First, let me get this out of my system: ANAL HOOK. Where did that thing go? Even I’m still reeling.

Okay… if you attended HUMP! and paid attention to my remarks before the screening then you know why we haven’t announced the winners yet: there are four screenings of HUMP! 5 in Portland this weekend. Back in the spring I challenged Portland’s sexually adventurous singles, couples, kinksters, and wannabe porn stars to make films for HUMP! 5. So much good stuff poured in from Portland that we felt it only right and fair to have screenings down there so Portland could cheer on—and vote for—their hometown heroes.

Did you miss HUMP! 5 in Seattle? Were you unable to get your hands on a ticket? Did you see HUMP! 5 and want to experience the magic again? Or do you just have nothing better to do this weekend? Then you are cordially invited to join us in Portland at Cinema 21 (616 NW 21st) this Friday and Saturday night. There are four screenings—Friday at 7 and 9:30 PM, Saturday at 7 and 9:30 PM—and there are still tickets available. The Friday at 7 show is 18+, all other shows are 21+. I’ll be there, the lovely and talented Caroline Dodge will be there, and—most exciting for me—the boys from Citizen Came will be there.

We’ve already counted up Seattle’s HUMP! 5 ballots and we’ll announce the winners of HUMP! 5 after we count up Portland’s ballots. The winners of the two $2000 grand prizes—and $500 and $250 runners up prizes—will be announced in next week’s paper.

20 replies on “When Will the HUMP! Winners Be Announced?”

  1. Will an Anal Hook make your Ass leak?
    Does Slog recommend Anal Hooks?
    Are Anal Hooks 100% Safe and Foolproof for kids to avoid unintended pregnancy?

  2. The Citizens Came boys WERE adorable and even if they don’t win a prize, I hope you at least buy the lead actor some soothing emoliants…after cumming 10 times in a day, he must be seriously chaffed…

  3. @1: I have no idea—I’ve never recommended the anal hook to anyone. I think you should ask the straight couple who made the video that included the hook. It did look pretty low-risk for pregnancy, though, even if it looked high-risk for perforating your colon.

  4. man, dan, i went home and read up on the hook afterwards… i don’t think that was the intended use. at all. still traumatized. i feel like you owe us a diagram.

    the couple who made the film maintain an easily findable blog if you search on the actress’ name. you know, for further hook-related entertainment.

  6. Sorry, Dan. I thought I paid attention to your pre show remarks, and so I should have know when the winners would be announced.

    Then I saw the hook and I forgot everything I’d just heard and seen.

    Thanks for the reminder! Can’t wait to see the winners!

  7. Aww… Chris, I like you my neighbor.

    Maybe, I’ll make it. The other half is attending Northwestern at the moment, so I’ll inquire about his interest.

  9. 8: I can’t imagine getting paid enough to investigate where the anal hook went. Was it made of rubber or something? It just doesn’t seem safe if it’s really metal… OUCH.

  10. I really can’t be expected to keep track of all the sick and twisted things straight people are doing to their partners’ anuses, can I?

  12. oh and dan, when you were riding away on your bike we tried to invite you to a ride with us. 7pm every thursday at westlake. come for a spin sometime, whiskey is on me.

  15. I love Hump (this is my 2nd time), and I LOVED it this year! I really appreciate the perverts, queers and sluts at The Stranger for furthering the cultural discourse around the erotic, and eros in general. (And of course the brave and naughty souls who put their parts on the line to tittilate these two cities. Thanks!)

    I would like to say that having only two voting categories –Sexiest & Funniest– precludes some films from ever receiving a prize, even if they are clearly worthy.

    Incubus was clearly the best (IMHO), but was neither sexy nor funny. “Erotic” perhaps, but not sexy. How to give them a prize and our admiration?

    Can we get a Best category next year? And have a threeway split of the prize money? (Or perhaps have a threeway, to split the prize money… I’ll officiate. Or fellatate. Or whatever.)

    Finally, Anal Hook: Clearly those two had some practice. I’m guessing that effort over time has made things a little more um commodious in there than they are in most people.

  16. Dear Treacle,

    We are considering adding a “Best in Show” category to next year’s prize package. It would mean making Funniest and Hottest 1K, and then tossing 2K at Best in Show. It ups the chances, though, that one film could win more than one prize, I guess.

    We’re also talking “Best Gay/Queer,” “Best Straight,” “Funniest,” “Hottest,” and “Best in HUMP.”

  20. @10
    Gay men are 17 times more likely to develop anal cancer than heterosexual men?
    Can you be expected to keep track of all the sick and twisted things homosexuals are doing to their anuses?

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