And terrible in the fullest sense—like, horrible/exciting/awe-inspiring/intense? Reading the Wisconsin Department of Natural Resources’s snowmobile fatality summary. It’s here. It has less information than you might want and more information than you need. The data they keep track of is fascinatingly detailed—how old was the person, how drunk was the person, what the accident was caused by, what the fatality was caused by, what time the accident happened, what state the person’s a resident of, whether they were certified to be operating a snowmobile, whether the person was wearing a helmet… And, in addition to those pieces of data, there’s a one- or two-sentence narrative for each death.
Look at fatality number 2. Type of accident: “Struck trees.” Cause of fatality: “Speed/Alcohol/Head trauma.” Age: 56. Blood alcohol content: .270. And the one-sentence narrative: “The victim failed to negotiate a curve leaving the roadway, hitting a brush pile, going air born [sic] then striking a tree causing the snowmobile to come to a stop, the operator struck that tree and continued 27 feet hitting a second tree.”
Or, if you want to break your own heart, look at fatalities 7 and 8: 20-year-old guy and 21-year-old girl from Minnesota. Cause of accident: “Collision With Fixed Object.” Cause of death: “Speed/Alcohol/Drugs.” Here’s the description of what happened to the guy: “The victim operating across a lake at a very high rate of speed with a passenger when the snowmobile hit the shoreline went airborne and struck a dock that had been pulled onto shore. Both the operator and passenger were killed instantly. The operator was wearing a helmet, but the passenger was not. The victim operator also tested positive for marijuana (THC).”
That “failed to negotiate” construction is so rich, bureaucratic, and droll. Kind of reminds me of the narrator of the novel Everything Is Illuminated describing an accident his brother got into as a “mismanagement with a brick wall.” (Paraphrasing. Don’t have the book here.) And they use it again and again. The description of fatality 16 on that list: “The victim was operating on a snowmobile trail, failed to negotiate a curve and was ejected from the snowmobile, striking a tree.”
There have been 23 snowmobile fatalities in Wisconsin since December 9.
Insensitive/inappropriate aside: I was looking at this site—apparently constantly updated—with a friend the other night and he said, “Every phrase on this page would make a good band name.” Which is true. Poor Ice Conditions would be a great band name. As would Collision with Fixed Object or Struck by Snowmobile or Blunt Force Trauma. There’s probably already a band somewhere called Multiple Internal Injuries, right? Also, Town of Arbor Vitae or Town of Watertown or Jackson Township would be great band names. (The image above is by flickr user Matti Á.)
Meh.
It kind of comes with the territory. My brother has a great story about getting in a snowmobile accident and almost freezing to death (just wearing a jeans jacket and toque) before someone luckily found him – this after two relatives drove past where he was and didn’t see him bleeding into the snow nearby.
I had a cousin who spent most of a year in a body cast from a snow mobile accident. He failed to negotiate the back of a snow plow.
About 14 months later, he failed to negotiate a tree while on a quad and was back in a body cast for another long while.
Why his parents let bought him these things to ride on, I’ll never know.
Slednecks are fucking morons.
@3: +1
Snowmobiles should only be used for delivering vital goods and services. Why anyone would purposly want to pierce the serenity of a winter wilderness with those obnoxious machines is beyond me and they deserve the fatal accidents they get themselves into.
I rode snowmobiles a few times when I was a kid in the Chicago area. Even at 10 or so, I realized, “Hmm, lots of power, not much stability…that’s it, I’m done with these.”
Seriously, those things can hit 70 mph. That’s not even all that safe in a car (though I’ve certainly gone much faster than that in a car), but on those little pieces of shit it’s really asking for trouble.
Eh. It isn’t just machines. Two teenagers, in entirely separate incidents, *died* recently because they hit trees while skiing. One was wearing a helmet; one was not.
Winter is fucking *lethal.*
@4,
And cars should only be used for goods and services, carpooling, blah blah fucking blah. People in car accidents deserve what they get, then. So do people who insist on riding bikes in traffic. Fuck them too, right? I love when people blurt out the blanket “should only” statement. That could be said for anything. Airplanes, trucks, motorbikes, skateboards, whatever. Look, I dislike the sound of snowmobiles as much as anyone, especially b/c I had to drive one for work for 4 years. If you don’t like them, a) don’t live around them or b) do what my mom did and get on the town board and prevent them from going near you. Otherwise, save your bleating.
what wouldn’t be a good band name?
Snowmobiles are a legitimate means of transportation in the WI/MN/MI northwoods. That doesn’t mean they’re less dangerous, or their operators are more cautious, etc. But that doesn’t mean they’re automatically stupid. Unless they weren’t wearing a helmet…
The ‘winter wilderness’ is where these people live, and the roads are often impassable.
23 fatalities may seem like a large number, but may not be compared to traffic accidents at the same time during the summer.
What are these “snowmobiles” of which you speak? Are they like the snow-machines we have in Alaska?
aka deceleration casualties
“…at night, the ice weasels come.”
In Michigan, they’re “sleds”. We always had one – my parents still do. If you’re not shitfaced and know the terrain, it’s amazing fun. The best, and most dangerous, is racing on a flat, frozen lake. All that cold air, wide open throttle, 70 mph feels like 90…
Yeah seriously stop calling them snowmobiles. That is not what they are called.
Also: the ignorance in the comments of this story is fucking astounding.
They are snowmobiles in Wisconsin. Not in AK, get over it. I’m from that neck of the woods, and yeah, people get wasted and ride them into frozen trees or open water. Heard of Darwin?
@11, 15:
Google has 1.08 million results for “snowmachine” and 11.3 million results for “snowmobile.” There are 7 million results for “snow machine” with a space, but for both “machine”-related entries many of them refer to completely different kinds of machines.
The Wikipedia entry for “snowmachine” redirects to a page for “snow machine” that discusses several different types of machines, only one of which is a snowmobile. Snowmobiles are discussed under the “Snowmobile” article.
The American Heritage dictionary entry for “snowmobile” (which dates to 1920) mentions “skimobile” as a lesser-used alternative dating to 1940 and “snowcat” as a term dating to 1950 but does not mention any form of “snowmachine” at all. There is no “snowmachine” or “snow machine” entry.
In short, get over yourselves. It’s a fucking snowmobile.
here, they are known as ‘snow golf carts’ – an urban way for rich bored yuppies to haul their fat asses up hills and possibly snowboard down if they aren’t too drunk on fashionable cheap beer.
just say NO to ‘nuts to butts’
Well it was mostly in jest. Because in Alaska we call them snowmachines.
In short, stop wasting your time googling stupid shit and learn not to be a moron.
Blunt Force Trauma IS a band.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blunt_Force…)
Also, ever heard of skipping water? In MN every year a few people die because they intentionally try to go over OPEN WATER. If you go fast enough and it’s short enough you make it over, but, of course, some don’t.
I’m sorry you got schooled by Webster, brian.
Most operators who think every three word phrase they hear would make a good band name also test positive for marijuana (THC).
Might have been schooled by Webster but Merriam still has my back.
Yeah 16, so much ignorance on this thread. Anyway, I gotta go fuel up the Harley Edition F-350 Super Duty that I financed with no down payment and a 10 year loan so that I can haul the sleds out to the mountains tomorrow. Me and the boys are gonna tear shit up and drink the shit outta some Busch. I hope we can buzz by and scare some of those gay ass skiers or snowshoers and let em choke on our fumes. Did I mention that my truck has one of those fake ball sacks hanging off the trailer hitch? Those things are badass.
Right. Everyone who uses a snowmachine is a redneck idiot with a big truck. No one anywhere uses them as a viable form of transportation to reach places that cars and planes can’t get to.
Sick burn on rednecks, though. Top notch. The elusive redneck has never been an easy target for mockery but you seem to have a handle on it. Teach me.
It’s not really ignorance, Brian; it’s more like don’t-give-a-shit-ism. We here in Seattle have this little thing called “civilization”. And its discontents, of course.
This kind of a report – while fascinating – isn’t surprising. There’s an annual report for mountain climbing accidents, too. Now THOSE make interesting reading (especially because there are several grisly stories of people falling into crevasses or dying of exposure in some horrible way).
But do people habitually mountain-climb while drunk? What’s funny about the snowmobile reports is the huge number of yahoos who ride them, at night, when they’re completely shit-faced.
You’d be surprised at the amount of outdoor activities that happen under the influence of all kinds of substances.
Just because people are outdoors-y and athletic doesn’t always make them smart.
Full disclosure: I’ve gone rock climbing while way-too-inebriated.
Just to add to the din: my parents live very near the storied Town of Arbor Vitae. (yeah, it’s as exciting as you’d expect). They’ve been in a serious snow deficit over most of the past 10 winters or so…I’d attribute at least some of the mortality to “shit-faced yahoos” having to relearn their drunken obstacle-negotiation skills.