The best thing about this story is not the fact that a man brought a small pet alligator into a bar (BOOORING), but what happened to that alligator once it arrived on the scene:
HUNTINGTON BEACH, Calif. — Ever heard the one about the guy who walked into a bar with an alligator?
That’s the joke going around Orange County after a man tried to bring his 3-foot pet alligator into Johnny’s Saloon and was shunned.
Police and animal control officers were called to the bar early Saturday morning to retrieve the leashed alligator, said police Sgt. Dave Dierking.
When officers arrived, the animal was in the man’s vehicle in the bar’s parking lot. Officers then followed the man to his home where another alligator was found, animal control spokesman Ryan Drabek said.
Okay. The headline is:
Not “Leashed alligator impounded by animal control after entering SoCal bar.”
Not “Leashed alligator stomped to death after entering SoCal bar.”
Not “Leashed alligator regarded with general alarm after entering SoCal bar.”
Not “Leashed alligator consumes human toe after entering SoCal bar.”
But “Leashed alligator shunned after entering SoCal bar.”
Shunned. Shunned!
What
the
fuck
do
you
mean
by
SHUNNED?
Targets of shunning can include, but are not limited to apostates, whistleblowers, dissidents, people classified as “sinners” or “traitors” and other people who defy or who fail to comply with the standards established by the shunning group(s).
Apostates, whistleblowers, and small pet alligators. But why would an alligator give a shit? Alligators do not crave human attention. This is why alligators makes shitty pets, and this is why shunning is entirely the wrong punishment for alligator transgressions. Thank you.
(Via Slog tipper Matt Hickey.)
If we start shunning here we could get rid of the iguanas, parrots, ferrets, rats, purse dogs and children in coffee shops.
other people who defy or who fail to comply with the standards established by the shunning group(s)
Damn you Lindy i am in class, what are you trying to do, out me as a slacker. Its not appropriate to laugh out loud when the teacher is talking about Rwandan genocide.
A man and an alligator walk into a bar, and this is the best punch line you can come up with?
A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He put the alligator up on the bar.
He turned to the astonished patrons and said, ‘I’ll make you a deal. I’ll open this alligator’s mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the alligator will close his mouth for one minute. He will then open his mouth and I’ll remove my genitals unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.’
The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator’s open mouth. The alligator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The alligator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer.
‘I’ll pay anyone $100 who’s willing to give it a try.’
A hush fell over the crowd.
After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar and a woman timidly spoke up.
‘I’ll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with a beer bottle.’
Props to NapoleonXIV for sharing a “____ walks into a bar” joke I hadn’t heard yet! Bravo!
Was
this
the
first
ever
use
of
word
final
returns
in
a
Slog
post?
Is
so,
Lindy
deserves
a
prize,
IMHO.
I think skinning is appropriate.
Then you get alligator boots – and these boots were made for walking!
“All Work and no play make Jack a dull boy”-The Shunning.
Alligators the band, from Bremerton. http://www.myspace.com/alligatorpocketbook
I’ve been to Johnny’s in Huntington Beach before and I gotta say by the average clientele that a pet aligator would fit right alongside with the obsessive Rockabillys, burned-out heroin addict punks and scores of HB Nazis. fuck yeah, the patrons felt like the aligator was shunned.
Rainn Wilson has 2 pit bulls
Oona & Haprper Lee…Thankfully, No alligators.