The people at BDSM-porn giant Kink.com enjoy controversy and pushing bound-aries when it comes to sex, but lately they pushed things even further than usual. It began when they announced a special event: the live-streaming of a virgin being “deflowered.” The star of this show? A 21-year-old named Nicki Blue. The widely issued press release read like Saint Augustine meets high-tech porn: “A trained expert will insert Kink.com‘s official Hymen-cam to validate that Blue’s hymen is still in place and she is a true virgin.” Fans would vote for one of three male performers to “take her innocence,” and the other two men would join in and “make her airtight.” Meaning: all three of them penetrating her at once.
I’m not easily offended, but even I was revolted by the language and tone of this. Online, sex-positive-feminist outrage exploded. Kink.com model Maggie Mayhem wrote an emotional blog post critiquing the ad campaign and debunking common myths about female virginity. (For example, the notion that every woman has a hymen, and that its presence or absence proves whether she’s had a penis inside her. Wrong!)
To everyone’s pleasant surprise, Kink.com CEO Peter Acworth quickly acknowledged that they’d bungled the promotion. He posted a graceful apology and stated, “We’re deeply honored Nicki wanted to celebrate this event on Kink.com.” Ad text and banners were changed to less controversial wording.
How touching. And how puzzling that a mature company like Kink.com would carelessly distribute such offensive advertising, create such an uproar—and then so smoothly and sweetly change its tune. Or perhaps it’s not so puzzling. Perhaps it’s simply a clever manipulation of the blogosphere.
So, a publicity win for Kink.com. But what about Nicki Blue? Critics were quick to assure us they supported Blue’s choice to do the show; it was just the promotional language they deplored. I cannot say the same. If Ms. Blue were a friend of mine, I’d say, “Don’t do this.” True, Nicki Blue didn’t just fall off the turnip truck—she’s modeled nude and performed solo in webcam shows. She says having her first vaginal intercourse live on camera is her fantasy, and obviously she has the right to choose that.
But has the right is not the same as a good idea. An inexperienced woman getting into Big Porn to “explore her sexuality”? That’s a seriously bad idea. Porn is a business. It doesn’t exist to create a safe place for models to fulfill their fantasies; it exists to create entertainment for paying customers and to make money.
The concept of female virginity being something that is “lost” is archaic. But experiencing vaginal penetration for the first time is not a silly little nonevent. Whether it’s enjoyable or anticlimactic, it’s a physical, social, and emotional milestone that influences your feelings about sex in the future. So don’t do it on a porn set. Do your sexual exploring in a private, no-pressure environment with someone you’re crazy-hot for—and save your porn-virginity until later. 
I don’t see what the big deal is. If you stop patronising her long enough to check up on this woman, she knows what porn is and she knows what it’s like to be penetrated on camera (albeit not via one particular orifice). I think if you can handle anal then even the first time of vag will be a cinch, and yet the concept of deflowering is still so erotic to many, it’s actually considered a “kink”.
If people here are so worried about other people’s potential sexual mistakes, then maybe it’s better that fetishists of this kind can turn to the internet to fulfil this particular kink through willing paid actresses* rather than go around deflowering naive vulnerable virgins for themselves? Reduce the number of virgins being exploited for their intact hymens?
As someone whose first time was rather abysmal, despite being off-camera, I’m not sure it’s quite the impending overwhelming tragedy people make out. Crappy first times happen all the time, even with people you love. I wish I’d been compensated with a nice paypacket – not that it would take away the disappointment but it’d be better than nothing, right? And fortunately, a bad first time is usually followed by better and better sex, constantly improving as you get more experienced. So life will not be over for her if this goes as badly as you imagine it might.
Questioning the judgment of a porn star being more enterprising about it than the average joe is only going to worsen the shame spiral of being disappointing with one’s first time, and to what ends? I suppose if you make sure everyone knows how stupid you think it is to set yourself up for a bad first time experience, next time hymen-wasting idiots like me will think twice about… wait… oh.
It’s perfectly valid to find losing virginity on camera to be in bad taste. I think the most constructive response is to not do it and not watch it.
* – I guess you could say she is method acting?
“DirtyYoungExec”‘s screenname speaks volumes as to what sort of a putz he really is.
DirtyYoungExec: I think the people who go “hey! I’d like a fist up the pooper! I’ve never had anything bigger than a bullet up my bum, but let’s go for gold AND let’s try it for the first time on camera!”
are just as stupid as this chick.
Um, why the multiple links throughout the article? It reeks of a “story” masquerading as a link-enabled ad. Way to drive up their business!
@17: I love that you don’t actually say WHAT a lot of partners says about someone. My mom was a hippie slut and is more than 30 years into a genuinely happy, loving monogamous marriage. I’ve had a lot of partners and am in a long-term relationship probably headed towards marriage. And yes, my boyfriend knows my history, and yes, my dad knew my mom’s history. Neither my mom nor I have any regrets about our pasts. We do, however, have a lot of fond memories.
It’s hilarious how some people act like no sexually experienced woman has ever found a mate, or has ever found her sex life fulfilling.
PS: Be careful getting drunk with your parents. You might find out about their sexual histories.
I don’t think the advice here was meant to be directed solely towards Nicki Blue. Although @DirtyYoungExec seems to be insisting that her shoot was a “roaring success”, that doesn’t prove this was a good idea. Just because it worked out okay in this case does not mean that more should follow her lead; anyone considering this should truly reflect on the points made in this article. I believe that was what MM was trying to get across.
Aside from that, do you really feel that concern about a penis hurting a vagina is strictly paranoia? I’ve heard enough stories that involved pain and blood from one penis, but this girl was planning to take on three at once. Are you seriously suggesting there was no risk factor, especially with this being broadcast live? I’m sure you’re not that naive. If it worked out this time, great, but that was very lucky to say the least.
Also, post 17 is irrelevant to MM’s article. She never said that correlating “intimacy” and “few” was archaic. Instead, she argued that the obsession with female virginity and the view that a woman has “lost her innocence” or is “unpure” by choosing to engage in sex is archaic. Not to mention, it is a double standard. Male virginity is by no means the controversy that female virginity is.
However, since you brought it up, I find this (“It is likely that women with high partner counts protest too much about topics like this as an ego reflex. After all, it is much easier for them to have “us” change than for them to face facts.”) absurd and rather presumptuous. You seem to have created your own conspiracy theory. Who’s “us”? You say “they” are protesting out of insecurity, yet many women have fully embraced their sexuality (look at Sex and the City). Who are you to decide that they are subconsciously ashamed of their actions? As @56 stated, neither she nor her mother have any regrets about their pasts. Can’t they simply protest this point because they believe it is wrong? (I would also like to point out that my “count” is very low in society’s eyes yet I still defend this standpoint – it’s not an “ego reflex”.)
Tried to make that as short as possible, but to be honest I found fault with just about every argument @DirtyYoungExec attempted so in the end it’s quite long (<3). There’s more I’d like to say but I’ll leave it at that… bottom line is I do not think MM’s article was meant to criticize Nicki Blue, it simply offered her own opinion on the situation. I do not feel that her advice was offensive or unreasonable in any way.
@Belle Starr
Ahhh, the “Pretty Woman” fantasy. It’s hilarious how some women act like being a hippie slut improves her marriage options, rather than significantly decreases them! Yes, in real life even hookers get married… and felons also get jobs… and oh yeah, water is wet.
Kink is the incongruous intersection of two ideas – “a rational modern attitude” meets “some traditional taboo”. The “virginity thing” happens to still be out there in non-western cultural especially ones where the United States is shall we say… in conflict. I’m not sure why kink.com didn’t go Danish Cartoonist and “put a white sheet down under Nicki Blue to see if there is blood.” If kink.com packaged their main act with some footage of social anthropologists talking about the history virginity this could be interesting assuming that the production was not so overly gonzo that Ms. Blue isn’t in control of the act. If they have a bad history of injuries they should be boycotted. Maybe medical personal should be present if they are serious about the “triple-header”.
Ooof, I think I’m the only woman tht agrees with DYE. Mostly.
I’m down with that MM is saying, it’s not a good idea. However, it IS her choice. Whatever her reasons (fetish, money, etc.), I don’t judge. She is old enough to make the decision, and she clearly has. Regarless of how it turns out for her or how I feel about it personally, I support her decision.
Where I agree with DYE, I don’t think he was being a misogynist to say it was a baby portal. CONTEXT: if a baby can come out of there, a penis can go in there. Yes, it hurts the first, second, whatever time(s), but that is not only a bridge we all cross, the safety of that sex is something we all need to negotiate prior to the act itself, regardless of whether we are on camera or in a private residence somewhere.
And finally, fetishing virginity doesn’t necessarily translate to child rape. Alot of men (and women)get off on witnesing the experience of first-time sex (much like we enjoy watching people react to a yummy dessert or a funny youtube video). Nowhere in there does it necessarily mean the person gets off on the youngness aspect of the activity. I was 24 when I first had sex and watching me run the gamut of feelings/experiences in those moments was a crazy and enjoyable experience for my partner. I’m not stupid, I realize that it CAN be taken to such moral low-ground as assault or manipulation of a minor, but so could many things.
And yes, virginity is special. Having it (or not) doesn’t make anyone any better (or worse) than anyone else, but the first time you do, you should do it in a way that you feel comfortable with, both inwardly and outwardly. And if that means the presence of a camera and a a stranger, then more power to you.