The Secular Coalition for America is hosting a lecture tonight—in a Bellevue church, no less—called, “How Secularism Will Take Over America.” I do not want to attend this event. You, probably, do not want to attend this event (unless you are a secular blowhard). But the event sounds intriguing the same way a quadriplegic kitten might be—you want to humor it and take a rock to its head, simultaneously.

So I called to find out exactly how the organizers plot on taking over America through secular means. According to the group’s executive director and tonight’s speaker Sean Faircloth, the action plan is “for people who believe in the original values of Jefferson and Madison to speak up, including the 30 million Americans of a non-theistic background.” When it comes to takeovers, there’s Bolsheviks storming the Winter Palace and then there’s secularists talking.

Spokesman Jim Lakin had nothing worth reporting to say on the issue and even admitted the event would probably be “preaching to the choir.” He did, however, offer these words of wisdom: “Christian conservatism turns people into Manchurian candidates for the corporate elite” and “It’s silly to say [the not-really-at Ground Zero mosque] is disrespectful of 9/11 families, it’s disrespectful for any house of worship to be there.” Well then!

I tend to think this event should be boycotted—talking only about Christian and Muslim extremism represents a clear case of prejudice. What about the gay, fetus-eating druids running the New World Order and building the NAFTA superhighway? They aren’t equally worthy of opprobrium? But if you want to spend an evening with quadriplegic kittens spouting secularist rhetoric, you know where to go. (East Shore Unitarian Church, North Room, 12700 South East 32nd St, Bellevue, 6 p.m., free)

47 replies on “Tonight! Atheists Descend Upon Bellevue Church for Pompous Lecture”

  3. i thought the stranger never let republicans darken its door.

    monotheisms are actual religions that are directly responsible for millenia of needless death, as opposed to your heelarious strawman. learn to leaven your snark.

  4. wow! now that the secularists have gotten into the Unitarian church there’ll be no stopping them!!
    so, I should bring my own rock?

  10. Oh geez, where to begin.

    So, you decided go through the trouble to tell us all about this event. Which you also think is dumb and should be boycotted. Why the fuck even mention it in the first place? You repeatedly downplay and ridicule the opinions of the people you interviewed based on your personal agenda. Yet you give absolutely zero justification for your obvious bias. Then to top it off you deride them for not getting distracted and going after all the stupid made-up cults that have nothing to do with anything.

    I’m sure you’re quite pleased with yourself for working in references to the russian revolution, quadriplegic kittens and gay fetus-eating druids of the NWO into a post about secularism. However, funny references do not good reporting make.

    Seriously, did you guys just hire some douchester that you drunkenly met at the cha cha?

  11. Someone in the comments suggested that you might be trying to be ironic, so I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and chalk this up to poor writing instead of pure idiocy.

  19. I’m not going to confirm this prediction by searching Facebook, but something tells me the latest Unpaid Intern is a Seattle University student.

  20. @17: My sentiments exactly.

    Unpaid intern, you’re a douche. The title of the lecture might be a bit heavy-handed, but that’s about all that’s worth noting here. Last time I checked, less than half of Americans believe in the theory of evolution, presidential candidates still line up to profess their faith in Jesus to Rick Warren, and churches still enjoy tax-exempt status from which the majority spew their homophobic, provincial, and often political filth. We could use a whole lot more secularism in this country, IMHO.

  21. @17 I can’t tell the difference. Both sides seem to pop their tents up at fairs and the like in order to inform the oh so credulous public that they need to be enlightened. I don’t care either way. Stop informing me that Christ is the Almighty, and stop informing me that God doesn’t exist. I do not care what atheists and their counterparts think. Can’t both sides stop with the uninvited sharing?

  22. @20 More in response, though.

    In the manner that the Catholic Church lost special privileges in France during the revolution, for the same logic, religious groups need to lose their tax exempt status in this nation–all the money that is hidden under that veil–contemptible.

  23. Dear Unpaid Intern:

    You are an idiot.

    Also, it’s a UNITARIAN CHURCH. That is much more informative than telling is it’s “a Bellevue church”, even with the Stranger’s institutional fear of non-Hill areas. And yes, if you know what a Unitarian church is and you’re trying to be ironic or snarky or something, you have failed.

  24. @12, I think it’s likely we’ve already had an atheist in the white house. Hell, Obama could be one. Clinton seems like a likely candidate. An open, admitted atheist, well, that’s a different situation entirely.

  26. @25, probably a lot of ’em in history, to be sure.

    And I still am puzzled by this “in a Bellevue church, no less” line…just ignorance? I was raised in the Unitarian Church by two mostly-atheist parents. A Unitarian church is the perfect place for something like this event, and often host such things.

  28. Yeah, when I read the post title, I knew it’d be East Shore– I was raised there, and attended with people who considered themselves atheists/pagan/etc. That’s the beauty of the UUs– in between the meetings to discuss committees and the careful higher power pronoun games, they’re generally willing to open up to anyone who’s not a complete dick.

    And the church has hosted atheist gatherings before, the listings just weren’t narrated by someone jerking off so frantically over Mudede’s archives.

  29. @21: not shoving religious views down peoples throats as a matter of public policy is exactly what this group is for. Might want to check out what the hell you’re actually opposed to.

  31. Very poorly-written, and it’s very obvious you’re trying really hard to be snarky and edgy, and you just come off as childish and immature.

  32. FB Background from the Secular Coalition of America: A little background: This fellow, Matt Luby, contacted our office and our boss to ask about Sean’s speech in Washington State last night. He implied to us that he was genuinely interested and that he would help us plug the event, using the phrases “hype it up” and “get people excited.” He out and out lied to us, and this is the piece he produced, a really nasty, childish, snarky, mean-spirited tract, and one that exposes more than a hint of anti-atheist bigotry on the author’s part. We encourage you to let Mr. Luby and his publication know how you might feel about this.

    I feel that Mry. Luby should be working somewhere else.

  33. So, Matt Luby contacted the Secular Coalition offering to promote this event and claiming positive interest, so that he could then shit this article out. Perhaps Matt cannot help being an asshole, but he can refrain from lying. Wanton dishonesty makes his puerile trash even less enjoyable to read. And any claims of irony sidestep the point of journalistic ethics. I’ve read more articulate comments on this thread than I have in the article.

  34. No such things as “fair and balanced” reporting anymore, huh? I guess that’s why your an “unpaid” intern. Maybe you’ll get a job as a shock jock, though… then you can preach to the choir.

  37. Clearly, Mr Luby need some remedial lessons in the first amendment, specifically the first part. Someone should also familiarize him with the libel laws. He should understand that secular citizens of the US have the same rights to free speech as he does but that we generally have better manners.

  38. The irony filter is broken at the Stranger. I cannot believe the editors allowed this uniformed, uneducated dreck to be published. And I agree, Unpaid Intern isn’t even aware enough to understand what a Unitarian church is about, and that it’s a lecture, just like the ones he listens to in his church droned on by pedophile priests and other bigoted idiots. What happened Dan Savage, were you too drunk to notice? and the fact that he lied to the Secular Coalition to get the information?

  39. @21 I fully support your uninvited comment protesting uninvited comments. Perhaps if you paused for a moment to actually listen to each side, you would find the message you are peddling from your tent is very much like the secularists. While theists actively push their wares on unsuspecting passersby, the secular/atheist/skeptics of the world respond with, “Your unsupported claims of woo are not convincing. Keep them to yourself until you can make better arguments.”

  40. What a typical childish and frightened reaction to what will prove to be an early event in the rational, inevitable and necessary secularization of American politics.

  44. I have a feeling this unpaid intern will remain unpaid in news for the rest of his life. No objectivity and a terrible sense of humour. Shame on this website for even posting it.

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