You see, when you leave a sexy mannequin sitting in the unisex
bathroom of a place where people drink, you invite all manner of
perversion to take place behind closed doors. Now, as if your job
didn’t already involve enough cleaning work, you had to wash off her
slimy boobies and launder her shirt upon which I wiped the come from my
spent cock after passionately titty-fucking her in my drunken stupor. I
also kissed her bald head and even tried to finger her, but
unfortunately she was cold, unresponsive, and anatomically incorrect. I
would apologize for these violations, but I’m not really sorry. It
seemed like the right thing to do at the time. You brought this upon
yourselves, really. Who’s the dummy now? I just hope she was a virgin,
for my own sanitation. recommended

35 replies on “I, Anonymous”

  6. Correction: someone had to wash off her crusty boobies…it’s more likely that it wouldn’t be found until the spooge had crusted over.

    Also, am I to believe that this is perfectly normal, straight male behavior? I mean, even considering the amount of alcohol involved? Really? OK, maybe jerking off in the stall while seated on the toilet, but really? Titty-fucking and molesting a mannequin? And then complaining that she was unresponsive and cold? Perfectly normal??? Ok, then….whatever.

    Is this one of those made up I anons? I kind of hope so.

  12. OH MY GOD. That is f***ing awesome. I wish I had been there to see that! This was perfectly written. Thank you for making my night. I’m going to read this to my boyfriend as soon as he gets home from work. ROTFL

  16. Aw, it’s cute how you think they clean her up after each one of your idiots rape a piece of plactic. Enjoy the crabs!

  24. Hi, it’s me. Yes, THAT me. I can assure you this has nothing to do with this mysterious Andrew McCarthy character. I’d love to reassure you that no one in their right mind would do such a thing, but I’m afraid I simply cannot provide you with that emotional safety. Three glasses of wine is more than enough for me to paint this town yellow. Can you imagine what I would do to a real live woman? It’s understandable for you to want to live in your fantasy bubble where you pretend to be horny to get attention, but on the other side of your computer screen/cell phone/craigslist ad is a self-lubricating sex machine who would win a pussy-eating contest at the drop of your panties. So go and fuck the most awkward person you meet; you could be saving lives (and mannequins).

    Did I mention she was a B-cup and was missing a hand?

  25. Just when I thought Anon couldn’t get any crazier….
    Cummed on dummies and the dummies who cum on them!

    Enjoy your STDs and baby mannequins.

  29. When I was a teenager, a store on the corner, threw out a mannequin because it had a crack in its neck. I dragged it home and dressed it in a turn of the (20th) century gown, and stood it in my bathroom, as a decoration.
    One day, my second grade brother’s friend had to pee, and went to use my bathroom. But he came out saying he couldn’t pee because she was looking at him.
    I had to blindfold the mannequin before my brother’s little friend would do his business. I thought he was a very strange little boy because it was just plaster and metal–not alive. But now I see, big boys are even stranger around dolls.

  32. Come on, dude, what kind of response do you want here? Good for you? This is fucking disgusting. Maybe you should wait to be asked before you tell these kinds of stories. What the hell is wrong with people?

    The other day I was at breakfast with my parents and the two guys behind us were talking loudly about butt plugs. You know, do what you gotta do, but share it with your friends in private, please.

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