Malaysia’s state-run news agency is urging its readers to avoid homosexual sex and masturbation if they want to remain free of swine flu. An article published Sunday by Bernama, the Malaysian government news agency, singles out homosexual sex as an activity that can cause people to contract swine flu, while also emphasizing that “normal sexual union between members of the opposite sex was absolutely safe.”

32 replies on “This Just In”

  1. @3. Exactly. According to right-wing logic, before this announcement, thousands of Malaysian’s didn’t even know about homosexuality. They just turned some of their citizens gay!

  2. Malaysia: 86% religious (Gallup).

    Not a coincidence. When will we realize that our equality depends on putting ourselves ahead of religion? When will we move past this taboo about talking about faith?

  3. Don’t panic yet.

    According to the original article (http://ecohealingsystem.blogspot.com/200…), it looks like it’s still OK for fat dudes to have gay sex.

    Since obese people don’t drink enough water, they don’t pee enough (and bonus, it doesn’t burn when they do, like it does for people who masturbate with no lube), so there’s enough calcium in their lymph to keep their immune system strong enough to fight off viruses.

    See? It’s not so bad. God’s beautiful plan continues to unfold.

  4. Will the gays stop at nothing?!? First they’re trying to destroy all of our marriages, and now they’re dabbling in pandemics! Who will save us?

  5. I wonder if masturbation and gay sex can be used as a vaccine for H1N1. If anybody needs me, I will be in the other room performing a self administered innoculation.

  6. Don’t forget the guy in Gambia (the president? PM? You’d think I’d be paying more attention, seeing as my brother will probably be living there part time…) who claims that God gave him an herbal cure for AIDS, then told him not to release it for scientific study. Are the numbers of nutbars rising, or am I just paying more attention to them?

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