Hey, assholes: When I’m walking around all morning with a big piece
of light-green chewing gum stuck to the front of my sunglasses, feel
free to help a girl out. Hey, barista—don’t just turn your eyes
away from me like I’m a leper with my shirt on backward. Use your
words: “Hey, hon, you have a big wad of chewing gum stuck to the front
of your face.” Hey, bus driver! I blame you, too—you saw the big
wad of green and let me stroll to the back of the bus like an asshole.
Hey, guy sitting next to me on the bus! I saw you do a double take on
me—so not only did you make me feel like an asshole for thinking
you were flirting with me, you let me walk into work and say hi to
myboss with a big wad of gum on my glasses. Thanks a lot,
ass-holes.
I, Anonymous
Have You No Sense of Decency, Seattle?
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Regardless of whatever it was on her sunglasses … HEY, SEATTLE, it’s OK to tell someone they have something on their face! Actually, get this, it can be a great “conversation starter”. Imagine that, not only are you being a decent person by notifying a stranger that they have something stuck on their face but you might actually get to hold an actual conversation as well! This is where I appreciate growing up on the East Coast, I’ve never had a bad experience telling someone to check themselves here. Lighten up, folks.
52: of all the things that might distinguish Seattle as “passive agressive” compared to East Coast cities, this isn’t it. There’s passive aggressive, and then there’s just refusing to babysit the whole world.
Plus, like someone else said, it’s very plausible that most people saw the neon green gum on her sunglasses and assumed that she must have known about it, and that it was some attempt at a hipster fashion statement. I know that’s what I would have assumed. And who wants to get sucked into a conversation about how wads of gum are the new lip piercing?
@53: Right ON, Bonefish!!
I’m a native of Seattle, and while I now live north of the Rainy City, I couldn’t agree more.
Well said!
I was going on a first date with this really hot guy and was so nervous that I never noticed that I’d misbuttoned my shirt like one of the kids on the shortbus. We went to a party and none of his friends said anything. I didn’t notice until the end of the evening when I went to pee and saw the twisted shirt in the mirror. It’s such a relief to know now that it was their fault for not saying anything. If I send the hot guy a copy of this column, do you think he might give me another chance and go out with me again?
@55 haha, exactly! All of the people who are writing in all like “I really feel for this gum girl” are totally overlooking the fact that she is not just asking for a shout out next time she is outright BLAMING EVERYONE IN SEATTLE for HER mistake of getting gum on her glasses.
It would have been one thing if she had just left it at “Seattle, you are all assholes for not helping a girl out” yeah, I can get behind that, I hate the Seattle silence, but to outright be like “Hey, it’s YOUR fault I talked to my boss with gum on my face”
Um, excuse me bitch, no it’s not.
And, chances are even more likely that people didn’t want to point it out because the people of Seattle are PAINFULLY shy (when by themselves, when in packs of friends they are bold twats) AND they are easily embarrassed. Pointing out the gum would have called attention to themselves.
All I’m saying is, yeah, that sucks, but grow up and learn to take responsibility for yourself. It is no one else’s FAULT that it happened. It is YOUR FAULT that it happened and people were just assholes for snickering at your expense instead of saying something.
@19 from @4: I am not, nor could be, the I-anon It is quite impossible because I live in Chicago, smartypants! I don’t have any chip on my shoulder, just felt bad for the girl! I didn’t know people can’t feel sorry for anyone in Seattle.
But I do also agree @13 the I-anon person was too sensitive, gum on the glasses isn’t really something to cry about.
Dear Anon,
First, you ride the bus. You may be cheap or green, but you could also be too dysfunctional to drive. That gum’s not worth getting shanked over.
Second, Seattle is one of the few places in the U.S. where people give you a modicum of respect but otherwise leave you the hell alone. I once saw a man walking another gent, who was wearing only underwear and a dog collar, through Volunteer Park. I didn’t say, “excuse me, sir, but somebody swapped your pooch with a middle-aged sub”. I gave them a nod and went on my merry way, as did everyone else. That’s how we roll.
@44 You are a pompous ass for explaining what invasion of the body snatchers is.
Maybe nobody told you about the gum on your glasses because you’re an aimlessly irate little twat whom everybody hates on sight. Wouldn’t be surprising, considering your little rant.
Nobody should even bother trying to talk sense into this girl – like how MAYBE the passengers on one bus aren’t necessarily representative of everyone int he entire city. Let’s just agree that we’re all gum-ignoring assholes and hope to christ she moves somewhere else ASAP.
How did she not notice the gum on her sunglasses? Because she is self-absorbed. Blah, blah, blah… I’m soo interesting barista, I’m sooo interesting person-sitting-on-the-bus-next-to-me. You probably were so busy gabbing about your interesting self that you couldn’t take the time to notice the blob of green shit on your own glasses, and you were probably blabbing nonstop so nobody had the chance or cared to tell you.
You then freak out and feel the need to post something here. A regular person would have laughed it off. Get over yourself. You are interesting for the wrong reasons.
Don’t have loads of sympathy for something this minor…but people being afraid to say anything seems like the prevailing attitude around here. It’s pretty lame.
To everyone ranting on the “it’s not MY job to watch out for you…”, it’s not exactly hard to say, “hey, you’ve got something on your glasses”. Zero effort. If it’s intentional, I’m sure you’ll just get an, “I know”. What’re you so afraid of? Being helpful, or acknowleding that another person is a human being? It’s really not scary…
PS, yes, it is kind of narcissistic and melodramatic to give a faux pas like this a second thought. Embarassment is common, and really not so bad…
I just don’t care what people do with themselves, so why would I mention something to someone that seems “out of place” to me? Unless she were bleeding, or had something really “wrong” going on, I just normally would assume its her fashion style and/or sense of individuality – completely on purpose.
And wasn’t it?
@52 Yeah, I’ve always found conversations on the bus with strangers SOOOOO fulfilling that I’ve actually had to just run right home and blog/vlog/twitter/facebook all about it.
Seriously.
It’s like I was a lonely, wilting flower in the desert, and then the rain came … in the form of a homeless lady vomitting her liquid lunch all over the back of the bus.
Personal responsibility, dumbass.
Got to say I love how this is not bad luck, or karma, or (heaven forbid) your fault. It is someone else’s fault. God help this country.
Typical out of towner. Blaming their own shit and misery on the people or weather.
Maybe everyone thought your glasses were broken and that you held them together with gum and they didn’t want to make you feel bad. They were being nice and you hate them for it.
I’ve seen people keep their gum on their glasses anyway. If the purse explanation is even remotely close, that’s what you get for treating your overpriced bag-o-useless-shit like a garbage receptacle.
Otherwise, I call BS as well. This is simply TOO stupid to be real. Right?
@62: “To everyone ranting on the “it’s not MY job to watch out for you…”, it’s not exactly hard to say, “hey, you’ve got something on your glasses”. What’re you so afraid of? “
That’s not the point. l think at least a few of these people would have informed her were they to encounter this situation, including myself. But after the fact, when she’s throwing words/phrases like “asshole”, “l blame you”, “you let me”, “you made me feel like…” around (and getting pissed at some dude on the bus because he wasn’t flirting with her, as she assumed? Seriously?), l’m guessing that had someone pointed it out, she still would have written a bitchy I,A to whomever else failed to inform her up until that moment.
l’ll tell someone they have a honkin piece of spinach between their teeth, a ball of wax adorning their earlobe, or a pecker poking out of their shorts (the latter two of which happen more than l care to discuss). I enjoy saving someone from humiliation, and hope that others return the favor, but this kind of entitlement sort of hurts my dedication to the cause. lt just doesn’t elicit sympathy. Rather, it inspires a rather snide giggle of which l’m not proud, but is a natural defensive response to being blamed as part of the whole (Seattle) for her own mistake.
lt would have been a much worthier I,A -and garnered kinder responses- had it read something along the lines of, “That was pretty funny. Thank you for reminding me that it’s okay to laugh at myself when l do stupid human shit.”
Seattle may have no sense of decency but at least they have some sense of humor. Learn to laugh at yourself, Jesus, if people have problems with wads of gum on faces then that’s their business and not yours.
I would have assumed something so completely obvious was intentional….
and then thought, either this woman is totally crackers, and I should keep her at a safe distance, or that she thought it was some sort of new fad, or fashion statement that was started by losers. When she’s asleep, she ‘parks it on the bedpost overnight?’
Don’t be angry no one mentioned it to you…
It reminds me of the time I saw the elderly woman with what looked like lipstick on her eyebrows, and mascara on her lips. Mental illness, thank heavens, comes with warning signals. We know who to keep at a distance. You will probably have trouble winning back your street cred for a while.
Helpful hint: To prevent ‘accidents’ like this in the future, put a full length mirror in the hall, or make sure to have someone give you the thumbs up before you go out.