We’re one week into the new year, and shit has already gotten weird (and horrifying and sad and infuriating and and and…). More bad news: We still have 50.714 weeks to go, and it’s anyone’s guess how the future will unfold. In an effort to help brace ourselves for what’s to come, we gazed into our crystal balls and made a few predictions about 2026 AD.

Here’s to another goddamn new year.

West Seattle Bridge Closes. Again.

I’m a West Seattle resident, so I can say this: I believe the West Seattle Bridge, which was infamously closed to traffic from March 2020 to September 2022, will close again. The $67 million in repairs, which were finished just three years ago, are said to have a 95 percent chance of holding out until 2060. But I am not convinced. In my mind, being 95 percent sure of something means you're uncertain, but don’t want anyone to worry. I’m not saying I want the bridge to close for a long period of time again, but my guard is up. We are all getting a little too comfortable, driving and busing across it willy-nilly, like it’s a fully functioning bridge that hasn’t burned us in the past. And let's look on the bright side, the bridge closing would give me an excellent excuse to bail on social events. AUDREY VANN

Trump Makes Weird Comments About Katie Wilson: The Sequel

One thing about President Donald Trump is that he loves to talk about people in the political sphere in the most absurd ways. Sometimes it’s a nickname (Ron DeSanctimonious, Sleepy Joe Biden, Liddle Communist Zohran Mamdani). Sometimes it’s comments on a woman’s looks (“Quiet, piggy,” or unsolicited remarks on Brigitte Macron being “in such good shape”). Lucky for Mayor Katie Wilson, she checks both boxes—she’s a woman and she’s in politics. And this year, Trump will become obsessed with her.

Wilson is already on Trump’s radar. In November, during a meeting with FIFA President Gianni Infantino, Trump called Wilson “another beauty” and a “very, very liberal-slash-communist mayor.” As Seattle preps for the World Cup and Wilson jumps fully into her role as mayor, Trump’s fixation will only grow. She’ll be scattered throughout Trump’s Truth Social page, with HER NAME in ALL CAPS at RANDOM PLACES!!! Her name will be thrown around in press conferences. I can see it now: “Seattle—very dangerous place, very liberal, everybody knows it. I’ve been saying it for years. Crime everywhere. Terrible, terrible city. And their mayor, Comrade Katie—I call her Comrade Katie—a beautiful woman, people are saying, but she’s a Marxist. Total Marxist. Loves Marxism. Not good, very bad for Seattle.” And blah blah blah.

Trump’s Wilson obsession will either be “complimentary,” or it’ll be disparaging. Maybe it’ll be both. Regardless, it’s definitely going to be weird and misogynistic. Trump just can’t help it—he’s a strange man whose favorite political pastime is objectifying women and juvenile name-calling. Sorry, Mayor Wilson. I hope I’m wrong. MICAH YIP

South Lake Union Gets an Erewhon

The spiritually bereft land of Lululemons and goldendoodles is the perfect environment for LA’s most cultish grocery store. Amazon workers will gobble up the buffalo cauliflower and $20 Hailey Bieber Strawberry Glaze Skin Smoothies. (Yes, that’s the drink’s real name, and yes, it’s really $20.) JULIANNE BELL

Traffic Snarls in US Cities During World Cup, Inspires Massive Anti-Car Movement

This year, millions of people will descend on 11 US cities in the course of one month when the World Cup comes to town. That’s going to really expose our nation’s public transportation shortcomings. Even though FIFA required 2026 World Cup host cities to meet certain standards (robust transportation from airports and hotels into city centers), this year’s destinations are still woefully unprepared compared to host cities of the past. For instance, in New York, Boston, and Philadelphia, where most of the US games will be centered, they’re depending on Amtrak to transport millions of soccer fans through the Northeast corridor. Yes, Amtrak. Kansas City is a host, and even though they did a whole airport remodel and metro upgrade for the occasion, their bus from the airport only runs once an hour. What’s more, Kansas City’s Arrowhead Stadium is surrounded by a sea of parking lots. It’s an unwalkable hellhole. And despite the fact that many of the other US World Cup venues are in the same boat, you can count on Trump pinching his purse and refusing to dole out more infrastructure money for anyone to fix anything. It’s going to be a fucking mess. I’m hoping that mess will catalyze even more conversations about our woeful car-centricity. After a national embarrassment like what will befall the World Cup—with fans stuck in cars, in traffic, in parking lots for several hours at a time—maybe we’ll have no choice but to change our ways. NATHALIE GRAHAM

A Waymo Car Drives into Lake Union 

Will Waymo’s self-driving cars (which are currently being tested locally without passengers and with a human driver at the wheel) finally go driverless in Seattle in 2026? Your guess is as good as mine. When the company first started testing its fleet on Seattle streets in the fall, with drivers at the wheel, the Seattle Times reported that “There’s no set timeline for when the cars will be ready to zip around the city without human intervention.” One hurdle the company is facing is the weather. The Pacific Northwest is, in Waymo’s words, "notoriously wet.” In other cities, unmanned Waymo cars have been a little, uh, unpredictable when extreme weather impacts the roadway. In September, Waymo had to temporarily stop service in Phoenix after several cars got stuck in flood waters (with passengers inside!). The company also had to pause service in San Francisco in December due to a storm that caused flooding and a power outage. And here’s video on Reddit of a driverless Waymo car allegedly driving through a flooded parking lot. Seattle has everything a city needs for Waymo’s plans to end in disaster: water, hills, power outages… shit might get ugly. I just hope that no one gets hurt when one ends up at the bottom of Lake Union after trying to drop someone off for a picnic at Gas Works Park. Maybe every car should have one of these in the glove compartment to be safe. MEGAN SELING

Circus Aesthetic Goes Viral

Clowncore has already been trending for the last few years, but I predict it will evolve into full-fledged escapist Cirque du Soleil whimsy to keep up with the absurdity of the times. Think old-timey red and white stripes, harlequin prints, feather trim, sequins, ornate masks, etc. Maybe juggling and acrobatics will also make a comeback. JULIANNE BELL

Glo’s Reopens in Old Location as if Nothing Ever Happened

Since 1987, Glo’s Diner has been pumping out delicious scrambles and the best biscuits and gravy on Capitol Hill. Glo’s used to live inside a dumpy little hole in the wall on the upslope of Olive Street. It gave the name “Greasy Spoon” a very literal meaning in the best way. The ambiance fit the kinda punk, standoffish energy of all the best diners. A pandemic and a fire sent Glo’s to a new space in a brand-spanking-new building. And, look, it’s a good space. It’s a bit… narrow. But it’s probably bigger than the old space. The main problem is that the new space is so… new. Glossy windows. Polish. It doesn’t fit the Glo’s we knew. Probably the universe knows this and will relocate Glo’s to its roots. No offense to E.A.T. Asian Tapas Bar, which has taken up residence there. Honestly, the two should do a Freaky Friday and switch places. NATHALIE GRAHAM

Orange Julius Makes a Triumphant Return to Pacific Place, to All Malls, to Our Hearts

Orange Julius, the greatest drink ever created, makes a triumphant return to Pacific Place. The people didn’t know how much they’d missed this frothy, impossible-to-replicate-at-home beverage. Lines form around the block. Another location opens, and then another. Malls in general make a comeback in order to keep up with the Orange Julius demand. People remember that the mall was pretty great, actually. Shopping in person makes a comeback. Amazon fails. EMILY NOKES

Pearl Jam Break Up, Citizen Dick Reunite, and Singles II Goes into Production 

It’s already begun. Last year, Pearl Jam’s longtime drummer Matt Cameron announced he was leaving the band. While he wasn’t the group's original drummer—Matt Chamberlain played on Ten, Dave Abbruzzese played on Vs. and Vitalogy, and Cameron, who had previously drummed for Skin Yard and Soundgarden, didn’t join until 1998—the band is still lost without him. In an effort to reignite the creative process, Eddie Vedder, burnt out on being the frontman—the face, the spokesperson, the star—finds refuge behind the kit. 

It starts as a joke. Vedder, spinning a drumstick in his hand, says something like “lol remember Citizen Dick?” He’s referring, of course, to the fictional band that he and his Pearl Jam bandmates Jeff Ament and Stone Gossard were in with Hollywood star Matt Dillon for Cameron Crowe’s 1992 Seattle-based rom-com Singles. They all grin. They remember the J&M Cafe, the Vogue, the Dog House. “Those were the days,” says Ament. He starts to cautiously play the bassline to “Touch Me I’m Dick.” It holds up. Vedder joins in on drums for a few bars. A wave of nostalgia—and dollar signs—washes over them. Suddenly, Crowe and Dillon are on the phone—it was like fate had dialed the numbers. Singles II (or: Singles Too) will begin preproduction by May, starring adult versions of all the babies who were born from all the unprotected sex had in the first film. They’re all in their early 30s and spiraling. They’re watching themselves make the same mistakes their parents made, but this time Seattle is different, unforgiving. The Vogue is closed. So is J&M and the Dog House. Therapy is too expensive, and so is the rent. After selling out a few reunion shows at the Emerald Queen Casino (thanks to one of their songs going viral in a 14-year-old’s GRWM TikTok video), Citizen Dick get it in their heads that they could do a whole tour. Their kids could be roadies. So could their grandkids. They could sell a behind-the-scenes reality series to Netflix. Or at least TLC. Will Citizen Dick save the day? Call me if you want help with the script, Crowe. I am very affordable. MEGAN SELING

Seattle Gets Congestion Pricing

Since New York City implemented congestion pricing in parts of Manhattan in 2025, emission pollution is down, there are fewer pedestrian deaths, less traffic, and the buses are faster. It’s been great. Seattle has often flirted with the idea and never taken it to bed. Now that we have a mayor invested in public transportation who lives and breathes vision zero priorities, I expect we’ll see congestion pricing come across the docket again and more seriously than it has in the past. NATHALIE GRAHAM

Our Arts Scene Thrives???

That’s it, that’s my prediction. EMILY NOKES

Ethan Hawk Stars in Tom Waits Biopic 

This is the formula: (A-List Actor) stars in (Legendary Musician) Biopic. Timothée Chalamet as Bob Dylan. Jeremy Allen White as Bruce Springsteen. Selena Gomez as Linda Ronstadt. Paul Mescal as Paul McCartney. It’s clear that more such films are coming, and my optimistic prediction is that Ethan Hawke will star as Tom Waits in a biopic directed by Jim Jarmusch or Richard Linklater. Hawke will probably win his first Oscar. AUDREY VANN