GOD, DON’T YOU GUYS JUST WISH EXOTIC VETERINARIANS WOULD QUIT BRAGGIN’ FOR LIKE ONE FUCKING SECOND!?!?!!!?!? JESUS CHRIST, WE GET IT. YOU’RE BETTER THAN US. YOU DID MOUTH-TO-MOUTH ON A SNAKE. YOU GAVE A FLU SHOT TO AN ARMA-GODDAMN-DILLO. CONGRATULATIONS.
Via NPR, via Slog tipper Sarah.
*ALSO, I KNOW. I KNOOOOOOOW. BUT “TURTLE” ALWAYS SOUNDS FUNNIER THAN “TORTOISE.” GO AHEAD AND SUE ME IN SCIENCE COURT. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
UPDATE: New idea. Amputate ALL its legs and GLUE IT TO A ROOMBA!!! You’re welcome, medical science, housework science, and comedy science.
He appears to only be capable of moving in a clockwise circle, and with difficulty. Not much of a fix, I’d say.
Because if anything works well on sand, I’ve found, it’s a wheel.
snark if you will but it makes a difference for the animal and later, perhaps in a big way, for humans…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A39pVkbQA…
The Wheel is highly overrated.
@2, Thanks for that.
Oh, Lindy. A Roomba! You crack me up!
A little jet pack would have been cooler
@8 – Also, a different animal, like a cheetah. A three-legged cheetah with a jetpack, yeah.
we have a three-legged rabbit that probably wishes he had something like that. But he gets around okay for the most part.
You’re just jealous cause you’re too fat to rollerskate.
@9 — Could a 4-wheeled tortoise out-race your 3-legged hare? Downhill, anyway?
Q:What do you call a 3-legged rabbit?
A:Lunch.
@12 — You don’t eat a remarkable rabbit like that all in one sitting.
You are diabolically hilarious, Lindy West.
Oh Lindy. When you are nationally famous, will you still please live here among us? Someday we’re gonna lose you to the rest of the world. Sigh.
It’s a beautiful turtle. I wouldn’t want to eat it all at once either.
Nice start. How about a knobby tire for off-road, a ski for snow, a machine gun or flame thrower for self defense. You made my day, lovely Lindy!!
He can never rest. He can’t pull all his legs in and rest on his shell. He will always have to hold out his front right leg so he doesn’t wobble over on his side. Mudede should be going off about how this poor fucker CAN NEVER REST!
http://www.digitaljournal.com/article/30…
Vet gives mouth-to-beak.
Funniest thing I’ve read on Slog in a very long time. Bravo Lindy.
We need to take this turtle to baby GAP. stat!
Dammit, Lindy, I laughed, then felt guilty.
How can you heartless people live with yourselves? Can’t you see the tortoise is enjoying life again? A beautiful story and all you can do is snark away at it. “Ha ha. Clockwise. Ha ha. Roomba. Ha ha. Can’t eat it all in one sitting. Ha ha. Wrap it with duct-tape, feed it drugs and stick it in my ass. Wheee!”