You were three random strangers in the women’s bathroom of the
Sunset Tavern. As I peed, I listened to you all talk about how your
hair was flat and various elements of your outfits were retarded. After
I actually laid eyes on you, I told you that you all looked amazing,
and you thanked me. What I wish I would have said was that in 5 or 10
years, you will look back at a photo of yourself and think, “God DAMN,
I was one hot piece of pie,” and you will regret that you didn’t
appreciate it. You are incredible, hot specimens. Own your hotness and
endeavor to enjoy any man you think is worthy, because someday you will
wish that you’d fucked the living bejesus out of those boys, and you
will wish that you appreciated your body for what it was. You are
fucking BEAUTIFUL. I see it, and so does everybody else. How sad that I
didn’t see it then, and how sad that you don’t see it now. recommended

39 replies on “I, Anonymous”

  2. I wonder how old the writer is?
    I’m pushing 40 and I look back on my 20 something days and laugh at how insecure I was about my looks. I was beautiful!
    Now I look at my ever so slight crows feet and realize that someday I’ll look back on these days and think I was beautiful…so I just go with it.
    Thankfully, people still think I’m in my 20s. I think it’s the attitude.

    Kind of off subject but I wanted to add that it seems like girls these days have no idea of the power of the pussy. They seem to have no clue of the power they have over men, so they act desperate and pathetic no matter how beautiful they are.

    What happened? MTV? Girls Gone Wild? Reality TV? Or just too many glossy magazines?

  3. 20, 40, 60, it doesn’t matter. There is nothing more appealing in this world than a confidant woman with attitude. You’re always amazing.

  5. First, the three were posturing in the style of the day. Their comments were not to be taken seriously.
    Second, self-deception is common among us all. Observe the bulemic at 93 pounds.
    Third, I bet the writer didn’t hear the sniggering as she left.

  9. Whoop de fucking doo. It’s great to be pretty! Shallow bullshit.

    What happened to liberal intellectuals? They’ve become as narcissistic as The housewives as whatever county, except they’re snarkier.

    Can you imagine Sartre trying to hook-up in Seattle? Ugly little troll-man, these faux hipster barbies wouldn’t touch him.

    Fuck you all you phoney secret jocks and cheerleaders.

  10. Dead on- When I was young, I thought myself to be very plain because I did not fit into the button nosed, perky, fluffy haired, chubby cheeked ideal of that moment in time… And I wasted a lot of time and energy lamenting my lack of beauty… I was a 5’2″, 108 lbs, 36-23-34, hazel eyed, red-haired girl with high cheekbones and amazing legs- and had no idea I was attractive… looking back from the vantage of 40 years, I wonder what I might have tried to do, let alone who I might have dated, if I had not been so convinced that I was not pretty enough to compete with similarly qualified but “cuter” peers….It was all incredibly foolish but it mattered to me at the time.

  13. you should have spoke up and said what you think! maybe these girls would have took your advice and gave it up. i’m a man about town and would have loved to give one or all of these girls some classic pie munchie-munch. you could have made two to six peole very happy that night.

  14. HERE WE GO AGAIN. I ANON HAS GONE STRAIT INTO THE CRAPPER! THIS IS NOT AN I ANON TOPIC, WTF! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD READ SOME BACK ISSUES DISCOVER WHAT THIS COLUMN WAS ABOUT, AND WHAT IT SHOULD BE. FOR I DONT KNOW HOW MANY WEEKS RUNNING ITS BEEN GOING DOWN HILL, I THINK WERE HITTING BOTTOM NOW. FRANKLY “SUCK’S” SEEMS TO SAY IT IN A WORD. JOIN P.E.T.A PEOPLE EATING TASTY ANIMALS TODAY! THE RED MEAT MIGHT PUT SOME BRAIN CELLS BACK IN YOUR HEAD…… MAYBE

  15. I find that when people complain about their looks they are actually just fishing for compliments…one of the oldest ploys in the book.

  16. It’s funny to hear these comments made by these women in their 20s-50s – I bet if you asked potential partners, we would probably say that they are all a lot hotter than they rate themselves, and I agree that a strong, confident woman is a hotness multiplier. As Dan said a few years ago however, it is the only purpose in life for young 20-somethings to look hot and not think too much ;o)

  21. Anyone who doesn’t like these recent I, Anon submissions should submit one of their own. Stop whining and do something about it, or just fuck off.

  24. Why does the writer think that these woman must fuck all the boys to appreciate their beauty? Now I can understand how one might say “gee I wish I had screwed all those men, now that I see how boring my husband is.” Its nice to have a fantasy/experience to reflect on. But the idea that to look back at yourself and feel that you needed to be a slut to appreciate how “hot” you were, is just sad. Ones beauty does not rest on the number of fucks you got from some strangers at a bar.

  25. I anonymous has sucked for years as far as I am concerned. It used to be to confess things you need to be anonymous about. Why do you have to be anonymous to call your ex roommate a douchbag or rant about something stupid?

    I want to hear those anonymous confessions that you could never put your name to, but have to tell someone or you will bust. Stole something? Caused an accident and left the scene? Let someone else take the blame for something you did? Do tell.

  28. I actually really appreciated this week’s column… thank you Stranger for adding it in. I will say that I’m 25, not perfect but I looked in the mirror after reading this and tried to see the whole picture, and not just focus on my specific imperfections.

  30. Sure, be confident, know thyself, but don’t overdo it.

    There’s nothing more unattractive than a girl who’s cute, knows it, and expects the world to grovel before her. “Power of the pussy?” Barf. Overcompensating for other deep-seated insecurities is more likely.

  31. Sometimes we say this sort of thing because it’s expected.

    And then, if your friend bemoans something about herself, it’s rarely good form to be like, “I disagree, and also, *I’m* foxy!”

    I think that, from saying it so much, we’re more likely to internalize it. But some of us still remember that we’re foxy, so you need not worry too hard about the show anybody puts on in the bathroom. Although I bet you did make their day with your nice comment.

    Maybe you should worry harder about the fact that we feel like we’ve gotta overemphasize insecurity to preserve our tenuous friendships, rather than just being honest about our self-images and telling our equally-hot friends to shut up.

  35. It works the same way with guys. A lot of us are teased and put down by women for asking them out when we’re younger, and as a result never become aware of how women’s views of us change as we become older and more successful.

  36. Assuming this article is real, which there’s a good chance it isn’t, I agree that the girls were bonding with their faux self-depreciation. Beautiful young girls are intrinsically aware of their relative attractiveness, it’s in their nature, and guys tend to make it pretty obvious.

    I’m 30 now, and finally getting to be successful and good looking, and noticing the younger girls are paying more attention. Love being a guy.

  37. but then y’all go btch about those girls that go “hot damn I’m so totally good looking” every time they look in the mirror.

    it’s the huge fixation on looks ( and the need to endlessly talk about it) that pisses me off.

  38. Sartre was an intellectual fraud who couldn’t think his way out of a paper bag. If Sartre couldn’t have gotten fucked in Seattle, then I say good for fucking Seattle.

  39. awful on so many levels.

    first, what a tedious trip to the bathroom.

    second, how grotesque that being good-looking / or having been good-looking gives I, Anon or anyone so much self-satisfaction.

    third, how pathetic are those who are full of self-pity because they didn’t know how good-looking they were – pathetic then and – ew – pathetic now.

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