An Illustrated Guide to Prepping

Illustrations by Mike Merg

After years of living with little to no perturbation beneath a live volcano and above the super-threatening Seattle Fault and seeing the violence of anthropogenic weather events increase, I finally snapped when, in late February, I read that the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) was cutting jobs at the Bonneville Power Administration (BPA). That department, which manages around 75 percent of the high-voltage power in the Pacific Northwest, was already understaffed when Trump/Musk forced it to fire 89 employees and retire 240. Compound this brazen lunacy (“people running circles”) with a system that’s stressed by a warming climate, and what do you get? A mode of mind that no longer dismisses preppers. And because you live in the same “mad world, mad world” I live in, you, too, can’t afford to sleep on preparing for the worst. 

Nevertheless, I’m no expert on prepping. My mission is to not just survive the aftermath but to well wad it with the comforts to which I’m accustomed. To ensure this outcome, I have bought these items while they are still affordable and available. You should consider doing the same.

400-Watt Solar Panels

Just in case gas runs out or is not available (a real possibility if we are hit by a very violent natural or climate-related disaster), it’s recommended you own high-quality solar panels. Do not buy panels that have less than 200 watts. They take forever to recharge anything of value. Aim for anything above 400 watts. Best of all are two portable panels that can, when combined, provide a total of 800 watts. These high-quality light-gathering machines cost around $700 and will, in the most difficult of circumstances: 1) power video games, 2) power tablets and phones with downloaded music, movies, and books, and, 3) heat water for coffee or ramen. Always keep lots of ramen in the house.

5600-Watt Portable Generator

Yes, it runs on gas, but we live in a world where petroleum products are more compossible than alternatives. By compossible, I mean we have structured our culture in such a way that the most advanced infrastructure (which actualizes the virtual) involves fossil fuels. (This sucks, but we live in a culture that has kept the compossibles of clean energy in an inchoate state.) So, when the DOGE blackouts arrive in the very near future, a portable gas-powered machine will reliably keep the whole house running for at least 12 hours, allowing you to take hot showers, keep food cold (a fridge is, after all, a time machine), and prepare hot meals with minimal trouble. 

Slingshot

This tool has many advantages over its revivals (guns and bows), the main of which being you will never run out of rocks in the aftermath. Also, slingshots are just safer. Guns are likely to do harm to you and those close to you rather than to an armed adversary. But here is the problem with slingshots: You probably never learned how to make one. I once did, but the memory of that skill sank into some deep part of my mind and will only resurface when I’m in that kind of delirium the fatally ill experience before death. What to do? You can, like I did, buy the real thing: the Best Slingshot series from Hella Slingshots. They are handmade from a forked tree branch—see, hella real. Put a stone in one of these bad boys, pull, release, and knock the life out of a bird (XvX) chilling in a tree.

98-Piece First Aid Kit

Don’t skimp. Pay $150 for a high-quality first aid kit. It must be waterproof and have space blankets, burn gel, hydration mods, large EMT shears, gloves—the works. Indeed, with the huge cuts DOGE is making on our healthcare system, you may need a nifty kit even before the apocalypse hits. Important note: Always keep several bottles of whiskey near your first aid kit. And to show your support to a country that will never become the 51st state, buy Canadian whiskey and not that MAGA Jack Daniels.

Recipes for Pigeons 

When my father, Ebenezer Mudede, visited Beijing in 1985 on state-related business (he was an economist for Zimbabwe’s Ministry of Industry and Technology), he was surprised to find not a single bird in the city’s skies. Why? They had been eaten. Though it’s hard to imagine today, back then, China was even poorer than many Sub-Saharan African countries. Seattle has in large numbers a kind of bird whose meat is reputed to be tasty and tender: the pigeon. When the world is working, pigeons can live in peace with humans. But when things go wrong, such as a war or economic catastrophe, they are instantly seen (in cartoon fashion) for what they actually are: an easy source of protein that’s plucked and turned over a campfire spit.

If you are really set for a comfortable apocalypse, Ryan McLaughlin, the chef at Violet, offers this recipe:

Simple Squab

Ingredients

• 2 whole pigeons
• 1 shallot, brunoise
• Salt and white pepper
• Rosemary
• Wine
• A few knobs of butter

Method

Using scissors or a small blade, cut through the backbone and breastplate of each pigeon to make two halves of breast and thigh. Season well with salt and pepper.

Sear pigeon on medium-high heat, skin side down, until well browned. Flip and lower heat to medium. Add a small knob of butter, the shallot, and a sprig or two of rosemary. Sauté shallot until soft and pigeon is just barely cooked through. Remove pigeon from pan.

Deglaze pan with a touch of wine, reduce until the pan is almost dry. Remove pan from heat and add a few more knobs of butter, stirring constantly to create a nice emulsification.

This is a simple preparation that would do well with foraged berries and greens. For instance, I would serve this pigeon over a bed of wild dandelion greens or watercress (well-washed, of course). The pan sauce would benefit greatly from the addition of any wild berries you might find here in the PNW. I like the Saskatoon berries when they are in season (July is peak time).