To the young woman sitting next to me on the 48 bus this
morning:
I am so sorry I threw up on you. I really, really, really didn’t
mean to. I felt a little off in the morning, but nothing too bad,
certainly nothing worth staying home from work. Got on the bus, and
before long I was feeling distinctly not too great. But I figured I
could just hang in there and I’d feel better when I was off a moving
vehicle. Then I started considering it might be worth getting off the
bus to try to puke to feel better. Then I started thinking I was going
to have to do that. Then it became definite that it would have to be
the next stop. Then omigodnoithastobeRIGHTNOW.
It just happened so fast. I desperately tried to think of what I
could throw up into, because getting off the bus in time had ceased to
be an option. I grabbed my empty commuter mug and prayed it would hold
sufficient volume. For the most part, a successful save—but then
there was a splash. Mostly on me, but, sadly, also on the left sleeve
of your black jacket.
You were so polite about it. I tried to apologize and find something
to wipe you off with. There was nothing, and I didn’t know what to do.
It seemed like the nicest thing I could do at that point was just to
get the hell away from you so at least you wouldn’t have to be afraid
that I would do it again. I am so sorry you had to deal with a complete
stranger throwing up on you first thing on Monday morning after spring
break. I will carry plastic bags and some paper towels in my commuter
bag with me from now on. 
you should have blew him as repentance
It’s not a him, it’s a her.
@1 had it been a man I highly doubt that he
a)would have been able to get it up for someone(of unidentified gender I might add)who had just barfed on them, it’s considered a turn off in most circles.
b)could have gotten one under any circumstances considering that, oh I don’t know, the potential fellator is projectile vomiting.
However, if someone cute who you don’t know vomits on you, you may if you ever see them again tell them that you think that they might owe you date. Just as an in.
next week, she describes the feces floating in a toilet
I love this one! And hey, at least vomit comes out in the washing machine.
At least offer up 10 bucks to pay for the drycleaning.
That happened to my sister years ago but she was able to throw up in her lunch bag without further incidents. I always chuckle every time I hear the story.
Poor Baby- both of you must have been just horrified.
I agree with the dry-cleaning offer. Throw some puke-free cash at her for the cleaning, mumble “Sorry”, and then leave.
Or if you have one of those Tide pens, hand her that instead and try to sing “Nah Nah Nah Nah Goodbye”.
Or, declare it art and say–see? That’s why we’re better at it than Vancouver! ‘Vancougar’, Wa. that is.
You could have just told her “It’s performance art.” Then you could have charged HER 20 bucks for watching it.
Bulimia is serious.
i had the same slowly creeping up sickness in my car once and had to throw up in a mcdonalds cup driving on the 405 not nearly as awful but i really feel for this person. how horrid!!
Years ago at a gwar show in Atlanta, before the show, I felt a liquid coming down on me from high above.
All while trying to get out of dodge, the facts start sinking in: one moment to register a liquid, another to register that it was warm, another that thank god it wasn’t pee, and finally, completely out of range, I look up and see the full situation for what it was- that it was a chick puking over the side of a railing and she was high fiving her friends that she had managed to hit me!
For all of the fake puke and body fluids I have gotten on me at Gwar shows, that is the only time I was ever nailed with anything real (that I know of). Gross, but non-fatal.
Reminds me of the time a sixth-grade classmate and his dad took me to a Rainer’s game at Sicks(!) Stadium. I got a little queesy (eating hot dogs and holding in some major farts just didn’t, and still doesn’t, work that well for me) and nearly made it to the bathroom, vomiting on the bathroom-exit area floor.
I decided not to clean it up (why take work from someone?), wiped my face off and headed back to watch the rest of the game.
On the way out of the stadium we passed the bathroom. Where I watched a well-dressed guy leaving the bathroom–coming out the exit door, he wasn’t looking down, and there waiting for him on the concrete were some Sick’s Stadium hot dog chunks and probably Coke and God knows what else–which he promptly stepped in. He was able to catch himslf with his hand, and as I passed by I could see the disgusted look on his face as he examined his hand and saw what it was he had slipped in.
Old dude, if you’re still out there, thank you so much for brightening up a kid’s day.
HEY ALL YOU PEOPLE WITH A HARD ON TO GIVE OUT ADVICE ON WHAT YOU WOULD’VE DONE!….
shut it. stuff it. its an apology to a stranger. who gives a shit if you think she should’ve offered ten bucks for dry cleaning or whatever.
POINT IS, BE CREATIVE IN YOUR COMMENTS…YOU BORE US ALL.
Seeing that you were obviously ill, I’m definite she’s forgiven you. I know, that had it been me, I certainly would have forgiven you. Now, the only thing left is to forgive yourself. Your apology letter is a nice gesture.
Funny thing, being human. We are anything but perfect.
it is normal behavior on any bus at anytime. buy a bike or carpool .haha
Some dude threw up on my shoes outside Louisa’s once. Eeesh.
It was Steve-O and he graciously autographed the vomit afterwards
http://peen-whillikers.mybrute.com