Hi. I’m Francine Colman-Gutierrez. Here are some Valentine’s Day things that you are wrong about.
• Buying her chocolate: You’re wrong about that—unless she specifically asked for diabetes.
• Buying her flowers: Thanks for the dead plants.
• Buying her lingerie: …is gross.
• Buying her sex toys: Does she buy you power tools?
• Writing her a love song: Ugh. Just please don’t.
• Writing her poetry: NEVER NEVER NEVER OKAY…