Found minutes ago in my old-school snail-mail in-box:
Dear racist asshole,
I’m the one who found your lost cell phone on the street. My first instinct was to find out who it belonged to and return it, to do my good Samaritan deed. It wasn’t password protected, so I looked around on it to find some identifying information. That’s when I found all your election-day text messages between your and your other racist buddies. Here’s just a small sample of what you were passing around: “Did you hear that Hallmark has a new Obama presidential Christmas ornament? Now everyone can hang that nigger from a tree” and “The White House is now tearing out its rose garden and replacing it with a watermelon patch.” There were one worse that that.
Bless you, you white supremacist fuck! Two days after the election, I couldn’t have found a better celebratory gift! I texted everyone in your contacts with this message: “I admit it, my racism is a sham! The truth is I love black cock—in my mouth or up my ass, it doesn’t matter, it all makes me blow my load!”
I figure a racist like you is probably also homophobia, so I’m sure you have some explaining to do to your chums. Out of decency, I didn’t text your mom. Even she doesn’t deserve to know what a racist piece of shit her son is.
By the way, I also enjoyed the photos of your girlfriend, her tits, your car (with its license plate clearly legible, so you might want to park that in a safe place for awhile), your skull tattoos, and your drug paraphernalia. (Smoking pot is probably your only redeemable quality.)
You might want to password your next phone. I took a lot of pleasure in beating this one to death with a hammer. (Obama probably wouldn’t approve because he’s a decent, upstanding guy. Me, not so much.)
That is so awesome!
Bless you, anon.
Too friggin funny!
That may be the best I, Anonymous ever.
Brilliant
1) Smoking pot is a redeeming quality? Since when?
2) It’s a shame you smashed it with a hammer. Most phones have a factory reset that wipes everything out. Then you put that thing in a drawer and next time a friend of yours with the same server (or even you) lose your phone, you’ve got a spare! Think ahead!
Though I’m sure the smashy smashy was satisfying.
@6, I had a WTF moment when they lauded his pot smoking. If anything this is just another nail in the coffin. Like, of course this guy is a stoner, it all makes sense.
/applause
But it was when the guy texted his friend that 70% of AA’s voted for prop 8 that anon got REALLY offended.
you have made my day, david honey. thank you, darlin’.
I gotta say, this is pretty cathartic, if true. (It’s so good it almost smacks of urban legend) Either way, though, it brings me back to the glory days of “I, Anonymous”.
When it first started out, its stated goal was to provide a place for people to anonymously confess to embarrassing or mean or stupid things they’d done. It was exceedingly interesting and hopefully cathartic.
Over time, this morphed into a forum where people anonymously complain about people they hate and how awful they are. Not being first-person, I never found these quite as gratifying to read, though I’m sure there was no lack of juicy letters in this vein.
This particular one seems to nicely dovetail the old and the new formats in a way that makes me appreciate both.
That’s funny and all but who the hell has identifying information in their text messages? Kind of an asshole move.
Would have been better to turn in the cellphone to the cops, actually.
I hate you, Will in Seattle.
best I anon in months!
I LOVE!
Amazing!
LOL
@ 13 – why?