Fearless intern David Trujillo transcribed it so you can follow along:

Uh, yes, my name is Enra. I used to write for The Stranger magazine in 1999. This is very, very important what I’m going to tell you. Chief Seattle said, “If you don’t keep your promise to my people, there will be nowhere on earth where the white man is alone; when your children think they’re walking alone in the shop, they will not be alone.” We wiped out 60 million Native Americans. The Gulf Oil Spill is actually the Cortes Oil Spill—it hit on the 21st of April, which is the same date that Cortes landed in 1519, and it is also the Queen Elizabeth’s birthday, and the day after Hitler. And, the, um, if you reverse Cortes it is Tesco. Now, Tesco has gone into a church here, it has gone into the Isle of Man, everything small has closed down. All the pubs and small shops are closed. And so, it’s karma. Karma. Uh, uh, John Pilger said, on the 18th of July, 2001—and that is the same date that David Kelly was killed two years later, who said that there was no weapons in Iraq except the ones that we sold, that we sold them—um, he said, John Pilger said, that Ford motor industry and—a combination of Ford motor industry and the, um, corporate and military and political, um, joining together. This was on the 18th of July, and a threat to the rest of the earth, and they didn’t listen, they ignored nature. And it’s nature—it comes back to nature. And Chief Seattle’s words are ringing true. They, we, we, we banned, got the, the um, the Sun Dance and the Ghost Dance. We lifted the ban in 1978 on the 11th of August. We haven’t lifted the ban on the Ghost Dance. Well I’ll tell you something, as I speak for Britain, 60 million ghosts are here! Red man is taking over Britain! And thank god!

Two thoughts: (1) We used to have some awesome freelancers; and (2) after listening to this mp3 in iTunes, the thing that came up next was Seattle School’s first couple seconds of the Zombies’ “Time of the Season” on seemingly infinite repeat—the perfect mental cleanser. Let it clean your brains too:

Christopher Frizzelle was The Stranger's print editor, and first joined the staff in 2003. He was the editor-in-chief from 2007 to 2016, and edited the story by Eli Sanders that won a 2012 Pulitzer...

15 replies on “Voicemail We Got This Morning Concerning Chief Seattle, Children Shopping, the Gulf Oil Spill, Queen Elizabeth, a British Grocery Company, Hitler, Weapons of Mass Destruction, Karma, and More”

  7. Nowhere on wikipedia does it say Cortes “landed” in the “new world” on April 21. And if you actually reverse Crotes you get setorc.

    The explosion on the Deepwater Horizon Rig happened on the 20th of April.

    Sheesh! What paper hired this person? Oh, right 😉

  15. “What you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”

    -William Faulkner

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