Kink has a language all its own. If you don’t understand the words, you’re going to get confused. Kind mistress that I am, I am going to provide you with an introductory list of terms and definitions. Throw them around and stun your friends with your fetish savoir-faire.
SM: Stands for “sadism/masochism” but is frequently used as a very general term for any kind of kinky or fetishy activity. “S and M” is dated–just say “SM.”
BD: Stands for “bondage/discipline,” but again, is frequently used as a
general term. (The two terms are sometimes combined as “BDSM.”)
D/s: Dominance and submission. D/s also stands for dominant/submissive,
as in “Mistress Matisse is a dominant, and that person is her submissive.”
top or bottom: This the most generic way of indicating people’s roles.
switch: Someone who has the capacity to both top and bottom, not necessarily in the same scene.
sadist or masochist: Someone whose primary interest in SM is (respectively) giving or receiving intense sensation–e.g., pain. Being dominant and being sadistic are not the same thing, although one can be both. Ditto submissive and masochistic.
scene: A period of time during which one is doing actual SM activities.
“They are doing a scene together.” “Scene” can also be used to denote the leather/SM
community as a whole, as in, “Is X in the scene?”
safe words: Words agreed upon by the participants that will modify
or end SM play.
play: Used in the appropriate context, it means to do SM.
play party: A party at which people gather together primarily to do SM.
play-partner: Generally refers to anyone with whom one has BDSM encounters, but more specifically implies a casual, for-kinky-sex-only friendship and not a committed romantic relationship.
after-care: Time spent at the end of a scene to “come down,” as it were, and gradually transition back to one’s everyday role. Can be 15 minutes or several hours, depending on the people and the scene.
matisse@thestranger.comKink Glossary