scaled.Picture_4.png

Submitted to I, Anonymous:

You are not a fucking LOLcat. Stop acting like one. In particular: please, please, stop it with the “om nom nom” crap. It was funny for a while, but now? It’s not cute anymore. You don’t sound like a cute little three-year-old. You sound like a 30-year-old trying to sound like a three-year-old. Not cute, not funny, just obnoxious. Save the baby voice and cutesie words for your significant other. I am not dating you and I don’t want to hear this baby voice shit. You are an adult. That doesn’t mean you have to act like an adult all the time, but when you are constantly doing this stupid baby talk crap with your adult friends, it has gone too far.

Let me break it down for you. Do you almost always refer to food as “noms?” You are doing it too much. Stop it.

Do you almost always express appreciation for food by saying “nom,” “tasty noms,” or “om nom nom?” You are doing it too much. Cut that shit out.

This isn’t cute anymore. It stopped being funny and whimsical about six months ago. It’s infantile and infantilizing. And you are not an infant. Reducing your once-vast vocabulary for words about food to two syllables – “om” and “nom” – makes you sound like an idiot. It has got to stop.

David Schmader—former weed columnist and Stranger associate editor—is the author of the solo plays Straight and Letter to Axl, which he’s performed in Seattle and across the US. His latest...

29 replies on ““You Are Not a LOLcat””

  1. It’s just a dopey but fun site for people who either like dogs and/or cats and having their antics captioned. It’s not rocket science, it’s a simple smile in the day for those who like it.

    Don’t like it; don’t go to the website. Nobody’s forcing you.

  2. @1 – um… I don’t think they’re talking about people on the website. I think they’re talking about a real-life acquaintance.

  4. Did you not read it at all? It is about fucking retards who go around using lolcat sayings in real life. When you hear an adult say “CAN I HAZ THAT?” It is fairly annoying.

  10. I get pointlessly apoplectic about a lot of things, but there are so many other irritating things in the world, I can’t bring myself to worry about whether or not someone is using LOLspeak.

    Now, my co-workers who insist on snapping their gum and CHOMPing their food, that’s a whole different story.

  15. Since when did I, Anonymous switch from being a place for people to say something that they were afraid to say out loud to a place for people to rant about minor petty annoyances that I hear out loud every day?

    If you want to publish these, make a new column called I, People Hater. At least then I’ll know not to read them.

  16. I generally like I, Anonymous, but this person sounds like a miserable killjoy. We live in a very fucked up world, I say get your amusement where you can, nom-er.

  22. I had no idea this came from LOL cats, but I’d be glad to see it end ASAP. Take “me likey” and “I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit” with it, please.

  23. Baby talk between adults is completely unacceptable, even when dating. Combine that with overly vocal food enjoyment, and I’m pretty much gonna need to step outside and not come back to the table. Ever.

  28. Not being well acquainted with the ins and outs of Lolcats, the om nom nom thing just makes me think of Cookie Monster and the gentle days of yore when Sesame Street was more than just The Elmo Hour.

    Of course, NOW it’s going to make me think of Lolcats. You bastards.

Comments are closed.