According to US Weekly, the Bristol Palin-impregnating Levi Johnston is penniless and living with his mom—which is nothing but sad until you get to this sentence:

“Levi made more than $1 million and squandered it on guns, boats and four-wheelers,” the source says of Playgirl’s winter 2010 cover model, 22.

Poor sad Levi Johnston, living with his mom, whose side yard is choked with guns, boats, and four-wheelers.

David Schmader—former weed columnist and Stranger associate editor—is the author of the solo plays Straight and Letter to Axl, which he’s performed in Seattle and across the US. His latest...