probably wasn’t the impressionthey were going for.
I’m so down with “Ex-Virgin.”
@7, I expect a lot of those shirts will be taking the real thing, right up the middle.
And they’re SMILING about it?
The lifestyle these people are promoting is unhealthy and unnatural. If human beings were intended to be celibate and “masturbation free” until marriage, then we would not reach sexual maturity until much later in life than we do now.
Sex is a part of life. And it isn’t just for procreation. Since these people are probably creationists on top of everything else, then let’s just tell them that God “designed” it that way!
Sexual repression leads to sexual fixation. The psychological harm that these people are promoting is absurd.
@17 Where did you see American Apparel?
@20: Jeez… that is a downer. She honestly thinks she’s a freak of nature cuz she enjoyed doing a very natural thing. I really feel bad for these folks, although the shirts are hilarious. I want one.
Ex-masturbator, future Viagra customer. Use it or lose it.
@2
Best t-shirt yet: “Future ex-masturbator.”
Some of us read Slog before Towleroad, so you win. This time.
Can I get an Ex-Fundie shirt? How about Ex-Republican?
The Ex-Masturbator shirts should have a subtext:
“Future Nocturnal Emissionary”.
More like “Future Prostate Cancer Victim” – regular sex and/or masturbation seems to lessen the risk of prostate cancer considerably. And at least half the women I know who’ve had breast cancer, it was their partners who first noticed a lump.
Remember: when a woman masturbates, she’s engaged in empowering self-discovery, but when a man masturbates, he’s a pathetic loser who can’t get laid.
The best part is if you look at the shirts they are selling they have mens and womens sizes for all the shirts… except for the “ex-homosexual”shirts which apparently only comes in one size because fairies wear chick shirts…
I want them all!!!
I want the “Ex-Rebel” shirt, but it should be white with black print and a barcode on it.
I see why it’s sinful for a dude to masturbate — every sperm being sacred and all — but we chicks orgasm without killing potential life, so I don’t see the problem here.
FAIL
Religious assholery knows no bounds.
@36 the bible says lust is a sin, and from there it’s not to difficult to suppose masturbation either involves lust, encourages lust, or is the result of lust.
but, “sex friendly” fundamentalist churches will usually give masturbation the okay as long as there is no lusting involved! this website even acknowledges that there is some dispute regarding that issue. and it’s one of the reasons they proclaim they are sex friendly.
Once and Future Fucker
@26 “Printed on high quality American Apparel brand shirts. American Apparel garments have a slimmer cut. You may want to order a size up if you want a more looser fit. “
On their site, if you try to buy one (ex-atheist, etc.)
It brings to mind ex-smokers and the numerous attempts required to kick their habits.
It could be useful. It could be worn with pride by anyone who’s not actively engaged in self-gratification, certainly, but it could also let people know where I am at in my abstinence struggle.
For example, I could hang my shirt off the doorknob outside the bathroom while I have my relapse. By the time I have I come out and put my shirt back on I’ll be an ex-masturbator again.
“Hey Mom, don’t go in there. Johnny’s struggling again.”
but what if I masturbate about jesus? is that still wrong??
How long before Urban Outfitters carries these shirts? I want one.
Is it asking if it is OK to masturbate in God’s eyes?
for every time you don’t masturbate i’m throwing three orgies.
The only reason people feel guilty about masturbating is because people like these sorts say that it’s wrong.
Now, can we get a towel with “Ex-masturbator” on it?
@45 whoa, that takes some serious range!
Okay, seriously, anyone have a sharpie or something to just add a ‘S’ in front of the ‘EX’??? lol Brings on a whole new meaning!!! 🙂
I would totally buy one of those shirts and wear them, but only if others wear them, too.
Would some of you braver souls get the ball rolling so that meek people like myself can have fun with irony?
(The irony? I actually practice masturbation on a regular basis. Like, duh!)