I know a lot of people may still be wondering, what exactly *is* a bitch burger? And/or is a CRAPuccino a drink that was invented in Seattle? Well, I tried to get some answers for you. Also stay tuned for Part II, where I try to find out why God suddenly hates President Obama… and, in Part III, a real live Israeli Jew asks “The Hot One” what he really thinks of anal sex.
Kelly O—formerly a Stranger staff photographer, music writer, Drunk of the Week columnist, and more!—finished art school and a soul-crushing internship at a corporate advertising agency in Detroit,... More by Kelly O
http://www.maximryazansky.com/index.html…
Maybe they’re part of Improv Everywhere! Seriously, what do they hope to accomplish? Makes me wish for that bearded Mars Hill boy. Well, wait – we agree he’s a little sneaky, trying to befriend people when he has ulterior motives for saving them. Hmm, which is worse? Maybe both. But anyway, Phelps baffles me, and I know the fundies. But they just seem like fundies with shared psychosis. Weird.
The amount of energy it takes to produce a child is far more than the amount that would be gained by eating it. Not that I expect logic out of these people or anything…
She’d be more impressive if she actually knew what she was talking about. It isn’t the prophet Jeremiah, it’s Moses from the book of Deuteronomy ch. 28: 56-57, the punishment of Isreal for disobedience. You’d think she’d actually know her stuff.
#3 – Unless you allow said child to grow to a proper size. Of course, in order for the child to reach that size, you’d have to feed it. That would use up way more energy no matter how big the child is when it is consumed.
What you need to do is plan these things in advance. Have as many children as you can BEFORE Armageddon begins and you will have a great child harvest by the time Jesus descends in all his fiery wrath or whatever. Perhaps this is what the Duggars are doing?
Wouldn’t it be a whole lot simpler to just raise cows?
My dog started barking like mad the instant I pressed play on this video. Either he can sense pure evil, or those guys are really bad singers.
They’re a comedy troupe, right? Because this can’t be real.
The sooner everyone stops giving America’s Biggest Attention Whores their beloved media coverage, the sooner they can get on with the inevitable Jonestown-style endgame. It’s win-win, really.
you are playing into these assholes hands just as they wanted you to.
stop giving them coverage.
I’m really looking forward to part 3!!!!!
How many teeth is that guy missing?
I think Westboro Baptist has jumped the shark. This is just lame.
Are these people mentally ill?
this is so much better than that kate plus 8 show. i want more.
@14: Yes.
The amount of fun they’re having almost makes them seem normal until you are forced to understand what they’re trying to advertise. Yikes!
This is it? I’ve never seen video of these people. This really takes the viciousness out of them. They’re not a threat. They aren’t anything but below contempt, and below notice.
@17 thats what i was thinking- advertise what though? where’s the money? notice how all their signs are identically fonted & formatted? and Jael has some kind of sign-maker-advertising hoodie on, i think.
Is this a huge hoax by some ad agency? seems eerily plausible, doesn’t it?
@17 yeah, that’s what is so shocking to me. they are having so! much! fun! out there. yikes.
oh how unfortunate, i actually looked at the site that crazy orange hoodie lady has on her crazy orange hoodie, and it’s just more westboro bullshit. sigh.
If I didn’t know better, I would think that this had to be some kind of setup. That first girl couldn’t even keep a straight face. Sadly, I’ve seem them and thier antics in my neck of the woods, too, and I know that they are all too real.
Completely insane, but real.
I have to compliment them on their signage. Large, bright, easy to read, nice punch with the burger graphic. We could really use that kind of thing at our job.
Meh… The WBC was sorta funny the first few times I saw them, but they’re kinda boring and totally predictable now.
@13 is right. We need something new and different. Seriously. Something interesting.
I’m confused about why they’re so deliriously happy. If we’re all going to hell, and Jews are doomed, why do they feel the need to tell us? Are they gloating? Just let us go to hell, already.
I mean it would make more sense if they had some suggestions for saving ourselves, or if they even seemed to care about our salvation, but they appear to be hysterically happy about our damnation. Weird. Even the loony character of yore who told the townsfolk, “It’s the end of the WORLD, I tell ye!” — at least he was telling us this so that we had time to repent.
What is their goal?
@23, I know! Who do you think does their printing? What is is it like to work in a print shop that produces stuff like that? So many questions.
As already mentioned by Luke Baggins in another post, you can see a documentary about the family here. It includes footage of Jael, the girl talking about Bitch Burgers. It made my heart ache when she talked about no one being interested in marrying her and they way she was treated as a kid by others.
To answer some questions you might have about them: they make their own signs, the church is basically all one big family, the members give part of their wages from jobs to fund the church, they spend somewhere around $200,000 a year in plane tickets, and some of the family has escaped their church.
Thank you so much for filming and posting this video!
I can now confidently say that I take back what I said earlier about Jael looking kind of hot. She did in that one photo, but in the video she somehow keeps kind of making me picture her as a bald, middle-aged midwestern man. I mean, without all the repugnant bullshit she’s spouting off on, I think she could have a minor makeover and still be pretty hot, but…
Um, more importantly, I’m just really confused by these guys more than ever after seeing the video. They don’t come across as I’d imagined them.
Why are they doing all their songs so lightheartedly and kind of half-assed like they don’t really believe it themselves?
Seriously, Charles, if you’re reading this, could you please write at least a short post on how you interpret these guys?
There isn’t any question, obviously, about how repugnant, stupid, hateful, ridiculous, illogical, etc., etc. all their words & ideas are, but what are we to make of them coming all the way to Seattle to sing all this crap, knowing that they’re not going to convert anyone, and to do it in such a half-assed fashion? I can’t quite resolve it myself..
@25: Like most fundamentalists, these people are such losers in real life that the only thing that gives them hope is the sweet by and by beyond this world. After the final judgment their betters, they assume, will be tortured for eternity in a subterranean blast furnace while they will be off in an air conditioned pearly-gated community beyond the clouds playing a harp.
Whoever wrote the book of Jonah knew these people well since they existed back then too. Skip the part about the big fish and look at the rest of the story: Jonah tells the people of Nineveh “You’re going to Hell!!” The Ninevites repent and God spares them. Jonah is so disappointed that he goes off to sit under a tree and pout. I don’t think the Bible is so much about God but rather a commentary on human nature.
@30, you kind of helped answer some of my questions, too.
@28, the church is basically all one big family, …and some of the family has escaped their church.
Tell me more about the escapees. I’d kind of like to see a documentary on them.
One more thing regarding my post above:
I just checked the Wikipedia page on them and read, The group carries out daily picketing in Topeka (purportedly six per day with fifteen on Sunday).. So, I guess they must just be doing this boring shit on autopilot at this point.
i already feel bad about making fun of them. that didn’t take long.
The documentary Fall from Grace that’s about the church supposedly has some footage of escapees.
I found this:
http://www.atheistnation.net/video/?vide…
and it’s pretty interesting. I’m still watching it, but here’s an (semi-)interesting point:
In the earlier post we read that Even Jael admitted that the protest wasn’t all that great. “This is kind of medium,” she said.
Now watch the video in the link above at 8 minutes in where they all rank every single one of their protests as 10 out of 10. Is Jael starting to slip away from the party line?
I should clarify, that while I urge everyone to watch the documentary and get maximum entertainment value from these fuckwits and their hilarious signs, they are a moral monstrosity, and I wouldn’t be amused by them if my brother or son’s funeral was picketed by them. After I first watched that, I went on a binge of reading about them and found an article about their relationship with Topeka and their history.
It’s fascinating how healthy and good looking they are compared to the KKK types you usually see on TV.
I believe the reason they’re so happy when they’re picketing is that it’s the only interaction they get with the outside world, and even getting the bird from everyone is more fun than the routine of being them on a daily basis. If you go to their site and read Fred Phelps sermon for his daughter Shirly’s wedding, you’ll get a sense of how amazingly shitty their lives must be off camera. If your life is a pool of runny shit, the smell of a solid healthy turd floating on the top would probably be a welcome relief such that it would probably bring a big smile to your face.
Oh and the documentary includes a lot of footage of the graphic artist who makes their signs who informs us that Jews hate god and worship the rectum in my #1 favorite scene.
Thank you, #35.
Montdidier, your conscience is adorable, and you should cultivate it, but making fun of the Phelps family is what the internet is for. It’s not a pure and wholesome pleasure like naked pictures of Violet Blue (tiny nibbles), but it’s definitely not something you should feel guilty about either.
If we can’t make fun of adults who choose to devote their lives to evil, who can we make fun of? And if you can’t enjoy making fun of people, well,.. I can’t even imagine living that way.
Holy fucking hell, did we know about this, though?
(This is just quoted from the Wikipedia entry on Fred Phelps)
Phelps has run in various Kansas Democratic Party primaries five times, but has never won. These included races for governor in 1990, 1994, and 1998, receiving about 15 percent of the vote in 1998. In the 1992 Democratic Party primary for U.S. Senate, Phelps received 31 percent of the vote. Phelps ran for mayor of Topeka in 1993 and 1997.
From This is apparently the answer
to the question — why?
“Last year, Nate Phelps, sixth of Pastor Phelps’ 13 children, accused his father of child abuse in the national media. The information was presented as a footnote to the larger story of Fred Phelps’ anti-gay campaign. But the deep currents that lie beneath the apparent applecheeks of the Phelps’ clan were stirring. A series of interviews with
Nate resulted in an eyewitness account of life growing up in the Phelps camp. These reports contained allegations of persistent and poisonous
child abuse, wife-beating, drug addiction, kidnapping, terrorism, wholesale tax fraud, and business fraud. In addition, Nate described the cult-like disassembly of young adult identities into shadow-souls, using physical and emotional coercion — coercion that may have been a leading factor in the suicide of an emotionally troubled teenaged girl.”
http://www.addicted to hate.com
@35 I cannot believe I just watched that entire documentary. Thanks for the link, that was almost as disturbing as Jesus Camp. At least these WBC people will never have the influence of the more mainstream evangelicals. I feel sorry for any child born into that family.
“According to Mark, the Pastor (Phelps) started screaming at them not to horse around. He punched both boys several times and ordered them outside to work in the yard. On his way out, Mark rounded a corner and inadvertently stumbled into his father a second time. Enraged, the Pastor connected with a hook to the side of his son’s head. Mark fell
down dazed and stunned. The Pastor began to kick him, and kept kicking him, but Mark couldn’t get up. His father screamed at him to go out in the yard, but the boy’s legs felt like jello and “the room was rolling in vertigo”. Finally, his father left him there, sprawled and dazed like a defeated boxer. When Mark could stand up, he joined his older brother already at work.”
A Guy walks into a bar, sits downs and starts to make conversation with guy at next table.
“Want to hear the world’s worst a Westboro Baptist Joke?”
The other guy says “Sure, but before you tell it, let me tell you something. See those two bikers over there by the door, those tow real mean-looking dudes? They’re a Westboro Baptists. And those two bouncers by the bar? They’re a Westboro Baptists too! The Bartender is also a Westboro Baptist! And one more thing pal, I’m a Westboro Baptist too… Now, do you still want to tell that joke of yours?”
“Hell no!”, replies the first guy, “I don’t want to have to explain it six times!”
Thanks for the clarification of Bitch Burger, but what I still want to know is this: why is the baby replacing the bottom half of the bun? Wouldn’t it make more sense to have the baby as the meat between the bun halves? The way they have it, you’d get your hands all messy, and God hates that.
I think 1 story or clip or video or piece about these ignorant idiots is more attention than they deserve…3 or more? Overkill. If it’s attention that they’re really wanting and not to actually change anyone’s mind then why are we giving it to them? Weird.
Well, this video effectively dispelled all anger I felt toward the Westboro Baptist Church. They’re really too sad and pathetic to be mad at.
When did Westboro hire Kelly to be their publicist?
I don’t really see a problem with giving these people media attention. They are so obviouly confused people, that it really makes the secular side look great. It’s like Rush always having the dumbest liberals he can find on his show.
That girl looks like a younger/fleshier version of the scary old guy in Poltergeist II:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKHf8bDQj…