I spoke to a fledgling dominant recently who mentioned he was
looking forward to “getting to a place in BDSM where I don’t make
mistakes anymore.” I put my hand on his and said, “Darlin’, I hate
to tell you, but there ain’t no such destination.”

Of course, you can become skilled with study and practice. It is
crucial to learn how to not do physical damage to your bottom—and
no matter what kind of BDSM you do, someone out there has figured
out the risks for the bottom and published some safety information
about how the top should mitigate those risks. Kinksters are a didactic
bunch.

What no one tells you about is the other kind of mistake: the one
where the top screws up and accidentally hurts him/herself. However, if
you get some pervs together, give them a drink or two, and ask them
about their most embarrassing moments in the dungeon, you’ll
hear some stories.

I have my own, of course. Mostly minor stuff, like the time I was
piercing someone and ran the needle through her nipple—and deeply
into my own thumb. A more dramatic one was when, in an attempt to flog
someone much taller than me, I fell off a straight chair I was standing
on. I went ass-over-teakettle in one direction, and the chair
went in the other, but we both managed to crash into a glass-fronted
bookcase. I wasn’t seriously injured, but I was out one set of glass
doors and many, many points of badass credibility.

It is some small comfort that at least no one was filming me at the
time. BDSM porn giant Kink.com occasionally posts blooper reels. The latest one features Dak Ramsey
preparing to fuck a submissive boy, who’s lying on his back, his ankles
tied wide apart and hoisted up high by a horizontal pole hanging from
the ceiling. Ramsey grabs the bottom’s legs, swoops in for the thrust,
then whacks his forehead—with a resounding
clang—right on the spreader bar holding the bottom’s legs
open. Ouch, captured forever in glorious hi-def.

I’m guessing my pal Titan Media performer Tony Buff was pleased to
have his recent accident go unrecorded. Watching Tony’s BDSM movies,
you can tell he’s a skilled top—but Mistress Gravity, she is a
mean bitch. Tony was doing a golden-shower scene that apparently
involved a small lake of piss on a hardwood floor. He slipped in the
puddle, cracked his head on the floor, and knocked himself unconscious.
Thank god he didn’t do a Natasha Richardson on us.

Some mistakes you only unlearn by doing them—or at least
wincing in sympathy as you watch them happen to someone else. I
watch my head around low-hanging bondage. I don’t stand on chairs to
flog anyone. And you can bet I’ll remember Tony’s accident next time
I’m rolling someone around in a puddle of piss. I wonder if I can find
some slip-resistant stiletto heels? recommended

7 replies on “Control Tower”

  2. thanks, MM – no matter how far hollywood goes to make sex a 100% romantic and squeaky-clean, airbrushed affair, I know I started enjoying it a lot more when I (and whoever I’m with) realized that there will occasionally be awkward positions and noises and *gasp* laughing at yourselves when someone knocks something over.

  3. I wonder if you can put some of those little felt thingies you put on chair legs on the ends of your stilettos…? Might have to cut ’em down for size. Points if you can make the astroturf green ones look badass as you hoover them strategically over your bottom’s face.

  5. Master/Mistress is such a heady term and I am sure there are many who allow themselves to believe that they have somehow been elevated to a higher plain than that of a guy/gal with some rope and a flogger.

    Sharing Your faux pas’ with Your readers let’s us know that amid all Your success and acclaim in Your field that You are still down to earth and understand that you have limitations. In my mind the fact the You know You are human is better than “badass points.” No wonder they are lined up at your lovely feet.

    Thanks,

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